It's MY life now!!!........

[peacetoday]

Silent
I can so relate to you and your story
this proves to me again and again that MLC is real
the secret Life..I only just found out my sxh address after almost 3 years of this
He is very secretive..not really normal for a grown man unless he is ashamed or trying to hide something
I know it is all so painful b.c I too thought MY xh was someone else..he was at that time
that was real
but over a cours of a few years right before bomb he was beginning to shift
maybe he got tired of living by the book..doing things right
being loyal honest ect
b/c now he is a man with little morals
I lived with him for many years and he did have morals
he is different
they did love us that was not a lie
they just chose a different path now
one that appears easier atleast inially but ofcourse in the long run it will strip them of everything
maybe that is the plan..the lesson we all needed to learn and live
my XH is also unavailable
picks up his phone when he wants
they dont want to be accountable to us anymore
yes we all made mistakes, but we have learned and will take the answers with us --that is a blessing
so keep going
it keeps getting easier to let go as time goes on
my life and your will keep getting better
less complicated and everything will fall into place
peace

[Silent Chrleader]

Thank you, (((peace))).

I don't know these days if STBXH ever really loved me or if it was all a lie like he has said. I have a tough time believing that people can truly totally change their very character like that.

I think the truth probably lies somewhere in the middle (it usually does). It wasn't all a lie like he thinks, but it probably wasn't there like I always wanted to believe either.

Anyway, I am doing a little better this week. Not great, but better than last week. I did do a "reverse look-up" on the phone number and now know where they live......I felt like crap that day after doing that and felt like an idiot...... why did I do that to myself!!?? It's not like I am ever going to go over there or actually call or anything! I have absolutely no desire to ever meet or talk to "her". But, anyway, I'm doing better now.

Another funny thing....... it looks like he may be hiring my son-in-law to come work for him. So, that would be my step-dad, brother and now SIL, that work there....... How hysterical is that? One could be forgiven for actually thinking he cares....... or that he's salving a really guilty conscience......

I am going to a dance tonight, and there's another one I want to go to tomorrow (if I can get someone to go with me).

Just keepin' on keepin' on......

[Teddy]

sorry guys about what is going on.

Wife did the same thing, and your stories sound so familiar?

You just have to move forward.

Again, really sorry that anyone has to face this.

[dl443322]

Hey, sorry I couldnt take you call. I was out to dinner with friends.

Sweetie, I know what that feels like, when you are not sure if you were living the same life as he was. It hurts.

But, I have come to feel that, at the end of the day, it doesnt really matter. I know my truth. I dont really care what he thinks his is. HIs problem.

And who cares who he hires and why? I dont think our h's are capable of guilt. Not my problem. I wouldnt want to be him for anything.

[peacetoday]

BM
may have a point maybe they are not capable of guilt
or they stuff it all away so well
another part of the same problem
peace

[Silent Chrleader]

((Teddy)) Thanks for posting to me, and yes, we do just have to keep moving forward. I am trying my best to do that, at least "physically". In my head/heart, it's a little more difficult sometimes, and I get frustrated (with myself) with the feelings and thoughts I still have.

((BM)) No worries on not taking the call. I just figured you were busy GAL'ing and we'd connect later. You seem to be doing so well!! I absolutely love your new "F him" attitude, Brooklyn!!! You are a true inspiration to me!!!!

As for who STBXH hires, in this economy, I am glad for my family members, BUT it also makes it difficult to stay detached emotionally and really put some distance between us. I don't have that ability to shut off my emotions like he seems to have......it makes for a strange dynamic in my sitch.

((peace)) I think my STBXH is capable of guilt..... but being able to admit it and express it in a healthy manner is a whole other story!!

I really wish you would go on the alt so we could call and really chat. Where in the US are you? I have a vague recollection or Texas, but may be totally out to lunch on that.....

Well, I did get some really great news. It looks like my C is going to be setting up a new office in the next couple weeks just a couple miles from the old place, so S18 and I will be able to resume C. That is a VERY good thing!!

Tonight I am going dancing again, this time at a different studio. Hopefully I will meet some new people who like to dance.

I really am so grateful to you all for your patience and understanding with me. It means more than I can say!

((((((BIG HUGS))))))

[Silent Chrleader]

Well, I think that I qualify for the official poster child of DB failure. It's said that it's not about saving the M but about saving yourself. I am a dismal failure at both!

I have been doing my dambdest to GAL, PMA, etc.... I go dancing several nights a week and have made new friends. I have been pleasant and aloof in all my dealings with STBXH for the last several months. I don't call him unless I absolutely have to and when we do speak I am upbeat, and positive, and try to be the one to end the conversation. I have tried to let him go with love and move on with my life. I don't want or even like the man he has become. So, why can't I let this go!!?????

He doesn't love me. He doesn't even miss me a little bit. And here I sit sobbing over this man who doesn't want me, and pouring my heart out via this computer to a bunch of people I don't even know....... how totally pathetic is that!!???? We've been seperated for 16 months! Why can't I get over it already!

I went dancing with a friend over the weekend who has been divorced for 13 years, and hasn't "met a man" yet....... I don't think I could be alone for the rest of my life, but I don't want to be with someone because I can't be alone either! And I have no idea how to be "single". I was with my H since I was 17, and I never felt I was missing anything.

I guess I'm just not strong enough...... I just don't think I can do this.....

[The Wifey]

Honey,

Give yourself time to cry tonight. Cry until you can't cry anymore. Then rinse your face and go to bed. Get some sleep. You will wake up in the morning drained, but much calmer.

I've been at this about the same amount of time as you. It comes at you in waves. Sometimes you can float on top of them, sometimes you have to swim like crazy and sometimes they swamp you.

I don't know how old you are, but if you are in your 40's it could be that you have peri-menopause. I am, and I only mention it because one week out of the month I am a mess. Normally I can DB with the best of them, but that one week I feel desperately frightened that this will never improve, I cry, and pace the floor. Now I've realized when I get to feeling that way it is my crazy week, and I am able to talk myself through it a bit.

Even cheerleaders need to rest honey. Be gentle with yourself. You wouldn't be human if you didn't feel some sadness now and then.

[peacetoday]

Silent
((((HUGS))))
You are ok
and definitely not a failure
You are doing well and Wifey had some good points
maybe it is just a wave or hormones
grieving comes and goes so ride the wave and it probably will be gone soon
you have done very well during his crises
everything is in order
you can not fail b/c you are doing waht you are called to do
hang on
peace

[dl443322]

Oh Sweetie, listen to me. You cannot push yourself into feeling the way you think you should feel. There is no timeline. We get to where we need to be when we get there.

You cannot force the GAL and the PMA. Maybe dancing is not giving you what you need at the moment.

SC, dont yu dare say you are a failure. YOu have come so far, with a lot on your plate and you did it with dignity and honor.

But you do seem to be so petrified about not ever having a man in your life. You may want a man someday, but, you do not NEED one. You are not ready to be in a relationship right now. And you will not be until you mourn the loss of this one and until you truly let go.

Honey, it is hard to get your mind around that the man you were with for so long, seems to be moving forward in his life just fine. Believe me, I know how much that hurts.

I think you need to try to find you. Dont worry about whether you are going to meet someone or anything else. Just let yourself be open to the possibilites life has to offer. The rest will fall into place.

((((HUGS))))