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judyc #1768580 05/16/09 12:51 PM
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Hi Judy - I've read through your thread and, although my H is having an affair, there is a similarity to our situations. The A is most likely just a symptom of what lies at the heart of our issues. My H said many of the same things as yours. He moved out and I was faced with looking at my part in the things that went wrong in our relationship. Everyone thinks that I'm incredibly strong and dignified, and that I've handled this situation with a lot of grace, but inside I feel like I'm dying. Like you, I'm trying to keep busy, get involved, reassess, and learn. When you wrote that you didn't like the person that you had become, I could relate to that. I guess I am stronger than some might be, but I don't feel it inside. On the other hand, you appear to have a level of acceptance that I admire. And also a great deal of self-respect. I applaud you for that.

I am wondering if you think that your H's actions have anything to do with a MLC? My H and I are in our early 50s and I strongly suspect that my H is going through a major MLC. That;s not to say that there aren't things that I need to work on, but it explains a lot to me.

I will follow your posts and your growth as you wind your way through these dark days. By the way - we don't have kids either, but 4 cats and a big wonderful, old dog!


my story
blueheart #1768585 05/16/09 01:25 PM
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I felt like you were reading these words from my own story, its so close its hard to believe
Quote:
He moved out and I was faced with looking at my part in the things that went wrong in our relationship. Everyone thinks that I'm incredibly strong and dignified, and that I've handled this situation with a lot of grace, but inside I feel like I'm dying.


I found myself being told by a friend on friday night how dignified they think I have been/am being through all of this. But what I always think to myself is 'i feel like im dying inside'

You are both right keeping busy learning and working on ourselves is the best thing. I still struggle with the acceptance part some days. Judy I think you have done so well especially considering the fire disaster. I like your list. I need to start doing that. A list to get me going, once I start I am usually half way to feeling ok by then!

Keep strong and positive.


Me-27
H-28
M-2.5 yrs T-8.5 yrs
No kids
B 1/09
S 2/09

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1775859#Post1775859
hopeful_cb #1768734 05/16/09 09:58 PM
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Thanks for your support, Hopeful and Blueheart. As you both know, every small bit of encouragement and support works wonders. Yes, I feel sad, as both of you do right now. I feel like someone (H) took a part of my life away, and I'm kind of pissed. But, we have to do the best we can in these tough times - there really is no alternative.


Me: 48
H: 47
M: 16 years
Separated: 4/24/09
3 cats, no kids
My Story
judyc #1768787 05/17/09 02:02 AM
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What you said about people noticing when you react with grace,strength and dignity is true. The few people who know my sitch have said the same to me. I usually feel strong but at times out of the blue it just washes over me like a huge wave. This is when I remind myself that when the Lord brings you to it, he brings you through it.

It is amazing how many people are telling me that I look fantastic. I guess it takes a WAH to make you bring your A Game.(sigh) Of course my H hasn't said anything but I KNOW he must have noticed. I am becoming a lot more varied in my choice of clothing and I keep thinking WHY didn't I do this before when things were better? Why did I keep myself in a little box? Even at work I have taken on new responsibilities.....WOW! Have you also noticed that you seem to be growing in other ways? As you say, what else can we do, right? I also think it is imporatnat for WAS not to see us being crushed.


Can't keep a good woman down
kara #1768821 05/17/09 03:09 AM
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Today I got more accomplished on a weekend than I have in awhile...

Did a load of wash in my washing machine, set up clothesline area in garage.

Bought extension cord and cheap lamp, plugged into temporary outlet, so now at least there is some light in my all dark house until the electricity is restored.

On a whim, bought cheap jewelry making tools/supplies so I can at least make some simple jewelry in the hotel until the house is ready.

Bought new clothes and bathing suit for Memorial Day weekend trip to friend's

Bought a new wallet and handbag at Coach Outlet (replaced a two year old Coach wallet that had broken, gee do I ever learn...)

Purchased two books "Getting Back Together" and "The First 30 Days"

Made a scallop and wild mushroom risotto for dinner (thanks Food Network!)

Tomorrow:

Do ironing

Read new books

Buy decorative wreath for hotel room door (need a new one anyway, as the old one was destroyed when the fire fighters (God bless them) broke down the front door).

Buy vase of fresh flowers to brighten up hotel room.

Buy potted flowers and put next to garage, so I will have some pretty flowers for the deck when I move back into the house this summer.

Think that's enough for one day...


Me: 48
H: 47
M: 16 years
Separated: 4/24/09
3 cats, no kids
My Story
judyc #1768891 05/17/09 12:55 PM
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Hey JudyC,

You did such a great job yesterday! That is a lot of accomplishments!

Just wanted to say Have a good day today!!!


Me: 35 , H - 38
M: 3.5 yrs
R: 8 yrs
Separated: 4/28/09
Divorced: 9/11/09
judyc #1769092 05/18/09 01:47 AM
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Hello JudyC...I read your posts and just wanted to connect. I think that the timeline of our situations is similar and wanted to commend you on your progress so far...I wish I could have a more positive outlook. So far I am trying to talk myself into being positive and sometimes I am...it just doesn't seem genuine! Anyway...sending good thoughts to you...
Take care,
Nicole

babymama #1769762 05/19/09 01:58 AM
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Hi Judy

I've been meaning to get over here.

You sound like you're doing great, especially considering the fire! I don't know how you manage without your kitties though. I love having mine with me even if I complain about them.

Glad to hear you're keeping busy and mixing it up between need to do and fun to do things. I hope you got some great new clothes and a fab bathing suit (I did)!

You have inspired me to finally get around to making a new necklace. I have so many supplies and never seem to make anything. I will get on that this week so I have a new piece to wear next time I go out with BF.

I really applaud your attitude about doing the best you can right now. I know I sound like a total hard ass on orchid01's thread but I was not always that strong. Believe me, I had plenty of down days but surprisingly not as many as I thought I would. At the end of the day you want something good to come out of all of this terrible mess.

Keep up the good work! And don't beat yourself up when a down day comes along. Just keep doing your best and you'll make it through this.


If you love somebody, set them free.
http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
pearlharbr #1770395 05/19/09 10:44 PM
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Thanks, everyone. Nicole and PearlHarbor, thanks for listening.

I found out some terrible news just a few hours ago. I found out, via the internet, that my H was with another woman over the weekend.

I am just devastated, and my mind is spinning.


Me: 48
H: 47
M: 16 years
Separated: 4/24/09
3 cats, no kids
My Story
judyc #1770479 05/20/09 01:38 AM
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judyc,

Sorry that you had to hear the bad news. In all honesty, it sounded like he had OW waiting in the wings. Has he contacted you at all since the S?


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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