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Good for you for not sending the letter. I don't think it would matter. Time is what will make a difference. When you are selfish and care only of yourself no matter what is said, would the selfish one change. I think not. They don't care. Why should they, they got what they want.

It's only when the R ends or the op gets hurt will they step back and possibly think.

I understand about breaking ow glasses. I am glad I don't feel the anger like I used to. I just think ow was a fool to get involved with my h and now look at her sitch. How is that working for her now? It isn't. Guess the attraction wore off, it eventually does. It won't be all roses forever.

Time is your friend.


Me 50
H 42
S 22
S 9
D 7
M 12
T 17
H moved out 8/2006
H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks
H moved home 5/2011 for good

"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
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"I have learned over the years that there is no point to try to be rational with the irrational...and IMO, if the OP's were rational people, they never would have gotten involved with someone who is married."

This is a very interesting take. Thanks for this.

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Whitelight
No OP cant be rational neither can my XH at this point
She is living with a very disturbed man at this point
GG
Yes time is my friend
I see my XH crumbling
everything he thought he wanted is now nothing
he lost it all

XH has been calling me frequently--mostly about work as my brother who is usually the buffer between us at work is now gone for a month
so XH and I talk many times a day
I am his secretary and a really good one I might add!

The R is very strange but we are very professional working together and I show him the same respect I would a real boss
Hes been calling me with little work stuff and big stuff again sharing it all with me
I listen and I usually end the conversation--
I am not sure I want to get sucked back into standing
MY R with BF Is over but I really dont know if I feel anything for X anymore except disappointment
after experiencing the high of a new R, it may be difficult to settle for XH again if he decides to turn around
I guess this is a good place--I am really free
I am really moving ahead..I know good things are coming now



I am not angry either GG--The sunglass breaking was so primal--
I will Not do that again!
Peace to you all
peace


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
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Hi
we had a birthday party for D14
D asked xh to come
he came, he didnt help, he didnt offer to pay
left quickly
I guess I still have expectations , just last year, he would be so much more helpful
he didnt talk to me
I was dressed up w/makeup ect s I had plans after the party
MY xh doent like it..he wants me to be an old maid waiting for him and allowing him to fence sit for the next 5 years
Its not happeneing that way
I feel different about him
I think I could still love him and reconcile, but the time wait is too long for me and my attention is drifting
peace


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
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Peace, I am sorry your h didnt step up at your daughter's party. Sad what these men have become.

My C keeps saying to me, with all he's done to you, why dont you feel differently about him? I guess I do in some ways, but I still love him.

Maybe if my attention was drifting elsewhere, that would help - LOL.

YOu seem to be doing ok, Peace. I am glad.

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Hi peace,

There have been so many times in the last 3 years that my H has been a complete jerk to me. Luckily, he's not one to spew, but the coldness and the distance he kept from me were awful. There was a stage that he couldn't/wouldn't even say hello to me when he saw me.

Our H's may be alike in that they can't love more than 1 person at a time (or at least they can't show love to more than 1 at a time). Since ow's been out of the picture, H is ever so slowly changing back to his normal self and is much warmer towards me and kids. Of course, things could always change again when he meets someone new.

Your xH needs to go through this crisis/funk/whatever on his own. Hopefully he'll wake up one day and realize what he's lost. You don't have to wait for him, but you shouldn't burn any bridges either. If xH wants to do that on his own, let him. You've got options now. I say explore them. Who knows what will happen by the time xH finally wakes up - if he ever does.

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SH, You seem to be doing the right things.

I wouldn't feel bad about letting your attention drift. I think that the MLCers begin to sense that.

The comments about sitting around waiting for them to take us back are interesting. I think there is some truth to that.

I have to admit that there is a side of me that wants to make H jealous by showing up w/a really large buff guy sometime - !


M: 16 years
Bomb 4/07
OW 20s long gone
Divorced 11/09
I remarried New Guy
Cooperative r w/X regarding D

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This thread was (is) very interesting Peace. I've read it many times and must say I find whitelight's view point something to consider.

I've been at this for 2 years now. I've never called or emailed my H's OW and we've never met. Similar to many other stories on this board my H has given up EVERYTHING to be with her. Now he has no job, no health insurance and his health is failing dramatically.

Since June he has had appendicitus, swine flu (he says) and now an ear/sinus infection.

The OW in this soap opera is vice president of a non-profit organization for the health/welfare of children. She makes twice my salary. She is an animal rights activist, has 12 cats of her own and spends mega bucks on them - including $4,000 for surgery to extend the life of one of them for a year. He told me she has very high principles sick and that she is guilt ridden over the situation.

Yes, my H told me all of this soon after the bomb. I know ultimately this is the life he chose and these are his problems, but my questions are: Do I say nothing when he is so sick? When he can't afford a doctor? When she apparently takes better care of her cats than of her "soul mate"?

I'm very worried and very concerned about him. Do I do nothing?

I've held my tongue for so long. Is it not time for the truth as whitelight suggests?


Me 56
H 47
Married 21 years
No children
Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself".
Ow Bomb 8/07
H filed 6/08
D final 2/05/10




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SF
I think it is a hard call to be totally honest
At this point in my story, I dont think it will matter either way
or maybe it will
MY xh already knows the truth
but one can only run so long

as for OW
I think some OW might feel guilt
I sense I am dealing with a very sick OW
one who enjoys watching her man destroy his life
one who lives to inflict pain
one who has encouraged my xh to self destruct
I will say nothing to her at this time
she can have XH
I am free

so SF

I think whatever you choose will be ok
pray -mediate -journel and listen
the answers are within you
so much of the time I think it just doesnt matter what we do
nothing really works to wake them up
it is only something they can do for themselves
maybe detaching and really moving forward with our own lives is
the real solution
peace


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
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