Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 28 of 100 1 2 26 27 28 29 30 99 100
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 626
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 626
You need a mailbox by federal law. $2000 penalty for not having one and no one but the us postal service can touch your mailbox. So no dice there.

180's are simple to figure out in terms of what they are. They are much much harder to execute.

If you are the one who starts every conversation...stop. If you are the one who calls....stop. If you are the one who does things for him, like gets the card and gift for his parents and family for special events, stop.

But if you are the one who pays the bills, you have to keep doing that. If you are the one who figures out the logistics for your son, you have to keep doing that for your son.

But anything that benefits him, and only him you can stop doing. He's saying he wants out and wants to live his own life, let him.

You live yours.

Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
M
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
thanks guys. i am really really struggling. moreso than usual.

i think this crummy ny weather is depressing, my time of the month does not help my emotions either.

everything is making me cry. i hate crying. i dont even have the strength anymore to cry.

im trying to focus and cant. trying to think one step at a time, and cant seem to right now.

im waiting for these moments to just pass.

im not ready to let go, but i know i have to. but knowing and doing are 2 different things. i can let go for alittle and then i stop.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 626
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 626
STOP!!!!!!!!
Here's the extra issue with you, which is not unique: OW and his life with her. It would kill me to be thinking the things you are probably thinking about.
With my H and his OW, she didn't want to hang out with him. The few times he saw her outside of work.....it was a work function with hundreds of people around, so it was like being at work. She just wanted to flirt with him at work and not much more. His ego is still smarting from that realizaion. Plus she went and found a boyfriend almost immediately after being dumped by her ex. And my H took that pretty hard too....I told him, she had the opportunity to pick you and it never even crossed her mind. He knows that too and is dealing with it much better I must admit.

But anyways--your situation SUCKS the big one. I feel for you so much. It's agonizing. But you will get through this and he will regret his decisions he's making now. You won't.

Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
M
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
im attempting to redeem myself from my awful day yesterday. it was one of those days where u just cry, think irrational and cant seem to get out of it.

so today i went to the gym, updated my resume and already sent it out for a job in a local school district that would start in the fall. im thinking to lean towards schools for the hours and school vacations to coincide with my son. so we will see.

i also finally got through to the person i need to speak to about getting into this really nice apt complex. they run special pricing for unique situations and i certainly fall into that!

i cried my hardship and already filled out the form and faxed it back.

im getting there. minute by minute.

im trying to organize what i can in my life and while i do that, im not thinking as much about him.

i hate that i still want him back, im smart enough to see that i shouldnt, but my feelings arent there yet.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 626
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 626
Stop fighting yourself here. You still have feelings for him. Stupid or not, you can't judge that and neither can anyone else. You just have to make sure you and your self respect are in tact when it's all said and done.
You fought for your marriage....when is that not a good thing?
You keep fighting for as long as you can and want to. Stop feeling bad that you are still committed to something worth fighting for. STOP. You are a good woman.

Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
M
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
thanks, i appreciate your support. im a great woman, too good for him! i know it and he knows it.

u must read the book Split, by Suzanne Finnemore. it is a chronicle of her divorce, its hysterical, yet makes alot of great points.

anyway, im doing better than yesterday, i see i will be ok but at the same time, im fighting for him still.

he doesnt deserve me fighting for him. he just doesnt.

but i am. maybe over time i wont be, like puppy said, i will know when i dont care anymore.

right now, i still do, but i do have the moments when i feel as though im close to simply moving on, without him.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
M
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
ok, finally spoke with my attorney. he said i can certainly do nothing with this odd letter i received.

he told me my situation is odd to say the least, and we can continue to play things by ear.

that is what i will do.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 18,296
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 18,296
Doodles,

I'm glad you got some legal advice -- that should give you some good peace of mind.

How are you feeling about things today? I hope you don't think I "blew you off" on your "180" question, but I just don't think you're ready yet. Although I do see you making progress.

I'll try to help in any way I can. I really am pulling for you.

Puppy

Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
M
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
thanks, i know u are...u are right, im not ready to let go completely. and if i thought i was and let go for a day or 2 or 3, i know i would revert right back.

im doing better today than yesterday. i have to chalk it up to a bad day and i know it will happen again. and again. maybe i will handle it better next time.

im proud of myself for pulling out the resume. i know im such a smart girl with such potential work-wise. but gosh - i was the happiest stay at home mom there was! i was not the type that didnt appreciate being home, i wasnt the type to find a sitter and leave my son home when he was little to do my own thing all of the time.

i loved and appreciated that i could be home. it hurts to think what he did to us financially. but oh well for now.

i spoke to him today, im better when i dont talk to him or see him, but that isnt so realistic. he sounds terrible and told me he isnt do so well either. who knows with him.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 626
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 626
[b]post deleted - PERSONAL CONTACT INFORMATION is NOT ALLOWED.

Page 28 of 100 1 2 26 27 28 29 30 99 100

Moderated by  Virginia 

Link Copied to Clipboard