Hi! I have been over in MLC for almost two years. H was coming and going for a year and a half. I finally couldnt take it anymore and told him if he wants to leave, he needs to do it. He left for good in March. Ow is old girlfriend from 30 years ago. She lives in another state. H is living with her mother (she was like a second mother to him back in the day). Aside from first two months after the bomb, we are cordial, kind and thoughtful to one another like a good neighbor. H has not once had second thoughts about his decision. I am trying to move forward and detached but not completely. H comes to see son on Saturdays. I usually say hello then go out. Not sure what I want to do. I am still standing in that I am leaving the door open a crack. H seems very happy and does not seem to be coming towards me at all. I think he was done a long time ago. He has not filed. He seemed to be coming a little closer in Dec. or Jan., then flew back into the tunnel. And thats it in a nutshell. NUT-shell - ha!
Wow, I am so sorry. You mention that H seems happy, but that may just be temporary. I think it seems natural for MLCers to regress back and now people can reconnect easily with folks from the past. I have been tempted to do that myself, but it is a stupid band aid. Nothing real. That is the trouble with MLC, it is not reality. I am so sorry that you are going through this and I hope H wakes up from that fog.
I thought my H was out of his fog, but there are still so many clues that he is still in the middle of his MLC, his style of clothes and his weight. His attitude is almost back to normal and he is no longer sleeping around but he still looks like he wants to be 20 years ago!
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Sounds too familiar. My H is seeing OW that he met on Facebook while putting together a HS reunion. They went to HS together and he seems happy as a clam being the person bringing all of his friends from the 70s back together. He is definitely still in the fog and there's nothing that I can do. So, he's not seeing a younger OW, but someone that brings him back to a time when he was a teenager. I agree with mkultra - too easy these days to reconnect with your past.
You are brave to have gone dark. It's a tough thing to do and something that I haven't been able to completely achieve. Does your H ever mention D? Have you decided what you want? You said that the door is still open a crack, but I was wondering if you are still trying to salvage your marriage or if you have gotten to a place where you can see moving on from it? I can't even imagine ever getting to that place, but my S is still very new. We're all in a very painful place. Glad to have this board.
