10 months later I STILL HAVE CONCERNS I had read 6 different books including Michele's d_busting. We never went to counseling. We watched the movie Fireproof together. I read the book from that movie. We are making love 2-3 times a week, we take showers together very often, we sleep together and hug while we are slept. Kisses now last longer (5 seconds). Everything looks back to normal. We took a cruise vacation together. We also went to Curacao together and had a fantastic second honeymoon. I will give myself a qualification of 7.5 out of 10. I love my wife like never before. She is my Queen and she is the one in command. She deserve the best and I'm giving her the best. I'm treating our 18 yo daughter like a princess . Everything had changed in our home even the furnitures.
Back in August 9, 2008 I discovered 100's of phone calls made from my wife cellular to the manager of the PX supermarket were she used to purchase our groceries. I entered this forum and starting reading and reading and reading desperate to save my marriage after my wife asked me for divorce the day after the discovery. I extracted everything from 6 different books since not everything applied to our case. I did my investigative work with not too good results. I stoped "interrogating" my wife since she was planning to fleet. We had a mix of miserable and wonderful days together after that.
10 months later I continue with the investigation and guess what...I found out that I was chasing the wrong OM and I called the "wrong" OMW back in October last year...(sh#!@). I was close but it wasn't enough.
Back in Febrary I discovered in her night table a note and a heart with her name and the OM name printed. Also a note declaring her love for him. I showed her what I saw and that was a 4 hours nightmare for both, but them we went to sleep together like nothing happed. Well after receiving from her a divorce treating I cooled down. I'm learning like a dog, if I mention anything about her affair she hit me right in my head with the stick (treat of divorcing)
10 months later, today. I know exactly who is the OM. I know the name of the OMW. They never had children together but they are living with the OMW's son from a previous marriage. This is also the OM second marriage. I told my wife from the begining that she was dealing with a married man. She didn't believed me. She said the OM told her he was divorced and that he lived alone in an apartment. Guess what...they live in a house 7 miles from our house and the guy is the manager of a local PX supermarket.
My concern: I haven't prove it yet but I believed they started the telephone convertations after this guy was promoted and transfered from the px supermarket close to our house to a supermarket 20 miles from us in June 2007. I tracked her once Octuber last year after the D day and I was able to confirm this. Now, yesterday I confirmed that this guy was transfered to a PX supermarket closer to our house. My wife is totally unaware of this situation. I entered the supermarket and I saw his picture hanging on the wall "store manager". My concern is: my wife sometimes goes to this supermarket. If she discover the guy is there something may happen. So far she hasn't promise me she will not see this guy again. I'm confuse and paddling the boat at the same direction and speed she is doing it. Everything looks so far so good but this guy has an appeal to her and I affraid something will happen. I don't know if should go to his working place and warn this guy about what could happens if I discover another affair with my wife, or maybe I should treat him to let his wife know everuthing about his affair with my wife. That could start another problem that I can not afford at this point. I feel like I want to "revenge" all the miserable days this guy made me go through but at the same time I realize that if my wife knows that I'm following this guy she may be not too happy. I also discovered that this guy launch his boat at the same marina we launch our boat.
After 10 months of hard work to get to were we are, to a point that it looks like a "permanent" honeymoon. I'm still affraid to blow it. Please somebody help me. I need feedback. For the last 2 days I haven't been able to sleep well again. I'm having dreams about fighting with this guy. Even when I'm awake I feel like going to his place and tell what a piece a Jerk he is. Even I'm thinking about telling his wife. I know that even tho 10 months has passed it isn't enough to cool down. I think if I ever get close this guy I will kick his act or it could even be worse. I still don't know. I feel unconfortable now that I know the OM is around. Need feedback
Me:52 W:50 M:30 D:19S:27 Discovered EA:08/08 denied W insisted on D+ILYBNILWY:08/08 Exposed wrong OMW:10/08 Found exact OM's ID 2/09 Expose OMW son, not sure OMW knows yet 25 months after still a rollercoaster
I think you have a right to ask your W how everything is going and be honest with her. Tell her that because of her past infidelity, you have lingering doubts about her faithfulness. Don't tell her what you know about the guy. Just bring up your concern. It's the truth after all.
You'll never fully be able to trust her as it's still pretty early. 10 months is not enough to get over something like a PA. All the books and experts say 5 years minimum if even.
Bring up your concerns and learn to build up trust from there because if it's not with this guy, you'd be worried about her with someone else.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Thanks stuck808. I will keep an eye well open. Timing could variate. Let's see. But always think about carring a loaded bomb with me and drop it anytime waiting for a big explotion. If I tell the OMW she will probably try to find my wife to get information, without thinking on other effects it will bring... and the thing could become a snow ball.
