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Joined: Aug 2008
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Oh don`t worry 2il;I`m an expert when it comes to everyone else`s problems!I know that place of fear anger and disbelief all too well!

The key thing for me was discovering through LRT what made my H tick(or thick, as the case may be!) The more I applied the LRT the thicker he got;instead of initiating R as I had hoped, he just got madder with me. Not quite sure what exactly triggered that for him but once I learnt(the hard way!) not to get caught in the crazy fear-anger-fear dance I began to feel more peaceful.

For my H blaming me for everything AND trying to make me angry is what keeps him ticking. So I`m unhooked from that.
I`ve also discovered through therapy that I`m very quick to jump into the fear place AND I like to control everything too so I really needed to let go for my sake.

I don`t think your H reacts the same as mine:yes, he seems to need to blame you for his problems but I don`t think he gets a buzz out of making you angry. Maybe he enjoys seeing you pursuing him.

I think being happily detached from him might help you see the unhealthy pattern between you.

Maybe. I`m no expert though!

I do know you MUST mind YOU and your kids.Plan lots of fun without him!

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Yes, the LRT seems to make my husband more distant, he thinks I "don't care". But I'm sick of pursuing, it just causes me pain as he continues to reject me, so I'm not doing that anymore.

My heart is breaking at this very minute, he is meeting with the attorney right now.


Me 39
H 42
M 11, T 12
S 10,6
D 3
EA 2007
separated in same home since 3/10/09
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2iL

(((hugs))) I know its hard when your H seems to be moving on but try to have fun just to distract you at the very least. Get moving on your goals for you.

And, no matter what happens, just believe that all this will work for the very best outcome for you and your kids.

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I know quite a few DBers on this board whose WAS saw Ls and even filed but later it was dropped, him seeing his L isn't the end, though I can understand your pain that he is even seeing one and that it seems so final talking to a L, but it doesnt have to be.

As far as the date, I had one of those, that numbskull idea of "seeing if I feel something", he still doens't understand that love isn't a feeling it is a desicion, I'm sorry you had hopes that were dashed, but dont' loose hope hon. Sometimes distance does help, and I hope this is your case, that he sees what he is missing.

I do believe in fake it until you make it, but I dont' think you have be all upbeat and chipper when he is around, just relax, be yourself, the self you were before you met him...find that confidence again.


Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2

30something
2kids
survivor of S, MLC, A, D
I have peace in my heart, at last.
cat03 #1789069 06/25/09 01:09 AM
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Well, H saw DA who counselled him not to leave the house for a separation. So H is staying but he's being so mean and unkind, I wish he WOULD leave! His negativity is dragging me down..


Me 39
H 42
M 11, T 12
S 10,6
D 3
EA 2007
separated in same home since 3/10/09
Joined: Aug 2008
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Hugs to you 2IL! I suspect your H wants to drag you down. My H is at the lark as well-sulking cos his mother says he has to stay-yeah great, I`m only here with you cos I have to be here. Don`t get any notion that I love or care for you.

Leave `em to stew in their own hurt. Detach. Detach. Detach. The old game is they get angry/demanding/whatever you jump.You`ve gotta stop jumping to his moods and get out there and don`t let summer pass you by. Make 09 Happy Memory Time for you and the kids.

Only you can make you happy.

Only himself can make your H happy.

It`ll; probably take a very long time for him to learn that lesson. Just don`t get into the pit with him.

That`s where I`m at at the moment and no, its not easy but the less I watch him the easier it gets.

(((Stay Strong)))

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