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kissak Offline OP
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I know what u mean...I fall back when he starts acting interested again....its hard. Its like they pull on that rope just enough to make us still want them, then they let go when they think that rope is tied around our ankles so we wont go too far!!


Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10
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Kissak,

You get pulled back in because you allow it. He knows how to suck you in and he has done just that once again. You are back in this cycle because you slept with him a few weeks back. Now he thinks he can convince you to do so again. You deserve so much more than what you are getting from him.

I think you need to decide where YOU are in all this. Are you ALL IN or are you sitting on a fence? All In means you are living your life while doing nothing to make it impossible for your spouse to return. That means no dating, no illusions of dating and no game playing which are all indicative of fence sitting. It also means that you have to respect yourself enough to not allow yourself to be used.

You can be All In, stand for your marriage and not sleep with him.

*hugs*
~ swl


Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. {Henry Wadsworth Longfellow}
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thats some good advice....i think we are both sitting on the fence yet thinking we are "all in"


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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kissak Offline OP
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I hear you loud and clear swl...now how come its sooo hard to get up with ya??? lol


Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 761
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Hi kissak and mdoodles.....

I was not aware that you both had legal separations in the court system. I am sorry if I misunderstood your sitches. We all share the same pain and the fears and standing dedication together. We should be able to figure this out together, too.

I just posted on my thread a story of my friend who's D was final last Friday. Her XH has lost everything and is just now seeming to try and reconnect with my friend. Pop over to my thread to read the story, it is very fascinating.

Some just won't get it til it's gone and then as in her case it's too late. I think we could all benefit from her story.
I know it's given me a lot to think about. Please read it.

I respect the answer that swl wrote above about being "ALL IN".
I have read and re-read that several times. Ladies, we need to show more strength and restraint. We need to try and picture what we must look like to the Hs. I am guessing we look like standers and not as we see it. I imagine we look like "cake"/ we look like "door mats"/ we look like "pathetic lost souls" waiting.

I used to think:
Cake isn't bad. If he's with me he ain't with you. Ha!! Take that you home-wrecking slut your boyfriend is cheatin on ya.

I used to think:
I am not a door mat. I am a welcome mat.

I used to think:
I am not a pathetic lost soul just waiting. I am a loving wife, who wants to save you from your own destruction. Please come home where you are safe and we will be a happy family again.

I am starting to change. I can feel it. I am hardening. I am not "cake" or a "door mat" or "pathetic". I am a wonderful woman with a lot to offer. I am loving and compassionate and independant. I have been able to raise a boy from 9 to 13 alone. I have been able to keep my home maintained alone. I have kept my sanity. I deserve more. I deserve 100% from someone. I am beginning to think that my H can't fill the bill anymore. He isn't the man I knew and H might never be able to live up to my ideals ever again.

The fact that I have just 13 days left til court has me really thinking. I am grateful to you all for allowing me to be a part of this journey with you. I value all of the support and advice. It is through this avenue that I have been able to learn and grow in ways I would not have found alone.

(((((HUGS to you all))))) Have a wonderful day!!!!

Sun's Shining!!!!

Sanderika


ME48/H48MLC
T 33y
M 28y
S16
OW 8/7/05
Bomb 8/16/05
Sep 9/05
H f'd D 10/3/08
D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09
D dismissed 2/5/10
H served me D papers again 9/4/10
D dismissed 9/26/11
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u sound good! i am going to go read what you posted...


by the way, i do not have a legal separation, and i dont think kissak does either...i think she had papers prepared by her husband but nothing completed, and mine filed the first papers last year to get processed started but nothing happened...just wanted to clarify.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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kissak Offline OP
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Thank you Mdoodles, thats what I was gonna say...the papers were only prepared by my H's lawyer, but no one has signed them or anything.
I had to laugh when I read this sanderika:

I used to think:
Cake isn't bad. If he's with me he ain't with you. Ha!! Take that you home-wrecking slut your boyfriend is cheatin on ya.

Sorry, it made me laugh cuz thats what I use to think in the beginning.

Anyway, I heard from my H today that he stayed home from work sick. I dont know if he will be getting the kids tonight or not....

Funny this morning I saw on my fb that my brother in laws twin brother IS dating my H's ex OW! I feel so sorry for this guy, he has no clue what he is in for....just heartbreak im sure. I have to say she wont be interested in him long because there is NO drama with him...he has never been married and NO kids, so she wont stick around long and he will end up getting hurt. That may be why my H is in a mood lately. See, his brother in law and the BIL twin hang out with my inlaws alot, which means the exOW will probably be doing that too, which means my H wont be invited to hang out with them as much, not that they invited him much anyway, but still awkard sitch for him. OH WELL!

Its gonna be a long weekend for me....no one to really hang out with this weekend. Everyone has plans. Dont know what im gonna do.

Hope you all have a great weekend!


Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,114
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Quote:
Cake isn't bad. If he's with me he ain't with you. Ha!! Take that you home-wrecking slut your boyfriend is cheatin on ya.


Believe me when I slept with H in December, I thought the same thing! But if they cheat on them doesn't that mean something???

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kissak Offline OP
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yep...means once a cheater always a cheater! lol Thats what "they" say anyway.


Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
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i feel the same way and think the same thing when we are together.

im not ready to not be intimate with him, however, i have taken a small step in telling him i wont ml.

hey, its something lol.

and it surprised him.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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