So my W met with the 2nd attorney yesterday. I didn't see her until around 11PM. She was over at girlfriends house.
She walked in kissed me and we ended up ML
This morning she says she wants to talk. She likes the new attorney. She wants me to participate in a collaborative D and she doesn't want to litigate.
She told me that she told her friend and her attorney that I am a great guy, great husband, great father. She doesn't know why she is not happy with me and she wished it were different.
I said you know where I am, but I will agree to go talk to a collaborative attorney. I said, I would like you to particpiate in Retrovaille with me.
At first she threw a big fit and said everything has to be on my terms. She told me she cried after we ML last night and how I am trying to control her ...etc.
She left for work and then sent me a text asking to email her the info on Retrovaille and we can discuss it tonight.
Before any comments, she is not seeing OM anymore they haven't had contact since 6/4 when I busted them. I do know she has searched him and his wife on FB, but that's it.
Thanks in advance for the advice!
Me 38 / W 37 M 14 yrs S 11/S8 First Bomb: 3/6/2009 EA Second Bomb: 6/4/2009 PA Same House Separate Rooms
Before any comments, she is not seeing OM anymore they haven't had contact since 6/4 when I busted them. I do know she has searched him and his wife on FB, but that's it.
And how do you know this?
I'm very skeptical considering the timing of the ML, and her immediate, negative reaction to the Retrouvaille request.
I agree its possible or even likely that she has done a drive by or two. But, let's assume there has been no calls, no emails, meetings, etc.
She says she is sorry about the affair and how much it hurt me, our family, ....
She says she wants a divorce not to go be with the OM - who is married with kids. She says she just isn't happy with me. Nothing specific. Just depressed, trapped, miserable...whatever.
Is Retrovaille a good idea for us if she is willing to go; even if she (at this point) still wants a divorce or do I wait for her to want to work on the marriage?
Me 38 / W 37 M 14 yrs S 11/S8 First Bomb: 3/6/2009 EA Second Bomb: 6/4/2009 PA Same House Separate Rooms
Maybe one of the wiser ones on the boards can correct me if I am wrong Low, but I think even suggesting Retro to her at this point is going to be looked at as pursuing and not a good idea until she is committed to working on the M and R with you.
edit: sorry missed your post where she asked about Retro, I would leave it alone for a bit and see if she brings it up again though.
I agree with ShockedOne - you need to not consider Retro right now. She is still a WAW and Retro is not going to help with that.
Do not work with a collaborative attorney now unless YOU really want to be divorced. That just makes it all that much easier and faster for her to get a D instead of waiting out a good enough time to work through her issues.
Yes, if she is willing to go to Retrouvaille, you should go. I have been to Retrouvaille myself, and have encouraged many other couples to go. The stories are always different, and there is no common element to who does well with Retrouvaille and who doesn't. I have seen couples who have called the police and pressed charges against each other succeed at Retrouvaille, and I have seen couples I thought had only minor problems fail. If she will go there is no reason not to.
