still sane (keeping my sanity follow-on)

[PositivelyMommy]

Hi Hope,

Your words, "It makes me angry that she has had nothing happen to her. She has her family, friends, job and my H and goes along merrily along. I just hate her and it disturbed me seeing her."

I know how you feel and I think this negativity ultimately hurts you, not anyone else. Can you find it in your heart to forgive the unforgivable? I am not saying to forget what she has done to you or your family but to follow the steps of of Jesus and try to find compassion in our hearts and turn out the hate. I really feel for you wholeheartedly. You know that. In order to save yourself, I'd like to see you be at peace. Does that make sense?

Your friend is right, God was speaking for you. I KNOW that your H was listening to every word. It HAD to have made an impact. In fact, God has probably answered your prayers because your D15 is finally finding some peace within herself and starting to rebuild her R with her dad. I KNOW you don't want to see her suffer but you know this ultimately is in her best interest. Maybe with rebuilding an R with D15, he may even entertain the idea of rebuilding an R with you?? The pull of the family is very strong, it's is a very good thing that he and D15 are getting along. Remember, DB is anti-intuitive.

Congrats on your big successful project. Don't be too humble and underplay your success. I KNOW you worked hard for it and your worked though all the pain you were suffering. So you DESERVE the kudos! Be proud of what you have achieved. Not many people can do what you do in the most trying of circumstances, Hope. So what if you don't have anyone to share it with? You don't have to prove anything to anyone. You did it for you, so go and celebrate!

[Yoyowife]

((((((Hope))))),
I understand all of the feelings you are experiencing. We are human after all.

I hope your week is going okay.

My DD graduates Thurs. night. I'm dreading the awkwardness. Both sides of the family will be there. Well, actually I'm assuming his side will be there. They really don't have any contact with her.

[hope3343]

Hi just stopping by. Thanks PM and yoyo for always checking on me.
Well a few updates. After H sending D15 numerous texts and calls, D15 told him that she wanted him to back off because she still has not respect for him and he has lost his values. Back to square one.
D15 has met with IC a few more times and the IC is very happy with her progress even with the lack of contact with her father. The important part is that SHE is happy with her decision. IC said she can end therapy and they agreed she is in a good place with her for herself. I am proud of the progress she has made.

Ran into H last week in hallway. Tried to be nice to him but he is up in arms about our finances. Worried that I am hiding money (he took out money from his 401K - I took out money from mine), he is in a panic because he has buried himself financially and now looking towards what we have built all of these years to feed his A. He just moved out of his apt (not that he was ever there) and I think moved in with OW.

Our mediation for next week got postponed. Do not think it will be rescheduled for another 3 weeks to a month.

Have been out a little bit with people from work and they have been very supportive. They all seem to know and that has freed me a bit.

I need to take one day at a time. I still am in that place that I have love in my heart for my husband, not the alien he is right now. I always pray that man will return.

[Yoyowife]

Hi Hope,

Your DD15 is so strong. There are few adults that would have the nerve to stand up to someone like she did.

I'm glad to know she is at a good place right now. I just hope your H doesn't mess that up. I'm sure he can't understand what he has done to make her alienate him.

Hugs to you and I'm glad that you are forming new friendships.

Yoyo

[PositivelyMommy]

Hope, I am glad your DD15 is in a good place right now. It's good that you got the help that she needed.


I think men really get scared when the financial reality of what they have done hits. Not so much with the relationships side. The money, though, that is a different matter altogether. My H is at the same stage.

[hope3343]

checking in to update. Mediation on again for the end of the month and a court date for the end of July. In this state there is no waiting period so it does not take much time to bite the big D.

Have not seen H since the financial blow up. I looked at his financials and he is basically broke. Blew all of the money he took from 401K, racked up his 2 CC to the max and now all he does is complain about lack of money. I think he is in panic mode because he is not going to get what he thought he was "entitled" to .

H talked to to D28 and he said he was tired of everyone telling him he was "depressed". He said he was happy, no one gets it he is happy now. It hurt to hear that but I still praying they will implode at some point. He does not want to hear anyone's lectures (I have no control over what others say to him!)

The plastic pinata wants him but she might not get what she bargained for. When this started a year ago he was a manager - he no longer is; she thought he would get a decent settlement (Our state is community property and it is not good here for D) well then the stock market crashed along with our 401K; no-one would know about the A - everyone knows and has no respect for either and the list goes on.

Our good friends are coming from China this week and staying with me and D15. My H last year stood up for him when he was remarried in the church. Our friend told me he was going to play golf with H. I do not know if H is aware that our friend knows who H is having the A with. I am staying out of it. I pray that God gives our friends the right words.

D15 is still not speaking to H. She has strong values and does stand up for herself. He has lost all this time since October. He has not seen her for one dance, one high school soccer game, hanging out and laughing in the bedroom, EVERYTHING. No pictures, nothing. It is like he is a ghost. And his excuse...she doesn't want to see me.

All these waywards it is the same scripts.

[Yoyowife]

((((((Hope)))))))

Your H is a sad little pathetic man. He is finding that "happiness" comes with price.

How sad that he is losing his daughter. One day he will realize the "treasures" that he lost because of his selfishness. And I'm not talking monetary. He lost the the biggest treasure of all, his family.