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K4D #1814827 08/07/09 06:38 PM
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You know what they say...

You get what you pay for.. Make sure you get your money's worth laugh

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I wont even comment on the money for sex thing.

I think your W is starting to realize that divorce MUST bring changes in lifestyle. This might be her wake up call that she must curb her spending, downgrade certain things, budget and realize that part of ending a marriage is being 110% fiscally responsible for yourself.

I stand my by initial thought - if you are helping out w/half the bills then the new car issue is her problem. You said yourself you are driving around in a 10 year old car and you will need a new one soon. So, you worry about funding your vehicle and let her worry about her own vehicle.

If you are paying half the bills why is she so behind on the rent? That makes no sense.

She has no problem coming to you for errands, extra childcare or money. She has no problems telling you how sloppy your daughters look when they are with you but otherwise, as I said, you seem to be highly disposable to her when you are of no use to her. She had no problem giving you all the junky furniture and essentially telling you where to live and what apartment to choose. So, basically, if she is not controlling you or needing you for a favor, she doesnt seem to be open to much else. Tell her to look in to the Cash for Clunkers program - if she is driving a huge car its not fuel efficient and there is no reason for her not to choose an affordable and reliable vehicle. Or, let her drown in more debt. Either way its HER choice.

Jesus would want you to be a strong man for YOU and YOU first.

K4D #1814952 08/07/09 10:03 PM
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Kev-All I needed to read in your post was her "not compromising her lifestyle". She's a big girl. It's her problem. Stop rescuing or trying to rescue. You think you are helping her and in turn helping you. It only makes you look weaker. That's the last I'll post about it. You decide.

Mules


M 43
W 44
M 17
T 22
S16,12,9
Bomb 2/05/08
I served her 1/06/09
S'd 3/15/09
D'd 12/21/09



"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
mulesqb #1815026 08/08/09 01:02 AM
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I agree with Mules above, but also note you talking about her having chosen a plan that you didn't agree with and was too expensive.

Kevin, a covenant husband stands beside his wife and supports her EMOTIONALLY, not financially. Have you read the Book of Proverbs? Each man's way is right in his own eyes. A good wife is a wonderful gift but an adulterous wife is like a stone around a man's neck.

Kevin, no amount of financial assistance is going to change her, make her pause, or make her love you. You know me, you know I consider myself a stander, also. But this is not standing.

Being taken advantage of by your wife will not make her see you as strong or dependable. She will just be taking advantage of you and taking you for granted. Don't be her fall-back here.

She made her choices and you have to let her feel the consequences. If you rescue her then you aren't standing. You are letting her get away. You are telling her you are here no matter what she does to you. That doesn't appear strong and she will not admire you for it.


Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08,
S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012!
Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.

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KJ-what a great post! Kev, what are you thinking about bro? Let us know. We care.

Strength and Honor.

Mules


M 43
W 44
M 17
T 22
S16,12,9
Bomb 2/05/08
I served her 1/06/09
S'd 3/15/09
D'd 12/21/09



"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
mulesqb #1815152 08/08/09 09:46 AM
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Hi Kev,

I am 2.5 years into DBing and until you really actually detach, you won't make huge progress. Once you do, you'll find a whole new WAS who's more curious about you and who is forced to take stock of her life and see what's she's missing out on. GAL isn't about generating jealousy, it's about working on yourself but it sure does work in my experience.

If she's annoyed about your softball outings or any other social engagements, GREAT! But if you're not comfortable with it, I'd recommend don't do it yet because your discomfort will be obvious and it isn't really GAL becauyse it isn't about you. Sounds like you have things you do enjoy so keep those up.

Hey mulesqb, great line from your Dad!!


--------
Me; 38
W; 34
1 4yr old S
Married 4.5 yrs, together 9 yrs
Bomb; 15 June 2007
Holiday together Sept 2008; My Dad dies Nov 2008; reconcliation fails Nov 2008

kiwi000 #1815272 08/08/09 04:27 PM
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I guess I am thinking that maybe it is best that I don't rescue her if she asks for money. Its not to be mean because I do want to help her. But I guess I am continuing to enable her to live this adulterous lifestyle if I do rescue her. And you are right, it won't change anything by me rescuing her. She won't have any respect for me. Besides, she can dig her way out of this hole with as much money as she makes. She should be able to do it very quickly.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
K4D #1815286 08/08/09 04:57 PM
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Conversation between me and W this morning.

K4D: How much do you want to pay to the credit card?
W: what's the minimum i can pay?
K4D: $34
W: what's the balance?
K4D: $1,109.29
W: $200
K4D: Ok
W: since i'm probably buying a new car this weekend or week
K4D: Maybe you should look at getting something more reliable, cheaper, and economically better right now than a kia
W: how do you figure?
K4D: You can always trade it in later when you are in a better situation
W: i can get a new one for $14K
W: gets great crash ratings
W: and i can get 100% financing
K4D: You could also get a car for 7k like a toyota corola or something
W: what is your deal?
W: if i do that, i have to put down a down payment
W: i obviously dont have a grand to do that with
W: or i'd fix the damn thing
K4D: Just trying to give some practical advice
W: so you're telling me you don't think i'm being practical
W: thanks
K4D: Not with buying a brand new vehicle right now
W: with payments at $200 and not putting money down, that's not practical?
W: i should instead try to pull $1K out of my ass and pay the same monthly
W: that's what you're telling me?
K4D: Did you check the long term reliability and maintenence with the kia in consumer reports? Also gas milage compared to an economical car?
W: i need to focus on cost right now kevin
W: and yes, to qualify for the cash for clunkers, it has to get a minimum of 5-10 mpgs more than the van
W: now, i didn't ask for your opinion. so please stop
W: i'm aware that you think so little of my opinion
W: thank you for confirming it over and over again
K4D: I don't think little of your opinion. Was just trying to offer a helpful alternative
W: i can get a minimum of $7K off a new vehicle.
W: i'm probablly not going to own it til its dead
W: i just need no down payment.. little monthly payments that is safe
W: and obviously i'll pay for less in gas b/c it has to get better milage to qualify for obamas program
K4D: But a kia versus a toyota or honda?
W: alright... this is talking about more than the kids
W: bye

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
K4D #1815288 08/08/09 04:59 PM
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W is talking about getting a brand new kia sportage. She will still have to get me to sign over the mazda title for her to be able to trade it in. This should be interesting.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
K4D #1815313 08/08/09 05:34 PM
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Quote:
W: now, i didn't ask for your opinion. so please stop



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