M - 51 W - 49 1S - 26 1d - 18
Last edited by dgtal; 06/06/0911:07 PM.
Me:52 W:50 M:30 D:19S:27 Discovered EA:08/08 denied W insisted on D+ILYBNILWY:08/08 Exposed wrong OMW:10/08 Found exact OM's ID 2/09 Expose OMW son, not sure OMW knows yet 25 months after still a rollercoaster
Me:52 W:50 M:30 D:19S:27 Discovered EA:08/08 denied W insisted on D+ILYBNILWY:08/08 Exposed wrong OMW:10/08 Found exact OM's ID 2/09 Expose OMW son, not sure OMW knows yet 25 months after still a rollercoaster
i can fully hear your concerns, re your wife going shopping... i wish I had solid hard advice. How likely IS it your wife is going to go to this place? as lame as this sounds, is there a way you can incorporate the 'weekly shopping' as something you do together, on say, a saturday? make an event of it? and in the process, steer her AWAY from ever going there?
most women would be OK with that thought, and she might enjoy it very much, if you have local markets and such? im wondering if you can kill two bird with one stone, be more of the loving, attentive husband, and keep her AWAY from that store, all at once...
When you're down to nothing, God is up to something.
FightinFit. Believe me thats what Im doing. We have a WD supermarket 4 blocks down the street. I've been taking care of the shopping myself since the crisis days (DD). She went once to the PX where she originaly meet this POSOM and called me from there to let me know that she was there. I immediatly stopped what I was doing and drove there to help her. She was very thanksful. This guy wasn't there anymore anyway.I knew that. The PX supermarket where this guy is working at the present time is in another neighborhood and she never goes there. Now if I ever notice she went there an purchased something it will be suspicious. I don't know if I should go there and prevent this guy to engage in any conversation with my wife or ignore it.
And Puppy, thanks for your comment. So far I dont have proof that this affair was physical. And she sweared to God she never had sex or got kissed by this guy. So far I'm labeling this affair "emotional". Who knows. I still don't know the exact time that this phone conversation lasted. The cellular phone company so far hasn't been able to give me the call history from far as 2006/2007 or farther. I'm going next week to a corporate Metro PCS office to ask again and see if they can retreive the call history from like 2 years back.
By the way. Today I just asked her if she loves me and she said YES. I'm so happy. Before she used to tell me "don't ask this kind fo questions please"
Me:52 W:50 M:30 D:19S:27 Discovered EA:08/08 denied W insisted on D+ILYBNILWY:08/08 Exposed wrong OMW:10/08 Found exact OM's ID 2/09 Expose OMW son, not sure OMW knows yet 25 months after still a rollercoaster
you have got to look at her. you have said all these great things about how your R is now since the sitch. Almost always, if people are having an A, you will notice things in your R. but it sounds like things are great between you two right now.
Listen, what were the reasons she had the A in the first place? because she was lacking something in the M that she found or received outside the M- in other words she wasn't receiving love in the way SHE needed it, and then someone else starts providing that for her, and then she becomes delusional. In the months or years before her A, was the M like it is now? I'm thinking not at all. So that being the case, and that it seems she IS now receiving the love that she was lacking before, why would she go elsewhere?
because this man IS there, and it is very possible that she could run into him...I suggest either you need to just trust her and be quiet, or to be upfront. Depending on how YOU have been after taking her back, I would not voice much about how you are afraid or concerned she might do it again. there is nothing she is doing now that would give you reason to believe that. You do not want to start looking desperate, or that you don't believe in her actions, etc.
well, okay, first it would be good to know HOW you know this information, and would she be mad about it. is it from you snooping? which I think you need to cut that out too. why do you need old statements of phone records? that is the past. you obviously wanted to save your M, and you have, and your M has been quite exciting it sounds, so why bring up what is old? and has no bearing on the present?
okay, I'm done. what I think is best is to act as if. because if you start acting suspicious, and start dwelling on these events and past information, your whole being is going to change, and you will react to her differently, and your persona will be different, and it won't be a good thing. don't let this become a self-fulfilling prophesy thing (if that's the term I'm looking for)
Last edited by S.T. _I Made It!; 07/08/0903:59 AM.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
i can fully hear your concerns, re your wife going shopping... i wish I had solid hard advice. How likely IS it your wife is going to go to this place? as lame as this sounds, is there a way you can incorporate the 'weekly shopping' as something you do together, on say, a saturday? make an event of it? and in the process, steer her AWAY from ever going there?
most women would be OK with that thought, and she might enjoy it very much, if you have local markets and such? im wondering if you can kill two bird with one stone, be more of the loving, attentive husband, and keep her AWAY from that store, all at once...
I love that advice.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
