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i did thank him when he brought it, he knew i was surprised.

we are on very good terms, our daily interactions are fine, truthfully i go above and beyong what someone else in my shoes would do.

when he showed up this morning out of no where (and scared me half to death), the first thing i did was thank him for bring the certificate and offered him a cup of coffee.

he is in a crisis right now that only he can figure himself out of.

i have done absolutely everything i can, i have stood by him and continue to do so.

i have pulled back, just enough to not pursue, yet im still being cutesy and being me.

i do not mention ow, or the fact that he made it sound like we are finished for good (nothing ever came of that).


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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i always start to feel down at night, especially with the weekend.

i took my son out for dinner and to the mall, havent gone in a while and he has a good time, especially going to the candy store.

didnt hear from h, usually do, he is like clockwork.

im wondering if he came by the house instead of calling and just saw we werent home.

oh well, if he did, it looked good that we werent home.

im doing ok for the most part, but i miss him.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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I think that its good that you are getting out. I like going to the movies, I know that it costs money, but really, all you have to do is go out and be entertained for a few hours. It was a good distraction for me.

Everyone does ok for the most part, even when things are "perfect" there are always tough days. Maybe they happened less often, but theyre always there.

(((Mdoodles))) I hope that you have a good weekend.


I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
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Originally Posted By: mdoodles


im wondering if he came by the house instead of calling and just saw we werent home.

oh well, if he did, it looked good that we werent home.



Abso-frigging-LUTE-ly!! wink

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hey mdoodles, nights were the worst for me also, I wish I could actually do or say something to help, but all I can do is say what helped me, which was reading a lot, before bed... I would read motivational, spiritual books. A lot were complete crap. but some were really good! I kind of like that bit actually - I learned some new things and new ways of looking at things... probably the dalai lama taught me the most (quite something coming from a catholic girl LOL.)

overall i think your doing fantast, and journalling is doing you well... just dont go down the wrong paths... ie anger, hatred, resentment... its so hard but... if you can avoid that its so beneficial... thats why I loved the dalai lama I guess, he taught me about REAL compassion. ie theres two types: theres the one that has SELF INTEREST and ATTACHMENT (ie I will care as long as it serves me) and then theres the real thing which is I HAVE COMPASSION EVEN THOUGH THIS PERSON HAS NO ATTACHMENT TO ME... its a real freedom. genuine compassion requires a HUGE amount of patience and tolerance. im not even close to being proficient. but im learning! and it does ease the pain

PM .... OMG yes yes yes! laugh I love your posts ... laugh


When you're down to nothing, God is up to something.
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so h showed up again this morning before going to the store.

i so think its so he can see me in my pajamas! lol

so weird, his behavior is so weird, although i guess not really.

just appears like he is second guessing himself once again.

i played it cool and friendly and my usual cute self.

kept conversation light, stuck to sports, the penguins winning cup and my yankees beating his mets

he actually asked what i was doing today, because he heard my son telling someone on the phone that was taking him to the local amusement park.

he came into my bedroom and sat on the bed with me watching tv.

he did his usual, im leaving now, so i was like, hnag out alittle longer, lets watch tv together. and he did.

he told me he would come tomorrow again after work, i said ok.

im sure he will call me later, im trying to keep myself from texting or calling him first.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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All good things. And yes, he's second guessing himself. I think you need to stay detached, and yes, if you can DO NOT contact him first.
This has to be his idea. He has to be the one to want to work on it first.
Nights are pretty bad. The bed feels different when their weight isn't there to even it out. Sleep in the middle. That helps me a lot.
You can do this. You are so great.

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i should be used to not having him in bed, this october will be 3 years since life was normal,

but having him back in between is what starts me back at zero.

after a few weeks, i slowly adjust again, but either way, i miss him, especially at night.

i slept so well when he was back.

but its comforting to know he isnt so sold on leaving again.

i wish he could see what everyone else sees. i wish he was strong enough to deal with his emotions, deal with what he has done and be willing to truly work through it.

i cant make him but i do hope and pray he finally reaches that point.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 18,296
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Originally Posted By: mdoodles
so h showed up again this morning before going to the store.

i so think its so he can see me in my pajamas! lol

so weird, his behavior is so weird, although i guess not really.

just appears like he is second guessing himself once again.

i played it cool and friendly . . .

he did his usual, im leaving now, [b]so i was like, hang out alittle longer, lets watch tv together[/b]. and he did.


That's not "cool and friendly." That is the in-person equivalent of calling or texting him, and it's PURSUING.

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to me, pursuing is when it pisses them off.

for my situation, pursuing and pressuring is when i harp about the ow, nag, plead or beg.

when i am friendly and he is responsive, to me, its a good thing.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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