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I think its up to you Mdoodles, if you feel like talking to him, go ahead. I talk to my H everytime he calls my kids. Actually he always asks to talk to me. The conversations arent long at all though. Just polite talk. I feel we can keep the peace better that way.

Its hard on you I know. I had a spell last night where i just wanted to cry for a while. I hate that things are this way. I know in time that things will get better....for you too.


Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
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well yesterday i had a DAY where i cried for a while!

sometimes it just hits me, so hard.

i really truly have been on such a rollercoaster. i am so used to waiting for him, so used to him saying he is coming home, so used to talking to him and making nice, so used to the excitement of him really leaving the ow and coming back to me.

and then he was here. to be honest, NOT so exciting. things were weird, the store we opened was not helping because it was not doing as well as we thought it would.

and, he hadnt fully cut off contact with her.

now he is gone and back to her and leaving me again. yet acting like he isnt so sold on it. somedays yes, more often than not, no, acting totally ambivalent.

its too much for me. add in the financial disaster, coming from us being so financially secure, and im ready to explode!


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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husband just called, it rang 2 times, he must have gotten disconnected, he called right back and my fax machine picked up.

im not calling him back, if he wants, he can try again.

so nerve wracking.

did i mention i left him a message at 430 this morning? i was up, totally overwelmed and upset, who knows what i even said...


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Jun 2008
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You know kissak it's going to be the hardest thing I will ever have to do. I hope I can be strong enough.

Come July 24th, I will ask H one question: Are you still with
OW? If he says yes, I have my answer. I will tell him we have no future and recommend to proceed with the D. I am growing in fear and anxiety. I would be a liar if I told you I was at peace with this. I am not and believe I will never be. I do not see myself with anyone else in my future years. My H is the love of my life and I cannot even fathom my life without him. I do know that it is not healthy or normal to live the life we have over the past 46 months. I shudder to think what all of this has done to our son.

I have remained strong and steady in my stand. I do realize I deserve better even if it's being alone.

My hope is that H "snaps out of it" before we reach the 24th.

I am sure the next 30+ days will fly by......

I am reluctant to call my lawyer at this point, I am willing to wait until the 11th hour on this one.

I think H realizes he belongs here with me and he certainly has taken many steps back towards us but he can't quite seem to reach the porch for good.

I hate the OW. I never thought I could hate another human being as much as I hate her. I don't feel like a D will be giving my H to her. He will not stay with her. She is merely a product of his MLC and he will awake from it and realize all that she stands for and he will run and run fast. I want him to realize it now but as the veterans of this board tell us a man comes out of his MLC when he has completed his journey and there is no telling how or when it will happen. If they aren't completely ready they don't return for good but rather make false starts and keep us in limbo. I believe they can't really live without us and like us can't imagine having to live without us either. My H has told me his R with the OW would be much better if he could get over me. He has said point blank "I can't get over you". It is my feelings that they never do "get over" us. A very few will come out of their MLC and swallow their pride and humble themselves enough to return to their families. These are very special men. These are real men. Men who value their families and put an end to their selfish ways and "Man-Up" to their responsibilities and realize that what they had/have is too precious to lose.

I would like to think my man is one of these men.

I fear he is not and most likely never has been. It is a weak man who runs from us and is pulled away by these home-wrecking OW. A weak man caves to outside temptations. It turns them into liars and irresponsible husbands and fathers.

I am rambling so....I will stop.

I get very cynical. I do not like it. I try hard to see the good in him and forgive him his faults. I have made it a practice to forgive him every morning for what he is going to do during his day that will hurt me and our son.

I know kissak and mdoodles just how tired you both are too. I wish for better days for us all....

Someday the dark cloud will evaporate and the sun will shine warm and bright upon us. This is real and true.

Hugs to you both,
Sanderika



ME48/H48MLC
T 33y
M 28y
S16
OW 8/7/05
Bomb 8/16/05
Sep 9/05
H f'd D 10/3/08
D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09
D dismissed 2/5/10
H served me D papers again 9/4/10
D dismissed 9/26/11
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u are so not rambling! i love to hear what other people like me are thinking,

we think alike...

does the ow call u ever or harass u? mine has.

and i have never been anything but nice. i tell her the truth because she is being fed lies. i know she doesnt trust him. i know she pushes him and questions everything and searches his phone.

i have no clue why he even runs back to her.

he has done nothing but lie and cheat on her. nothing but plan his escape back to me. then comes and here we are again, he is gone.

u are right, they need to finish their journey.

i too, am waiting until the 11th hour. i am wrong to do so because of the finances, but for right now, im moving very slowly legally.

i dont want it and he waivers on it so much, why should i waste money on a legal situation i dont want?

i worry about my son too, he is 5. what does your son think?


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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so h just called again, he isnt acting too nice these days. my what a change since last week.

he started to say, do me a favor, dont... and i put my son on the phone.

i know i overdid it yesterday when i left him a message in the middle of the night and sent some texts during the day.

couldnt help it, normally i can, but i was so upset, i just couldnt help it.

oh well. like anything else, he will get over it. i will just prepare myself that the next time i see him, which is most likely tomorrow, he will not be all lovey dovey. its probably better that way anyway.

who does he think he is anyway? that he can do all of this to me and im just supposed to be fine all of a sudden? that all of a sudden he comes home and leaves again and goes back to her and its just ok?

like i dont have feelings? that one day he is all over me and following me and the next not? like that doesnt affect me?


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 3,525
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Im beginning to believe none of these men are going to Man-up and do nothing till they really know they have lost us for good! They know we love them and want them...so why should they have to hurry up and decide to come home....we're waiting for them. I know everytime my H see's me taking a step towards something besides him, he changes...

MDoodles....I know its hard...I have texted my H at all hours on some nights in the past...because I was hurting.

I even broke down today and asked something I shouldnt have, but sometimes I have to get something out in the open before I can let it pass....I basically asked him was he talking to the OW again since she and her 4th hubby have split (after only 6 months) He told me that they hardly speak at all anymore.

We do have to be forgiving, and at the same time not let them walk all over us. In the end its our decision!

I will pray for you Sanderika...I know how hard it will be for you to say that to your H....I have imagined saying the same thing to my H...I mean 3 years will be here before I know it!

I agree with you Mdoodles, I dont want to push a divorce either..I dont want to pay anything for this! Its his Party! Let him pay for it! (a good friend told me that)


Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 3,525
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I think you did good putting your son on the Phone to talk to his dad...really you dont need to talk to him.


Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
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so i just spoke to h, he called again to talk to me. i didnt want to get on, son gave me the phone.

i said, i dont want to hear it, i dont have the strength. he said neither does he but my messages arent helping.

he was nice, he said he is struggling too, having terrible days too. i dont know what he meant in what terms but i was glad to hear he isnt happy.

it may be more financial, dont know.

he didnt say however, but this is what it is and we are splitting. he has made no mention of the letter from his attorney. dont know what it means.

it may mean nothing.

i did say i was sorry for the messages, not because i didnt want to annoy him, more because it wasnt like me.

and i wouldnt be surprised that the ow is the one that saw some, or saw he got a message in the middle of the night...


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 626
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All I can really say is that every time things have turned around in my situation it's been when I started caring more about me than him.

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