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Joined: Jan 2006
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Hey Mach..I have been, actually. It has been nice..today a little cloudy but that's ok.

almostdonebut,

I have been thinking that..I think i just best stay away from him and let him sort it out. I cant be caught up in it again. What do u think??

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I think you are wise beyond what you think....

Time for HIM to move.....

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I think a man doesn't touch you if he doesn't want to. When a person wants done and is in a position to be completely done, like your H is, he sure as heck won't make contact with you AT ALL. This guy is still grabbing you and grabbing you in special spots.

More specifically, your H is living elsewhere. He can go very dark if he wanted to, but doesn't. He has dark spells but always comes popping out. I think it's safe to assume when has a dark spell, he's trapped with OW and wants no drama so goes dark. But I've learned when the OP does that, makes the person go dark, that just makes the H or W A.) resent OP, and B.) makes H or W think of their LBS.....and further more, they wonder why they aren't with their LBS.

I think yes, leave him be. Let him figure it out but try to maybe flutter around in his head....meaning when you see him, be hot smell good. Be nice and supportive, ask how he's doing and really care about the answer. Avoid any more mentions of OW. That's falling apart I think and he's really wondering what the heck he's doing.

As I've been told often lately (and I love it) "You are the prize.....act like it."


M-34/H-35/S-4
Bomb-11-08
OW confirmed 12-08-OW ends 6-09
D finalized 4-10
Stronger=Happy
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I posted this in someone else's thread. I often note how the LBS is often the "parent" figure and the WAS is the naughty child, not wanting to catch it from us.

Stepping out of this role is not easy. I do think the best way around it is minimizing contact and saying as little as possible about their parenting.

But on to the triangle thing. The WAS has tension with us. OP relieves that tension. When we back off, there is nobody for them to blame their problems on any more.

Then slowly but surely, it changes. The triangle becomes one where WAS and OP have problems, and YOU become the way to relieve tension.

This is why any attempt to get them to break up will backfire.

And why, paradoxically, it is that the more you push them, the less likely you will be to see anything.

Kiki, I think you are doing the right things.

DB C told me firm but friendly. She also said "Firefly-like." Bright/gone.

In other words, when you DO see H, be nice. Don't let anger show. Just make a point of not seeing him much.


M: 16 years
Bomb 4/07
OW 20s long gone
Divorced 11/09
I remarried New Guy
Cooperative r w/X regarding D

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I agree. The BEST thing you can do is back off completely right now. Be the relief, look great, be in a great mood. Tell him about great things going on for you, etc.
You are the prize. Act like it.


M-34/H-35/S-4
Bomb-11-08
OW confirmed 12-08-OW ends 6-09
D finalized 4-10
Stronger=Happy
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