Saving a Military Marriage.... 4

[FitChik]

Just checking in...... Not much going on with my sitch. No communication with my H in over a week now. I asked him to call me to discuss legal matters but nothing..... Sigh. It's hard not to hear from him at all. I am trying to deal with it the best I can but it's difficult.

I have spoken with several lawyers. There really isn't a lot I can do. I filed my answer with the court today. The only thing I contest is paying his L fees!!! Which I will not do! I would also like to contest the divorce itself but I don't think that would win in court :-) My sis is a lawyer and has helped me out a lot! I'm glad she can explain all this legal crap to me.

Big excitement in my personal life! I am climbing Mt. Rainier this weekend! It's a 9 mile ascent gaining over 9000 ft to summit at 14,410!!! I have never done anything like this! It is a once in a lifetime experience.... unless I'm crazy to do it again.... which I might be :-). I have been training hard for it and am ready to go! The big part of our climb will be on Sunday. I would appreciate prayers for our group's safety. I am going to wear my camera out!!

Hope everyone has a great weekend.

[jaguilar]

Yea, I got the same, pay for her legal fees. She wants a D and but she wants me to pay for it. I don't get it. I know its L talk.

Mr. Rainier, good luck. That's gonna be awesome.

Have fun and take lots of pics!

[FitChik]

Yeah, it's great huh?? How do I get stuck paying for a D when I do not want a D? What strange creatures our WASs are.....

[FitChik]

Time for an update....

I was away this past week climbing a big mountain in Washington. It was a good break away from civilization and had spectacular views. I met some great people from all over the world and endured some serious pain!

I have had a lot of stress and frustration on me from my sitch. I was able to put it behind for my trip.... but I still felt the weight of it all. I would think about everything from time to time while alone or at night while trying to sleep. There was also such a young, cute, fun, happy couple on the trip I really enjoyed.... but it also made me sad at times....

The week prior to the trip was very frustrating and challenging. I talked to several Ls without any clear cut answer. Some do not think I need a L and of course some do. My sis (who is a L) helped me draft up my answer and I submitted it to the court & to his L. I addressed several things on my behave I wished for, such as marriage counseling and the possibility to use a military service act while I am deployed.

I asked my H to contact me regarding legal issues last week but he would not. I finally e-mailed him and told him my concerns (that he was asking me to pay for his legal fees!). He told me not to worry, he's take care of it, and supposedly fixed our paperwork. I will believe it when I see it.

I have been guilty of being emotional with him lately. I am so frustrated with our situation. There are multiple reasons....

I absolutely hate that we never discussed our M in person before he deployed (even though there was time-he chose not to several times). I do not understand how you can end a M without having face to face time with that person. It really makes me angry. My H comes home in July right before I leave to deploy for one year.... but his only response to seeing me is.... I don't want to see you!!

I also hate deploying knowing my H has so much hatred and bitterness for me b/c I will not agree to a D. I am facing my own morality before leaving and I have a hard time being on such bad terms with my H. I hate knowing something could happen to me when things are such a mess between us.....

I still have so much sadness & frustration that my H has treated our M and myself this way. I know it has been months now since our D was announced and filed.... but it is still raw. I see lots of ways I have healed and grown stronger..... but there is still so much work and progress to be made.

I don't know if I'm backsliding or still going through the grieving process. I really feel like a large part of it is due to deploying next month. I want so much to be on better terms with my H and reach middle ground.... but it has not happened. I feel so much frustration and stress to make something positive & good come out of our situation but he is so angry with me.

The only way to solve my H's anger is have the D finalized..... but I cannot disregard my own values and beliefs to accomodate his desires in this situation.

Just venting.... I have a lot of raw emotions stirring in me right now and it is great to get them out. Any thoughts or advice is appreciated.

[FitChik]

I've been away again and want to update...

It's been a rough few weeks. I continue to feel anxious, sad, and hopeless. I am very frustrated with my sitch. Communication between my H are few and far between and when we do talk, my H is very angry and non-cooperative. It is very difficult for me to cope with. I want to smooth out the bumps we're having and he wants nothing to do with fixing anything between us.... I'm trying to accept it but I'm not doing well with it.

I went to Vegas with my sis & best friend. We had a great time! Got to see the sights and get some sun! But again, I kept having thoughts about my H and missed him. I had a lot of fun but still felt like there was a level of sadness I couldn't shake.

I deploy in several weeks. I either need to decide to let the L go through whenver it will or decide to put in place a military act to delay the D until I come back from deployment (12 mos). I need to pray about this a lot for the next few weeks....

I also know my H is returning from Iraq for break right before I deploying for 12 mos (he's been gone 6 months now) and he no desire to see me. I would like to see him and talk about our M - as we never talked about our M or the D in person before he left. But I'm sure he wlll not agree. It's hard for me to accept a M ending without talking about it in person. I guess it's another thing I need to try to accept.

I'm just having a rotten time coping with everything right now.

[jaguilar]

Hello Fit,

I was thinking about you and Vegas. Glad to hear you had a great time.

We can all give you advice on what to do but in the end it's up to you.

Stay strong and focused.

[K4D]

Fit,

Thats hard when they won't talk to you about it. On top of that we are told not to bring up any R talk. Its frusturating. I can see how it would make you feel like you are having a rotten time.

Keep praying and staying faithful to God. Ask for his will to be done.

Kevin

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Missing you Fit!

Living God's blessings with grace nd dignity~
SMW

[Tomato]

oh boy ...it is about time that I resume my visits to Marie-ville.

don't know how much time you have or haven't been spending on here since I haven't been around to notice but I will have to scroll up to see what U R up to.

Be well. May your days be Holy Spirit driven.

T

[FitChik]

Thanks for checking in Kevin, SMW, and T :-)

I haven't been spending much time on the site. I am super busy getting ready to deploy! I stop by and follow other threads but have not updated mine a lot.

It has been a very tough month now and I finally feel like I'm starting to come out of it. It has been very hard for me to deploy having our sitch unresolved. If something were to happen to me or my H, it's hard knowing my H has so much anger towards me. And there is nothing I can do to fix it. It's been difficult to accept. I hate going to bed when mad at someone :-)

I went through several short periods where I felt hopeless and it was very difficult for me to continue pouring my heart into prayer and seeking God. I am not angry with God in anyway but felt frustrated. The chaplain I see for MC gave me an assignment to get angry with God and tell Him anything that was on my mind..... good and bad. It helped some and I have continued to be renewed. I am thankful my faith has been my stronghold this entire trial..... I think I would have jumped off a cliff by now :-).

My H has been very angry and has probably been emotionally abusive at times due to his anger. When he gets that angry, I have told him I will not tolerate him talking with me that way and get off the phone. Any conversation we have now is in regards to legalities....

I have prayed a lot about using a military act to delay everything through the time I'm away (12 months). Considering the D was filed in December and it is now June, our D has continued to be delayed for multiple reasons. I often wonder if it was purely a coincidence or if God is involved in the delay..... I am not completely sure what I will do but I am leaning towards not using the military act and letting everything play out while I'm gone. If God truly wants our M reconcilled, He does not "need" me to use an act that delays it a year. If it is truly meant to be, it will work itself out on its own w/o forcing my H to stayed married to me against his will. Any thoughts are appreciated......

I leave in 2 weeks for Afghanistan. I know I will be very busy getting packed up and moved out. I have a lot of loose ends to tie up. I also have a few fun social events I am looking forward to before leaving. I feel like I have little time left to have complete freedom and feel like a woman! It is bittersweet to leave for an entire year.