She certainly does vent to me, she's done that in spurts kind of.... Like she'll vent about stuff to me for a few weeks, then nothing for few weeks, then she'll do it again... No pattern at all to it...
Our MC appt is next Friday, so we'll see how that goes...
I've always thought the best thing I can do is be a good friend to her. However, I also let days go by that I don't contact her at all. Those are usually the days that I hang out with friends or have somethign else planned. Someone on this board called it "hit and run" tactics a while ago...
Hey Sam, Tim was here. Found the new thread and bookmarked it. Sounds like things are mostly status-quo for you, with some possible upside in the upcoming MC appt.
As I told V a long time ago... your only goal for this MC appt is to get wife to go to another one!
My thread, Carpe Diem #4 Orig Thread: Carpe Diem #1
The hit and run thing came from me early on discussions with Sandi, where she told me to think of a cool guy or moviestar that I could behave like. I came up with James Bond... She said I wan't the only one! LOL! He seems to be doing pretty good with the ladies! Dunno if you guys agree or not, but that's what I was thinking anyways. So, thinking about how he makes women get to him, I had the impression it might be that he pays a lot of attention to them, then he basically ignores them for a little bit until they wonder if he's still interested, then he comes back... Not really sure if that's how it works for him, but I took some inspiration from that...
So my "hit and run" consists of being really nice, friendly and concerned with her and then days that I do my own thing and don't contact her. This is also becoming easier as I get around to doing more things with friends, or work on the house.
Wanted to explain where the hit and run came from!
pearl, Tawnya, MB and TG, thanks for stopping by. I did have fun this weekend, that's why I haven't really checked the board in a few days!
And, TG, the way I brought up MC a while ago with my W was that maybe going on a regular basis might work as opposed to a single visit and then letting it just play from there. She seemed agreeable to that, so we'll see.
Thanks for stopping by pearl! I'll definitely come visit over there.
About the regularly scheduled MC: what I mentioned to W before was that maybe going once a month would help instead of once a year. It's been 10 months since we were there last, and we have only been twice. She's said since then that she thinks it's a good idea to go for her own good, but that she's not sure if it will help "us". And that's fine with me. I don't think we can fix "us" if she doesn't first fix herself. I have done a lot of fixing myself over the past year and I am definitely in a better mindset.
Another thing I have not mentioned in a while is that she has been taking a prescription preventative medication for her migraines of which a major side effect is depression. She's been on it since early 2007 I think, so she started it about 9 months before the "bomb". I (and HER entire family also btw) have tried to tell her that she seems depressed and that may have something to do with that medication. Of course, I was told by W that I am just trying to blame the whole M trouble thing on the medication. Not sure what she's told her family. Anyways, her sister convinced her to stop taking it about 2 months ago and I have seen a pretty good change in her. On Tuesday night, she came by so we could do our taxes (I know! Last minute! ) and she started talking about how much better she's felt since she's stopped taking it. She said she never realized how depressed it made her feel, because you don't notice the change if you're the one taking it. I told her that that was what I was trying to tell her back in Oct, when she didn't take it for about a month, that I noticed a change in her as far as being more optimistic.
So, all in all I think it's a babystep in the right direction. We'll see what MC will do.
OK, just have to vent a little after what just happened... I already vented a little by myself before I came here, so it's already subdued a little.
My W and I have a MC appointment tomorrow. Since we did not agree on a time to meet to leave, I call her up tonight to see if she wants me to come pick her up or if she's coming here. She picks up and I ask how it's going and she says that she's busy making stuff for tomorrow's arts fair, where she's supposed to man a booth the whole day. So I tell her we were supposed to go see the counselor tomorrow (we waited 3 weeks for an appointment) and she says oh crap that was tomorrow? And I say yes, we talked about it and you said well, it's 3 weeks from now, but we better take it before we have to wait even longer. She says she remembers that but didn't write it in her agenda and that she didn't think it was confirmed yet and apologizes several times saying that she wouldn't have agreed to man the booth if she had known/remembered but that the lady she shares the booth with can't come tomorrow. She says that she told me that this arts fair was this weekend and I say yes you did, but to me the weekend is Sat and Sun. She says that I could still go by myself, that that could still help me, and that she could move her time to another day. To which I say while that is true, with 1.5 hrs to get there and 1.5 hrs back, we should combine that trip just from the gas cost point of view. I also said that were going to have 40min each by ourselves, then 40 min together at the end. So I say that I will cancel and ask for a new time.
So, bottomline we're not going tomorrow... I really wanted to get angry, but what would that help? I am really not an angry person, but this kind of stuff PISSES me off. We make arrangements, I move stuff around to make time and take time off from work for this and she doesn't write it down and plans something else... I do understand that at this time it's too late to rearrange stuff, but it's the poor planning that is bothering me. It's really nothing new, it's almost like I expected it. She's always been disorganized and she plans so many things and doesn't write anything down! It's not just things with me that get screwed up, her own things also get double booked sometimes. In hindsight, since I know all of this, I should have reminded her a week in advance.
Rereading all of this, reminds me of pearl's xBF. All I get is words (she said she thinks it would be good to go to MC), but no actions (like making sure you save the date).
I guess I am disappointed... I guess you could say that I set myself up for disappointment, but I was just looking forward to doing something constructive, making changes, any change, one way or another.
Anyways, I guess we'll get a new date and time and I'll make her write it down.
Dunno if you guys agree or not, but that's what I was thinking anyways. So, thinking about how he makes women get to him, I had the impression it might be that he pays a lot of attention to them, then he basically ignores them for a little bit until they wonder if he's still interested, then he comes back... Not really sure if that's how it works for him, but I took some inspiration from that...