I'm here! Not hung over but very tardy! I need to get that laptop! A big barrier to me not posting is when I'm too busy at work, then I go home, hit a key on that dinosaur, and ....wait. And wait.... And often walk away in disgust. Anyway, I'm still at work & was jonesing to post on here - even though I need to finish this grant by tomorrow - I have to check in & say hi to my peeps!
I did do one fun this weekend, went to this artsy auction thing w my sister & a friend. Most of the weekend was spent, purging, packing & transporting boxes to brother's house. So, not the most exciting GAL but making sure I always do at least 1 fun thing!
Aver I took your advice b/c on Saturday eve. I was feeling down & overwhelmed, out of supplies & my sister was like I'll be over tomorrow at 11! So Sunday it was sisters to the rescue as she & my other sis came over armed for the mission from hell (my words!). As things had gotten quite chaotic what with boxes & belongings strewn everywhere.
So, have arranged for a mover on Sat., 5/8 (he couldn't do this Sat.) to get the bed & big stuff.
And that's my life these past few days, pretty much. It seems like H has not been at apt. all weekened. I am trying not to notice, but find myself noticing when his car is there. Well he must have a place to flop apparently! Needing to work on the detachment!!
Thanks my friends for checking in. How are you both? I will stop by your threads shortly. Need to get an update Aver. I hope you're bouncing back from the past few traumatic weeks.
Kara, are you still rolling along smoothly? I tried to find your thread - not in Newcomers? Where can I find the Double K ranch?
If I could send you a speedy new Apple laptop, I would. Nothing is more frustrating than an old, slow computer. (oh wait--probably a WAS in MLC is more frustrating!)
I'm glad you got the sisters over to help pack. It is easier with others around.
Of course you will notice when his car is there/not there. Not being any expert on detachment, I guess the idea is to be able to feel: "Car not there? OK. " And not spin off on what it means/doesn't mean.
Did you solve the puppy problem? Will s/he go with you to your brother's?
When do you move to your brother's? I really hope that the change of environment will help you move along to the next phase. I understand that it won't be the ideal living situation, but hopefully "different" will equal "better".
Dear LFA, I just wanted to check on you and your posts help me know how you are doing.
Also, may I add what a wonderful support I've noticed you've been for many others? You truly have a helpful and warm spirit about you!
Laurie, Divorce Busting Coach Contact The Divorce Busting Center at 303-444-7004 or 800-664-2435 if you would like to schedule a telephone consultation with a DB Coach - or email virginia@divorcebusting.com for info.
Just checking in. Thanks for your supportive post.
I guess--in the way of veterans comparing war wounds--knowing that X left for OW is a least a "reason.' Sounds like you were left to wonder always why--how has he kept this A/OW under wraps for so long?
It's so bizarre--when you have lost your eyes, you envy the deaf guy. The deaf guy envies the guy who can hear, but lost his legs. The quadrapalegic who can hear and see envies the deaf guy who can walk.
Each of us has our own pain, and tolerance for handling it. And each of us says...but at least so and so has the comfort/knowledge/satisfaction of such and such.
All I can say--I never knew such a universe of pain existed. And I look a little more carefully at everyone--everyone! now, wondering: what's his/her pain? cause no matter how on top of it s/he looks, s/he sure has something going on...and I hope that helps me to be nicer and more patient as I move through this frigging process.
Hi Aver, Thanks so much for the check in. At least you know why I'm so slow to reply. If work wasn't so darn busy I'd be on here much more (how annoying!!)
Latest update: I scheduled the mover for this Sat. (May 8) but have been moving boxes, and actually throwing a lot out for the past mo. I have mixed feelings about moving in w brother, but I do feel it's the best thing to do for me now. I really can't deal with the landlord hassle w 2 dogs, and am not ready to look at houses to buy.
But I have to get out of the city where I am. And so, I'm lucky to have a place to go - and lucky to have my family.
Also can save $$, can pay off debts, will save lots of gas, be much closer to work, less driving/traffic hassles.
Just feels like time to go. The "puppies" will adjust (I hope!) & I think will be OK.
