Strange New World

[native]

Hello Kenn, Msm,

I'm back up!

So, we signed divorce papers and accepted an offer on our house in the same day...wow!

D is ok....complained about missing the other parent when she went from house to house. Other than that she is enjoying her second week of horse camp, something my parents are making possible. She is horse crazy!

ExW seems happier. Apparantly celebrated by going out and buying a $60 digital camera for our daughter for her upcoming birthday, which she suggested we give her together. D will love the camera.

We did have a little spat before signing the papers as I informed her that if she decided to have her new love interest move in that I would do what I had to do to gain full custody. She said I could do nothing about it, she considered it a threat and that she was not a big proponent of living together before marriage anyway.

[native]

Last screen was acting up....

Anyway, woke up about 3 am just feeling empty and missing her. I guess thats how D feels about both of us.

What do you do about that?

Oh, kind of a final shot across the bow, as we were talking a bit in the weeks leading to the big day, she said the seperation time made her realise that she did not like herself when she was with me, she likes herself much better now.

Should I take that personally ? My thought is that close relationships hold a mirror up to ourselves, revealing to us things about ourselves whe might not otherwise see, and maybe dont want to. Any thoughts?

[MsMelancoly]

Hey native, Its been a long time. Sounds like you have been through a lot lately. Sorry to hear your M ended. Sometimes it is for the best, even though it doesn't always feel or seem that way. Good to hear your D is doing ok. I bet she is having a grand time at camp.

I wouldn't take what your xw says personally. I think you are right in your statement above. I also believe many WAS regret their decisions but will stick with them at all costs. In my own sitch, I guess, I realized too, that I want someone who would stick with me through the good times & bad & try to work the bad times through. Some people just cannot do that.

Hope your days get better! Stay strong!

[native]

I guess, I realized too, that I want someone who would stick with me through the good times & bad & try to work the bad times through. Some people just cannot do that.

Amen, Amen to that sister! Totally.

Emma is really enjoying horse camp. It does however feed her need for a steed. She is soooooooo horse crazy! So she is in her happy place right now.

My job with her is to teach her by word and example how to have successful relationships and how to find happiness apart from a person, place or thing, which is where most people look, and most people find instead dissapointment.

Read recently in a bit from Gary Chapman how lasting love requires us to move from receiving to giving mode. that is where we ultimatly find our greatest joy.

Oh shucks! I thougt it was about ME ME ME!

[native]

I also find that right now I am in no hurry to get married again, but am a bit cautious.....unless I can figure out what just happened, how can I prevent it from happening again ?

So I have done a lot of thinking about what I have learned.

In fact, an ex-girlfriend and I got together ( she called me, heard I was seperated) and she asked me just that question.

And I think I will get into that in future posts. Cause it helps to verbalize these things. Helps me to know what I know, you know?

[MsMelancoly]

Ah, some times, with some people .... do you really think you alone can prevent an R or M from imploding? Finding the correct communication wave length, that both can relate to, is a big key I think. I wonder if people who run away from their problems ever hook up with another that does the same? Who would be the WAS then? LOL

I think your D is in good hands with you. I would also add, to let her express her feeling, even if you don't agree. I think it's even more important when kids get older & the type of bond you have may change at times. Always be a father your D can feel comfortable talking to & telling her problems to. I don't have a very close relationship with my dad, I think because of the real lack of emotion & understanding from him. Kinda hard to explain. Lets just say a few months after my H left me, I told my dad. After that he did not ask about my H nor did I volunteer any info. After I was D, I told him, I was D & he said I was wondering about that. End of topic. Yet, I cannot fault my dad too much, because honestly he has 0 R/M skills.

I'm still working on building my own skills.

[MsMelancoly]

Oh, BTW, it would be interesting to hear what you know, you know. In time, I hope you will post a bit of it.

[native]

I wonder if people who run away from their problems ever hook up with another that does the same? Who would be the WAS then? LOL

I have pondered this as well. The guy she is seeing right now is seperated. In which case I wonder if he left his wife or she left him, or if it was mutual.

Don't know how many divorce mutually, but if she left him then how could he feel good about dating another woman who just left her husband?

If he left his wife, then W is taking a huge chance that if he feels unhappy that he will leave W also.

Always be a father your D can feel comfortable talking to & telling her problems to.

Thanks for the words about fatherhood and the important role a father can play in a daughters life. I strive to make up for the things she doesnt get from her mother ( interaction, warmth)but you ggave me more to consider.

I think I will move on over to Surviving the Big D forum, bc I am in the wrong section now for my sitch. Hope to see you there msm.