Like Michelle said, he's weak and cowardly. He was loving the excitement of it while keeping his comfort zone with you.
In the end of this, he is the one who has lost everything.
He lost you. He lost respect. He lost time with his children. He lost the ability to protect his children from the ills of the world because he created it in their lives.
What have you really lost Maria? You already have been grieving your dreams for the future of your family. You are strong now because of that grieving. You can create a whole new future and know that it will be whatever you choose to make of it, not what someone else forces you into. I know that doesn't sound right but my brain is a little mushy right now and it's not putting thoughts together very well.
I think you know what I mean by that though.
This time is all about you and those beautiful children.
Hug them tight!!! You will be each other's greatest comfort now.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
You have every right to feel that way! It's really difficult to act as if, grieve, deal with the pain when the kids are around all the time. Are you on vacation with friends or is it just you and the kids? Eventhough in many ways it's a blessing to have the kids around to keep your mind occupied, I hope you are getting some time to yourself to be able to process all that's happened.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
I think the lying somehow becomes such a habit they don't even think that once again they are doing it. Case in point, my ex can't seem to tell the truth to me or the kids. He leaves out important information so that he can get his way. Gee, we aren't married anymore. Quit lying already!
You may never fully understand and neither will he. I just know that they don't set out to hurt you, it isn't that they plot to hurt you(I think that is more the Divorce part). They slip and then they have to cover that up and then it happens again and it just becomes a terrible cycle with nothing but pain for those involved.
It does get better eventually. Everyone has their own pace. I think it actually is like going through the 5 stages of dying. You are in the anger stage, just three more stages left to go!
love ya, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
It does get better eventually. Everyone has their own pace. I think it actually is like going through the 5 stages of dying. You are in the anger stage, just three more stages left to go!
That's a darn good description of it! It really does parallel that. I think coping with the loss / grieving is the same process.
(((Maria)))
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Hey M--I have to admit I spent last night catching up on your thread, and was so dumbfounded I needed a day to process. My heart aches for you. I cannot imagine after going through the struggle to determine whether or not to reconnect w/ your H, you now have to deal w/ this BS.
I read that book Venus and Mars Starting Over...don't know if you have, but it was really insightful. You are allowed to be angry, and should feel angry until you don't anymore. There is not one person on the face of this earth that would fault you for that. But this book also says that we, as women, generally try not to do the whole "anger" phase, and that is where we don't heal.
Hugs Sweetie...I think you deserve tons of them right now.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Agree LolaL....that book is great. His section on how our 'hope for reconciliation' is a form of denial was life changing for me. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
I cant read another book now. But I will take a note.
I am sitting here, on the veranda of the room I am renting thinking over and over again the sequence of facts, when, what etc etc
I am trying to realise what hurts more. It's the 2006 facts. The time when I was completely unaware of what was going on. The times when I was whining for time with him, starting the paperwork to build our cabin up on the mountain, the trip to Munich, the car we bought, our Christmas, the family dinners I had at our home with his family and on and on...
It feels as someone told me : you have been stupid and a fool still creating moments with him while all he wanted was to leave your home and be with her...
He said that what united us was a strong past. Already, I was past to him while for me he was my only future. If someone had told me this -and some did- even a month ago, I wouldn't believe them.
My brother's wife cut her finger badly yesterday. My brother drove her to Thessaloníki to have it taken care of. My kids told him on the phone and he asked to talk to her. I got furious listening to how he "cared". I send him a message saying, keep your interest in MY family to yourself.
All he means to me is deceit. I want to hurt him. Hurt him as bad as possible. But I cant do even that. K
I totally understand the feelings of betrayal. For me, even 2 years on, it's the deceit from when we were together that is the most painful thing. And I understand wanting to hurt him back. Although it's unsatisfying in an immediate sense, he will end up hurting chronically from this- he'll always regret what he did, but you have a chance to move forward knowing you did EVERYTHING you could have. Eventually your kids will understand the things he did and they'll know why the M broke up too. He will probably never recover from this.
Your greatest control here Kalni is to take care of yourself. Doing ANYTHING out of retribution will ONLY hurt yourself. I would NEVER imply anything but you but avoid 'other thoughts' of ways to hurt him that could compromise your health or well-being.
Remember....REMEMBER...these are HIS ISSUES and NOT A REFLECTION OF YOU AS A WOMAN OR PERSON.
Don't forget that. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
