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Hey Mach and Val,

It is just something in me, that for some reason, no matter how much I try, I can't keep my poker face for long. And I know where it gets me....H not talking and disappearing for awhile. Tada..it has happened.

I'm getting there. Val, I see you are doing good. What can we do? It is what it is , right?

kikifree #1784047 06/16/09 03:36 PM
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Hi all,
i was just thinking about myself.

Yes, I admit, even through all the years of hell, I still have a place for H in my heart.

So does that make me a weak person? Or anyone who still loves their H. I don't think so. I think it makes me a stronger person.

See, we can stay angry and bitter because of all the horrible things we have gone through. Or we can hurt, forgive and move on. But we always have to be respected. In the beginning, I had no self respect. now, I have learned it is how I let people treat me, is the way I will be treated.

I think it takes a much stronger person to forgive and move on.

We haven't spoken in a week. I am ok with that. Four years ago this month he left. He didn't speak to me for 2 weeks before he left.

I was confused. Today, I am actually happy with who I am.

kikifree #1784050 06/16/09 03:43 PM
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I guess he thinks he is punishing you. Little does he realize he is actually giving you a much-needed reprieve.

I am still boggling over the "I'm 100% supportive of you in front of D." Um, wasn't he the guy who told you to F off, go to hell, etc., etc., in front of her?! These MCLers really are nuts.

It's okay to still love him-- it's not like you can help it anyway.

Andabelle #1784095 06/16/09 04:38 PM
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Hi Andabelle,

How are you? Yes, I like the breaks. Yep, thats him. He is back and forth. 4 years of this...crazy train is almost over hopefully.

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Hi all, Happy 4th.

So, alot has happened. Not positive though and now I feel at a loss again.

WEll, I met OW. I went to drop D8 off Wed, with a friend, and OW was there. She wouldnt come out of her room.We were inside looking at D8's room and she wouldnt come out.

H said it wasn't a good time. It really wasn't a good tme, he repeated.

So we left and the next day he asked for me to drop her off.

So I met OW. It was funny it didn't bother me a bit bur my friend said H was in shock. she was stalking to him and all he could do is stare at me. He had his back towards OW and was just looking at me the whole time.I told him if he wanted to see d8 the 4h he could come by. He said thanks.

So how was it after so long...I think it bothered H more than me. I was polite, she was nervous. She has a nose ring. That threw me off. I was proud of myself. Felt sorry for her.

WEll that was Thursday. H hadn't seen D8 in two weeks. He said he couldn't see her Friday because he had to work.

Yesterday I get this text:


Sorry , I put your check in the mail. I am out of town this week. I didn't tell you because I didn't want to catch hell from you. I will be turning off my phone after this text. I will not be available by phone. I will be back in town next Sunday. Tell d8 I love her. Hope you and D8 have a safe and fun 4th of July. C u next week.

I cried and was so mad. I responded in a not so nice way. I just am tired.

Last edited by kikifree; 07/05/09 02:02 PM.
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Well, today its been over a week since we heard from H and we are doing good. I guess you get used to it after awhile.

I don't get it ..I finally am civil and forgiving(God pushes me too ;0 )and he acts like a nutcase ..oh well.

Of course , I still have love for H. Everyday is a blessing though. WE can hold on to the negative, or move forward with the positive!!

H will be back Sunday...I think I will be at my darkest for a long time!

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Hey Kiki,

Haven't caught up in a while huh ?

I'm not sure that we ever get used to this, we just become numb to the stupid things....Self preservation ?

The power of being positive is much greater than we think though....

Negativity breeds negativity, and OUR lives certainly don't need that now.

Keep moving forward with the knowledge that you have now and things will become bright again....

Don't ever forget that through all of this crap, YOU have become an inspiration to many, but especially, your daughter....

Keep your chin up and a smile on your face darlin.....you are worth it !

Peace to you Kiki....keep your balance

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Thank you so much Mach..It was so nice reading that.
It is so true.

I decided to stay away from anything negative and keep positive. smile

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Originally Posted By: kikifree
Thank you so much Mach..It was so nice reading that.
It is so true.

I decided to stay away from anything negative and keep positive. smile


Welcome...

Are you soakin up some of that FL sun this summer ?

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It sounds to me like he knows OW is temporary and already she's a huge mistake. But he's in too deep now and is probably wondering "how would W ever take me back after all of this?"


M-34/H-35/S-4
Bomb-11-08
OW confirmed 12-08-OW ends 6-09
D finalized 4-10
Stronger=Happy
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