Hi again, just for our ago, H drove a car not his in front of our house and wanted the boy in the house in front of me to clean the car and then H run into his car that was parkered almost in our garden and the OW was waiting in his car and then they drove away. Hello! Am I stupid or is this normal to do? Its like H would put a sign in the window in this car where is says "I was travelling with my new girlfriend and our tvo children, look what we have a nice car. Its parkered just in front of my kitchen window so I will not miss it. I feel like he is a little boy showing off is new toy.
Ok, he just came and delivered the kids back and we were talking, I am just being nice to H and H is very polite to me and is ready to help out. Its been 6 months since H has been gone, and just for about 3 or 4 weeks I started to be very nice, like nothing is bothering me.
I am so afraid that he is so happy and will be for the rest of his life. It is so strange to se H come home and we are talking and planning a party for our oldest daughter on saturday. And then H just leave. How can you just go, I mean this is your home, were your family is, saying goodby to your children. How can they just move out like that and in another realationship like nothing is more normal.
I just pray that this will be over with this OW ASAP. I just cant beleave that this is the right thing to do, we have 4 children at home, how can H just go?????????? I feel this is soooo wrong. Its also hurt alot to se that H has taking off his wedding band, he never did in 20 years. I am still wearing mine. I feel deep in my heart that he will return, and there is something that keeps telling to keep doing what I am doing. If there is 6 months since H left where could he be in his process? I went to psychologist to day, I feel that dos not help me. I hear that if you are coming from a long realationship that the are not so likely this will work out, the OW came also from a long realationship. This will NOT work out.
Please tell me something if you have. I have been reading alot on these sides. Thanks
Realistically, after 6 months....HE could be anywhere he needs to be.
There is no timeline for this, and it has to run it's course.
The only thing you can do is work on you. And get out there and experience what life has to offer for now.
Concentrate on you, and your children, and take the focus off of him.
You will drive yourself insane if you don't. This is his path to walk, but use this time too. so that you can be the person that YOU want to be in life.
There are NO guarantees that he will come back.
There are also no guarantees that he won't.
Just find out who you are for now and let him spin in circles.
Find your inner peace to give yourself one more day, Then repeat that.
Yes, you are in pain. No, H should not be doing this, but please click on the link Trapt sent & read through the thread entitled rummaging through the archives. WHAT YOUR H IS DOING IS NOT ABOUT YOU. He is not trying to hurt you. You must detach from the situation & quit taking what he does personally. I know this is hard. OW is a fantasy right now. H is in pain & he doesn't know why. He is running around trying to create a new fantasy life to escape his old one. He is trying ANYTHING to be happy. The reality is something is wrong INSIDE of him. He has to fix it.
Please tell us...is there anything unusual about H's childhood/background?
Me 36, Him 33 M 11yrs, T 15yrs S 8, D 7 ILYBINILWY - 1/09 H moves out 10/09 D to be final SOON I HOPE!
Thanks alot. About his childhood there are two things he still talks about and have done for not so long ago and I feel that is something that had bothered him. First there is his mother was very busy lady running her own hairsaloon and didnt have so much time for him, he is the yongest child of four, and his sisters and the young ladies who were working in his mothers saloon took sometimes care of him, he sometimes talk about that, and what he told me always that he wanted a wife just like me who was warm and took good care of the family, the opposide from his mother. And also when he was a boy he was send every summer to spend it at farm, and his mother never called him, and the farmer was very agressive and yelled often at him. He hates when people scream at him, and in our marriage we never did that. These two things he talked the most about. I miss him so much and I just cant understand how he can changes so much in so short time. Just over a year ago he was so much in love, well he said that and sure actit like one. I am so confused.
Did you get a chance to read the thread I directed you to? It gives lots of information on some "root" causes of MLC. Things that happen in childhood. Many of the people that enter MLC were forced to grow up too fast or skip major transitionary periods in their lives. They are also "emotional stuffers" - people who grew up not having their feelings validated so they created a "mask" of the persona that helped them "get by" in life. My H was always known as a laid back, optimistic guy. Little did I know there was something lurking deep within him. We had an extraordinary marriage & were best friends. Anyone who knows what I am going through is absolutely dumbfounded.
Eventually though his inner "child" that has been hidden for so long has decided to come out and assert itself & it is NOT pretty. They will begin to think of their spouse as the person that made them suppress who they were for all this time. They will see you as controlling & fight you every step of the way for the lot they were given in life. This may be the case for your H based on what he has told you about his childhood. Another topic to look up is narcissistic family of origin - they can be either "overt" (living w/alcoholics, drug addicts, etc.) or the less detectable "coverts" (parents that put their emotional needs above their child's).
The more you understand this, the easier it is to step back & see the situation for what it is. Once again, this is NOT about you - all H knows is he is not happy & cannot understand why so they will run around doing everything they can to fill the void. Finally they will see that noTHING will fill it. They must hit rock bottom & hopefully begin to look within themselves for the answers.
Me 36, Him 33 M 11yrs, T 15yrs S 8, D 7 ILYBINILWY - 1/09 H moves out 10/09 D to be final SOON I HOPE!
