Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 3 of 3 1 2 3
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 254
L
lynn08 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 254
Well,I don't agree with that.

I didn't really have any other choice in this situation unfortunately. The car is in both of our names and that is why he wanted me to sell it. Someone was coming to buy it yesterday, and my check engine light was on (due to the spark plugs needing to be changed), so technically it was both of our responsibilities to fix that and I literally had 3 hrs to take care of it before the ppl came by to buy it. He builds cars and was literally the only person I could have called to help me. We still share a house(I take care of,he doesn't live in), bills, checking account for the time being so we do have to help each other out from time to time.

Maybe you don't know that I don't have any family here or any friends that know how to replace a spark plug. I don't feel like that gives him the right to be a complete jerk to me because I asked him for one favor after what he has put me through in the last 12 months.especially when it was for something that he has been pressuring me to sell.

I haven't asked for anything from him. I leave him alone, I don't call him, I signed all his paperwork, he has tons of money when I'm stuck having to sell all my stuff just to get by. He knows I have no one here and told me if I ever needed help with anything, hed be there. So something comes up when I did need him as.a last resort and I get "stop relying on me" its BS.

And I am journaling to get this frustration out.

Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,896
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,896
Originally Posted By: jennlynnb08
He knows I have no one here and told me if I ever needed help with anything, hed be there. So something comes up when I did need him as.a last resort and I get "stop relying on me" its BS.

It reminds me of something someone here told me; he likes to think of himself as a good guy but doesn't actually want to be a good guy. I think the best thing in the world is to go NC. If anybody else treated you like that, you would drop them like a hot potato I'm guessing.
Karen


Me 53
D18, S24
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 4,478
O
Member
Offline
Member
O
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 4,478
Ah, I didn't know that it was also his car and that he wanted it sold. Perhaps you could just turn the car over to him and let him manage it?

As far as sharing house, bills, etc..., try to disentangle your finances as quickly and cleanly as possible. It is really unhealthy to keep those ties going. Can you transfer debt to individual credit cards, for instance?

As for him saying "he'd be there," for you, he won't. I know it is hard to hear, but he will not be a friend that you can always lean on. He does not want to play a husband or friend role in your life right now -- he has made that clear. And you aren't entitled to have him play either role -- the old R is over. So, for your own sake, break the remaining ties as soon as you can. And, be sure that XH is always the very very very last resort until then... You are stronger and more resourceful than you know.


Best,
Oldtimer
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 254
L
lynn08 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 254
Thanks guys
Well D is a B*tch! I mostly have good days but they last 2 days have been hard

Progress I have made since my last post. I started NC. I have only talked to XH 2 times since that last post I made and both times it was him initiating contact and I kept it short, to the point, no emotion and was the one to end the conversation. Both times about finances

Some good things: After the 'spark plug' incident I decided no more. I sold the truck BY MYSELF and bought my self another car BY MYSELF..didnt call and ask him ONE questions nor did i call to tell him about it like I normally would. Of course he called a week later trying to get all the details acting completely surprised that I handled it all myself. I enjoyed that

I talked to my employer about my situation and they temp. raised my hourly wage..meaning I could afford my own place..so I am happy to announce folks that I am moving into my OWN apartment next weekend!! I also arranged this whole move by myself

NC for me is a very hard thing, the one thing I struggled with when I was DBing. Now its like second nature all of a sudden. My friends and family want to push me to move on so fast! My friend acted shocked the other day when I was just being honest when I said if XH ever came back and wanted to work things out, that I dont know 100% that id have the strength to turn away from him...but I anticipate this feeling to take a while to get over

All I know is I have ALL of my own bills now, we have completely separated everything, and that is very helpful

I am still hopeful, but I am also moving on with my life. Sort of sad tonight, thinking about him alot, but that is normal, right?

And its only month one of D!!

Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 4,427
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 4,427
Sounds like you are doing so well! It is very hard, but you will come to find a lot of positives to being able to do these things on your own - I can already hear the rise in your self-esteem.

Hang in...the power of the emotions might still be there, but you will start to feel a shift towards more nostalgia...

Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 4,478
O
Member
Offline
Member
O
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 4,478
"Some good things: After the 'spark plug' incident I decided no more. I sold the truck BY MYSELF and bought my self another car BY MYSELF..didnt call and ask him ONE questions nor did i call to tell him about it like I normally would. "

Wahooo!!!!!!!!!


and DOUBLE-wahooo!!!!!!!! to the rest laugh

As for the future, no need to decide it now. We tend to be pretty bad fortune tellers anyway.... wink


Best,
Oldtimer
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 254
L
lynn08 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 254
I will come back and respond to you all that wrote, I'm just sitting here watching my movers take everything out of my house to my new apartment and I'm not emotional at all! Not saying I won't be later but this a the last step in moving forward.

Also I've been casually dating this really great guy, we are taking things so, I don't even feel like I want a relationship @ this point,but its nice to have the attention! smile so I think I'm making good progress, I think of XH less and less each day, and things that used to make me cry or bug me, don't anymore.

Hang in there everyone, TIME is the best tool for moving forward.

Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 254
L
lynn08 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 254
Got my little divorce settlement in today, not much but its something..I anticipate the official papers to be in sometime soon as well, thank goodness so I can change my name!

I also changed my screen name because I have a suspicion that XH was looking at my posts judging off some things that I said about a month ago on here...so just in case!

I feel like I am accepting things rather well, in fact I am surprising even myself! I guess with me being in my own place in a new part of the city, everything completely separate from XH, it has enabled me to move on alot easier. At this point I think it is safe to say that we will never get back together and I am finally coming to terms with that, and am ok with it.Actually it doesn't even bother me anymore. I was trying so hard to hang onto someone that is never going to be able to give me 100%, and Id rather be alone and take care of myself if that is the case!Will I have days where I am sad when I think about us? Sure, but its not devastating my life like it was before.

I quite enjoy living on my own with my own space....I can do whatever I want, come and go whenever I want, decorate how I want, and no one to clean up after and take care of except for me. I should have done this a long time ago and I am very thankful that I have the means to be out on my own. Until next time!.......

Page 3 of 3 1 2 3

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard