Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 9 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
#1776416 06/02/09 12:51 AM
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 277
K
Kelly23 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 277
Starting a new thread.

This seems to be our MOA lately. I decided it is over and have been pushing him away, ignoring him, etc. Now he wants to start cuddling me and kissing me and asking me to do things. I think it is too late. I have finally convinced my heart to start over and now he wants his piece of it back. Or at least he does today. Tomorrow he will be telling me he wants to move to out again.
It is going to really upset our son but I think now is that time so we have time to deal with it before the kids are grown. I know we will suffer as a family but I am ready to be on my own and make it without him. I almost feel like I have to do it and prove it to myself before I can ever get over this. Does that make any sense?


M:38
H:42
T:20 M:19
D:18 S:17
MLC: Sometime in 2007
OW Bomb 1: 12/28/07
OW Online relationship 2: Spring 2009
Told him I wanted D: May 10, 2009
D final: 07/09/11
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 508
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 508
Hi Kelly23,

Unfortunately it does make sense. Detachment is the best thing that you can do for yourself and for your kids. You sound like you have the right mentality for the task. Best of luck to you!


Me40
WAW37
M18 T20
S18,14 D13
EA Bomb 6/08
Sep 11/20/08
Ret 08/09
Sep/Filed 11/09

first
latest
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 277
K
Kelly23 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 277
Thank you PortlandDad. I have decided that I am going to enjoy my summer and do what I want to do and stop worrying about him. All of the sleepless nights I have had and what good has it done me? None. Walking on egg shells for over a year and he is no more closer to committing to us than he was when he cheated the first time.
I got some really good news about my teaching placement for next year so I am super excited! It includes a small raise so now I KNOW I can take care of myself! Yeah me!


M:38
H:42
T:20 M:19
D:18 S:17
MLC: Sometime in 2007
OW Bomb 1: 12/28/07
OW Online relationship 2: Spring 2009
Told him I wanted D: May 10, 2009
D final: 07/09/11
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 257
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 257
Congratulations on your new teaching placement. I know you are super excited. I understand where you are right now. I think I am there too. I would love to have my husband back, but that would have to be the one he promised me when we met. The one who was going to keep his promises and didn't lie to me. I am coming to the realization that I just need to let it all go and focus on me and what I want right now. I want peace in my mind, my house and yard to be a place that I enjoy coming home to, physical fitness (my ultimate goal is to be able to run a 10k), and my children to be provided for emotionally and monetarily. These are the things I have control of. The other stuff is just mental BS that is messing with my PMA. I have a counseling appointment tomorrow and I do believe I will be requesting some medications to help me. This overwhelming feeling I am going through and the anxiety coupled with nightmares is getting to be a bit much to get through on my own. smile I don't live far from you! If you ever need someone to chat with. I'm around!


"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 277
K
Kelly23 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 277
DId you go to you counseling session today? Or is it tomorrow? I was not sure since we were posting so late.


M:38
H:42
T:20 M:19
D:18 S:17
MLC: Sometime in 2007
OW Bomb 1: 12/28/07
OW Online relationship 2: Spring 2009
Told him I wanted D: May 10, 2009
D final: 07/09/11
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 277
K
Kelly23 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 277
Journaling:
Spent yesterday shopping with a friend. We had the best time. Woke up today really angry at husband, not sure why. I am thinking of selling the house so I can just start fresh. Not sure how much the divorce is going to end up costing though. I can refinance the house and keep the $ from the equity to pay off bills. Or I can sell, pay off the bills and have a different place. I hate having to make all these decisions. I really love my house and we have done so much on it to make it just how we wanted it.


M:38
H:42
T:20 M:19
D:18 S:17
MLC: Sometime in 2007
OW Bomb 1: 12/28/07
OW Online relationship 2: Spring 2009
Told him I wanted D: May 10, 2009
D final: 07/09/11
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 277
K
Kelly23 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 277
I am so frustrated with my daughter right now. She is doing typical teenage things, nothing serious, but I had worked so hard for the PMA! I have been sitting here thinking about the horrible knot in my stomach. It is for my daughter instead of my husband this time but I HATE the feeling. It brings back all of the disappointment and sadness I had when I found out about the affair.
I have got to start exercising again. I have pouted all day sitting around the house and I cannot let myself fall into that trap again!


M:38
H:42
T:20 M:19
D:18 S:17
MLC: Sometime in 2007
OW Bomb 1: 12/28/07
OW Online relationship 2: Spring 2009
Told him I wanted D: May 10, 2009
D final: 07/09/11
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 277
K
Kelly23 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 277
Went out after work tonight to dinner and to see Hangover with some friends. It was so funny! Now that I have decided I am not going to stay married and am getting a life, husband has been so nice and helpful. He even fixed my lunch Thursday which he has NEVER done in all our years together.
Funny how he wanted to be single until I decided that was fine with me. I guess now he has decided that he wants me but I do not want him anymore!


M:38
H:42
T:20 M:19
D:18 S:17
MLC: Sometime in 2007
OW Bomb 1: 12/28/07
OW Online relationship 2: Spring 2009
Told him I wanted D: May 10, 2009
D final: 07/09/11
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 277
K
Kelly23 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 277
I just got off the phone with a dear friend who informed me she ended a 7 year relationship. I so wish I had her strength right now. Talking to her has really given me the boost of encouragement I needed. I deserve more than being second to my husband. He did not try to rebuild our relationship after the first affair but instead used that time and energy to find another woman online.
I will not be treated like this a third time.


M:38
H:42
T:20 M:19
D:18 S:17
MLC: Sometime in 2007
OW Bomb 1: 12/28/07
OW Online relationship 2: Spring 2009
Told him I wanted D: May 10, 2009
D final: 07/09/11
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 21
T
New Member
Offline
New Member
T
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 21
Originally Posted By: goingtofixME
I would love to have my husband back, but that would have to be the one he promised me when we met. The one who was going to keep his promises and didn't lie to me.


You've said exactly how I am feeling. I want the man I married back - not the man he has turned into in the past few years! I want the man who shared my goals and dreams, who cared that we BOTH got what we wanted out of life, who promised that he would support me if I supported him. Who enjoyed attending ballet and theater and art shows and symphonies and book groups and all that kind of thing with me and then discussing them over dinner afterward. Who was always easygoing and let everything roll off of him. Who was always very responsible even if somewhat forgetful. This person he is now, this incredibly driven corporate executive who spends what little time he has off drinking, gambling, womanizing, and playing with his "boy toys" (Harley etc), I don't even know him! I still don't understand why at 33 years old he all of a sudden decided to give up his cushy 30 hours a week and great benefits job as a university professor to work at a 100+ hour a week corporate job that I know is going to drive him into an early grave - how does a type B just turn into a type A overnight? 'Cause that's exactly what it seems like has happpened to him.


Me: 38
H: 38
1 S: 6
M: 6/1994
S: 12/2003 sep isn't "legal"
Page 1 of 9 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard