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She might be seeing reality, she also may be fishing for something damning to your case, I don't know. You did well to let her know that after D, you will not be there to get back together.

My wife said that her plan was for us to be great friends and even live in houses side by side to each other. I told her that she needed to get out of la la land that I would not live anywhere near her, and that we would never be great friends, I could not be friends with someone that broke up my family and potentially hurt the well being of my children. She was shocked by me saying this.

Keep me updated.

Burt

dburt #1827838 08/28/09 02:58 PM
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I have been battling this for quite a while. I guess hoping that it was not true. I know I would get condemmed by many here if they knew what I did. Since the W has left I am still getting the phone bills etc. I have known since days after she left that she has been contacting an old male friend on a pretty regular basis. It started out as phone calls and I think she got wise and knew I could see the phone bills and moved to using e-mail, texting, and instant messaging to contact this guy. I have not done it in a long time, but I checked her e-mail yesterday. Because I did not see it on her phone bill I had hoped it had ended. When in her e-mail yesterday I could see that there is a lot more going on. To the extent that she has even set up a folder in her e-mail for their correspondence. I got out of it when he sent me an instant message on her account. I guess what I am trying to say is that I think my W is having an EA. I wish I knew better the definition of what one exactly is but from what I have seen I believe it is there. Not sure where to go from here. Not sure if I should confront her on this or what. The guy lives two states away so I don't see how it could turn physical any time soon. But to me there is a very fine line between the two with little difference. I guess what I have come to the conclusion of is that I feel like I need to go in there again and print the correspondence off and have my two closest friends look at it and tell me what they think. They have been my closest support group throughout all of this and I know I am a biased opinion at this point in my life. I don't fault her for going somewhere else. Sure it breaks my heart and I wish she was not doing it. But I know it is wrong and it needs to stop. Especially while we are still married. Just not sure if she should be or how she should be confronted on this. Also not really sure exactly what an EA consists of. Would love the advice.
RTQ


Me 34
WAW 34
S 3
D 1
Marr. 7
Tog. 8
Bomb 04/11/2009
Left 04/13/2009
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Mr Puppy, paging Mr Puppy!

Burt

dburt #1830501 09/02/09 05:11 AM
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Well saw the W today. Extremely cold and very pissed off. I am not sure how someone can be so mad for so long. I will probably catch hell for it but I went in and printed off quite a few e-mails between her and the OM. This is all an EA as he is living a few states away. I have done enough research on it to know that it is one. There are things in there that she used to talk to me about and no longer does. Thing is she started this all up when she quit talking to me. Not sure if or how I should approach her about it. I know things will never improve with it going on. But I will be the bad guy for finding out about it in the first place. When I dropped the kids off she was still just as pissed off at me. Amazing how she can turn it on. I checked my e-mail a bit ago and she is actually asking me to go buy our S some clothes for her to have with him at the in-laws where she is staying. As if the child and spousal support is not enough. I can't believe she has the nerve to ask me that after treating me like crap. There is no way in hell I am going to buy the clothes for her. Again that is what the support is for. I hope I am correct in my thinking here. I feel like she wants to have it all. Any advice?
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btt

dburt #1832802 09/05/09 06:56 PM
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Well nothing new has really changed with her. On Thurs. when I got the kids from her she was nice but that was all. Not hot nor cold. Just in the middle. I know she is doing her best to avoid the court requested counseling. In 4 months she has only gone twice and to two different counselors. So I am not sure how you make progress with that. I keep holding out hope that things will change. I feel like as far as the D goes though I am running out of time. I can only hope whatever happens to her is nothing short of a miracle. I feel like that is what it will take with her. I feel like she is so full of resentment and anger I don't know how she could change. I feel like she is going to crash or implode. Everyone tells me that when she does be there to help her up. Part of me wants to be another part of me wants her to deal with it on her own.
RTQ


Me 34
WAW 34
S 3
D 1
Marr. 7
Tog. 8
Bomb 04/11/2009
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I know it has been a long time since I have posted here. Wish I had better news for everyone. W is pushing things as hard as ever. I know that there is nothing that I can do at this point. It is completely out of my hands. I have not talked to the W about the EA but I feel like no matter what I do about it I will be accused of spying etc. I feel like I have about a month or so to go until the D is finalized. Sometimes I try to fool myself into thinking that I just want this all over but really I want my wife and kids back. I wish there was something that I could do but I know that I have to be there for the kids and try to continue to be the best me that I can. Still have hope but I don't see it happening.
RTQ


Me 34
WAW 34
S 3
D 1
Marr. 7
Tog. 8
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Left 04/13/2009
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Not a lot has changed. I have been d'bing this whole time. I wish I had better news for everyone. The w admitted to me last week that she knows she has done nothing to try to save our marriage. I am going to continue to try to be hopeful and fix this till the end. We are at six months into this now and go to court next week. Although I know she is looking to get this over as quick as possible I know that it won't be done next week. I keep trying to take the high road through all of this. Really wish there was better news. As for the EA, I am pretty sure it is over. I called her out on it but not directly. I think she got the idea. Hard to even ask for suggestions. I feel like I have tried it all.
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Keep doing your best. Everything will be OK whatever she chooses. Just keep working on you to be the best choice.

Best regards

R2C


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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Thanks R2C. I have come to terms with things lately that there is nothing in the world that I can do to fix this. I feel like I have tried everything. I sometimes think that if the tables were turned and I had gone off and things were left to her I don't think she would have given it as much effort as I have. Makes me sad to think of this but I feel like it is true. I know now that whatever happens things will be fine. I worry about the kids all the time but I have kept a journal this whole time and plan to share it with them someday so that they know I did not give up. I hope I never have to share it with them though. Sometimes I just wish she would think for herself and not listen to her family, friends, and lawyers that are trying to steer her by going through with this. I know someday they won't be there to steer her anymore. Court day tomorrow and I go from being nervous to not really caring what will happen. I know that it won't be the end tomorrow. But I welcome the end of this. I just want things to be over. I feel like I have been in limbo so long.
RTQ


Me 34
WAW 34
S 3
D 1
Marr. 7
Tog. 8
Bomb 04/11/2009
Left 04/13/2009
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