Yeah, right about noticing the car. It always seems like when it's there is when I have to take one of the dogs out front & don't have on my makeup, etc. Today 1 of them got off his line & I had to run around looking for him. H's car? There of course! Guess it doesn't matter anyhow.
Believe it or not, I'm still wearing my wedding ring after all this time! The wierd thing is, I have just forgotten about it. Then I was reading about how Sandra Bullock took off her ring (nothing like celebrity gossip to guide my decisions!) & I thought, why the h*ll am I still wearing mine?
It is really hard to get off, so I have to ice my finger, but, guess what I'm saying is, it's time.
Thanks for stopping by. I will definitely need support as I make this move, so please forgive my sporadic posting and don't give up on me! Thanks (((Aver))))
It's so bizarre--when you have lost your eyes, you envy the deaf guy. The deaf guy envies the guy who can hear, but lost his legs. The quadrapalegic who can hear and see envies the deaf guy who can walk.
Each of us has our own pain, and tolerance for handling it. And each of us says...but at least so and so has the comfort/knowledge/satisfaction of such and such.
All I can say--I never knew such a universe of pain existed. And I look a little more carefully at everyone--everyone! now, wondering: what's his/her pain? cause no matter how on top of it s/he looks, s/he sure has something going on...and I hope that helps me to be nicer and more patient as I move through this frigging process. -aver--
Aver, those are some deep thoughts! You're right I'm sure, and it's different for everyone. I try to always remember that everyone has problems, and most are far worse than mine. I dont' ever want to be so wrapped up in my own mess I forget to have compassion for others.
I hope you know I didnt' mean to insinuate I envied you b/c you have a clear picture of X's excuse. I would never say my pain is worse than yours or anyone else's, and I hoep I didn't imply that. I know how hellish it has been for you. What I meant to say that H on top of everything else, I think has shown disrespect in a different but similarly destructive way. Make sense? I hope, a little
OK, enough gloom & doom! Vacation - I like the way you think! After I get settled I need to look at my calendar (and my bank acct.!)
Have a great week & will check back soon ((((Hugs)))))
Last edited by LookingFrAnswers; 05/04/1010:55 PM. Reason: add word
Hi Laurie! It's good to hear from you! Thanks for checking in. I don't know if you've been able to catch up, but I did hire a L in Sept. and after much back & forth the separarion agrmt is being finalized.
I am moving out of the house to my brother's and taking our 2 dogs with me. H let me know he didn't care. I should be fully moved this weekend.
I think, but not sure, you know that I believed H moved in w OW in Oct. due to charges I saw on our bank accts. Well in March he emailed me that he was moving into our apt. (above garage) and sure enough, he's in there now. But I still haven't spoken to him or seen him. Except for a few short emails, we are in NC.
H is about as done as he can be. So I am trying to work on me. I am going to an IC, who I like. Try to GAL but probably need to do more.
Thanks for the nice words. I try to give support when I can. I still don't feel very wise but I want to help if I feel there's something I can pass along. usually it's just support. This board has been an amazing support for me and I really don't know what/how I'd be getting along now without it.
And I hope you're doing well - how are things going? Even though I couldn't DB successfully please know that my sessions with you got me through some of the toughest times of my life. You do great work so thank you for fighting for us all! ((((Laurie))))
Oh, no worries, LFA!! I in no way took what you said as "who is suffering more." We all of us have terrible situations, and you are right, hopefully we don't get so wrapped up in our own troubles we forget compassion for others.
I will send you all sorts of warm thoughts on Saturday. You will feel so much better after it is done. Look at all the positives that you listed coming out of the move!
Eyes forward, step by step. I haven't read the Sandra Bullock story, but it is getting so many posts here, maybe I should!
Taking the ring off will be hard. But maybe it will open doors, too. As in...that cute guy checking for a ring and not seeing one...
but very tardy! I need to get that laptop! A big barrier to me not posting is when I'm too busy at work, then I go home, hit a key on that dinosaur, and ....wait. And wait.... And often walk away in disgust. Anyway, I'm still at work & was jonesing to post on here - even though I need to finish this grant by tomorrow - I have to check in & say hi to my peeps!
