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MissH Offline OP
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Thank you Snodderly, W2S, Andabelle, and WL.

I'll start with some good news...I was pre-approved for a mortgage so now I can start to look for a house to buy instead of a rental. There really isn't much on the market right now in what I can afford so I most likely will do a month by month rental until something pops up.

Of course everytime good news comes my way, it always gets brought back down to the stressful level.

I had a bad night, I'm stuggling today.

Ex took the kids to Florida to Busch Gardens and did not tell me until he was on the plane with them going.

He said he didn't want to tell me before hand because he wanted it to be a surprise for the kids and didn't want me to ruin it with my jealousy.

I finally got a hold of him through text messaging and he told me. Of course he had to use the excuse how he got a super duper deal, like he always does.

I let him have it back.

I basically told him how it was amazing that he always says he has to work all the time (his excuse for not getting a shed permit) but he can find the time to run off on vacation all the time. And that it was amazing that he owes me money, S5's school money, and he still hasn't taken out the life insurance policy he was required to do but he could afford all these vacations.

He TM back that they (he and ow) saved for this vacation. How about saving to pay me back and S5's tuition?

He basically accused me of being jealous and I didn't like when the boys got to have fun with him. He told me to get professional help and read a book because I need to get over him. I ruined my chance with a great guy. He said some other nasty stuff which I can't remember right now.

I finally called his cell and left a VM. I told him "If jealousy is what you want to call it then go right ahead, maybe I am. It's kind of hard to accept all this because when we were married you couldn't spend a dime to take us on vacations. Now the ow gets experience all of this with my kids and I don't. She has taken my place all around. One day I hope you feel the same pain that I have been feeling. And the thing that really bothers me is that you owe me a lot of money, S5's school money, and still haven't taken out the insurance policy, but somehow you have been able to buy a new house this year, a ride-on lawn mower, a $1,500 jungle gym set for the boys, and a bunch of vacations while I sit back and struggle".

He TM me back denying it of course. He told me that he was always unhappy with me he was just denying it to himself all along. He would give into me because he didn't want to admit it. He said he coudn't wait until my brother's wife needed something fixed in their house so he could go over there and he and she would complain about their spouses. He said he was miserable all along and finally got the courage to leave me. He wanted a companion and he didn't have that in me. He said the boys are much happier now with us apart because we don't fight.

I told him "we only fought when your ho entered the picture".

Of course he denied it. He TM me back again but I did not have the fight in me to TM back.

Why if he was so unhappy did I not see it? If he was so unhappy why couldn't he tell me instead of complaining to my SIL? I couldn't fix what I didn't know was broken. Instead he decided to wait until the ho passed him by and took the easy way out.

My self-esteem is pretty low this morning. He was so damn miserable with me I forced him into the ow's arm.


Me:35, ex: 36
Sons: 9 & 7
Bomb: July, 2006
Divorced 2009
MissH #1790565 06/27/09 02:15 PM
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Ms. H,
That's great news for qualifying for a mortgage. You'll find the right house in due time.

Now, about your xh, you have to bite your tongue and stop feeding into his antics. You are just upsetting yourself more and more. What does the paperwork say about him taking the kids out of state w/o your permission? Can he do this without notifying you in advance? I would most certainly advise my lawyer about the trip and let him deal w/it.

Every time you go up against him, he hits you and your self-esteem once again. If he was so damn unhappy living w/you, he would have walked out years ago. Also, you would not have had two beautiful little boys. He's saying this stuff to upset you and make you feel miserable. He's won once again. What he's saying is BS in the finest form. Stop going up against him when it comes to what he owes you. Let the legal system do it's job and you are paying a lawyer to take care of such matters...give it to him to deal with.

I know this is difficult for you w/him being gone w/the boys, etc., but try to get some rest for yourself. I'm sorry he's not grown up any, but it's going to be years before he matures and makes his way as an adult.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
job #1790581 06/27/09 03:03 PM
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MissH Offline OP
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Snodderly,

I know I fed into it, I knew I was going to do that before I sent the response to him.

I'm just so tired of him being the only one who gets to vent his anger. I have anger to and I am tired of keeping it bottled up.

Now that anger is directed at myself.

I can't help shaking the feeling that it has been me all along. That he hasn't been going through some MLC all along, the whole time it was just really me. I feel like everything is my fault.


Me:35, ex: 36
Sons: 9 & 7
Bomb: July, 2006
Divorced 2009
MissH #1790591 06/27/09 03:12 PM
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MissH..Breathe.Snodderly is right. AS long as he knows what buttons to push, he will. I had to learn..He is wrong by taking her out of town without you knowing.

IT IS NOT YOU!!!
IT IS NOT YOU!!!
IT IS NOT YOU!!!

Do not fall into that again..It took me two plus years to realize it wasnt. Ok, now lets say it was all you.. You have changed. You prove him wrong. You stop letting him get to you. I had to learn that to. You become the best YOU can be. For you and your kids. It's time.He won't stop unless you stop letting him push your buttons.

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hey miss h,

when u defend yourself to him right now.....he will justify why...dont defend at all anymore...promise yourself this last incident was the last time....he has to make u feel small to justify what he did otherwise he couldnt do it....anytime he says anything to u any put down at all.....your response is I am sorry you feel that way...( say it sincere) and change the subject.....your guys are in a cycle....dot tell him all the things he didnt do with you....he knows it.....and he will never look at himself with you pointing it out.....its sad but true....becuase he has u in mommy roll with him too you are his mother....and he is rebelling....

let him go....focus on everytime u interact with him....that u will not get sucked in...he is a master at sucking u in.......he set this whole vacation up to get a reaction out of u...and it worked....no more....unless hes harming the boys let it all go...change the dance.....not his game anymore

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If his lips are moving, he's lying. If he hated you so much, how did he manage to to impregnate you?! He has to hate you now, and make himself believe that he was always miserable with you, in order to justify what he has done.

Time to hit him with the L, big time.

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Miss H,

We know that it's not you and it's him because remember??? he's the one that said your son didn't look like he had strep and so therefore didn't want to meet you to give him medicine. Does that sound like a reasonable, rational, responsible, sane person?

A good person, a sane person, would have worked on the marriage. And if he was truly miserable and all your fault and he is so upstanding then he would have divorced you before cheating on you. No, he's a s**t. He wants you to take all the blame and hate yourself. He lies and lies and lies some more.

He won't get a life insurance policy? Remember even the divorce lawyers don't like him. It's not you it's him. But he is soo bad that he wants you to think it's you.

This man is truly evil.

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http://n-continuum.blogspot.com/2009/06/why-is-it-hard-to-heal-significance-of.html

I think this web page listed above might be helpful to you. I hope you will take a look at it.

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Excellent link.

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Hi all, thank you.

I'm pretty tired right now so I don't feel like posting much.

Just wanted to share with you a TM that ex sent me today supposedly from S8 (but I know otherwise)

"We are having LOTS of fun Mom! Love, S8"

notice how the word lots is capitalized. I know S8 didn't send this.

It was just ex trying to rub it in my face.

I did not and will not respond.


Me:35, ex: 36
Sons: 9 & 7
Bomb: July, 2006
Divorced 2009
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