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Joined: Mar 2009
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Spoke to W after work for a about 15-20 mins on phone. Asked her what was going on with D - her answer was she did put it on hold with her lawyer - but it does not mean anything.

I got the usual blame everything on me - and that it is too little too late - answered better late then never. She said she didn't know if she would be able to get over the past - I understood her there - told her that I was not looking for the old R and M that we had that I wanted a great one between us. Then she asked me why all of a sudden am I coming around - told her I was hit in the head by a few 2x4s - she took a few minutes to get it, and that I finally realized that I should stop fighting with her and start to fight for her.


Reminded her that dinner possibly for Thursday was no good - that I was going to start the anger management sessions and asked about maybe Friday night date? She answered I don't know - I'll see maybe if i can find someone to watch S3. Offered to help find sitter - she declined saying that she doesn't want anyone knowing that we are going out or talking. One of the things she said to me over the weekend is that if we do work this out that we can't listen to any of our friends/family about any comments that they make about it.

She just said that she doesn't know if she will be able to get over the past. She asked me what would I do if she told me she kissed some one? I calmly told her there's nothing that I can do. I don't know if she was testing me, or trying to get me angry or just be open and honest with me.
All I could think is what changed between the weekend and today? Now I feel like I am back at square one.

The conversation ended there -


Me 35
W 30
S 3
M 7 : T 13 yrs
Separated 2/20/09
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Just jounralizing a little more - feedback/comments always welcomed

Last night I started with anger management group therapy. W knew I joined - she actually called me before and wished me luck. Thanked her. We spoke after wards, and she was asking me how I liked it, and what I thought about it. It was excellent, very helpful.

This morning, I brought her mini roses, that I had grown in the yard to her job, along with a card, coffee and bagels for everyone that she works with.
I checked with the owner before bringing them in. It was earlier then her usual start time - she wasn't supposed to be there, but she went in earlier today - so much for a surprise. I left the bagels with the guys at the front counter, brought her the rest.
She just acknowledge me by saying that I have to stop doing this to her. I didn't question it, I could tell that she is confused and trying to sort through everything.

The changes that I have made in me and my general attitude about everything, are definitely making me feel better about my self and like I am moving in a positive direction.

I am looking for little signs or baby steps that might indicate that the W may still want our R and M. Its the little things like her calling to wish me luck before therapy that are keep my hope going.


Me 35
W 30
S 3
M 7 : T 13 yrs
Separated 2/20/09
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The last time that my W and I spent some time together and talking was a week ago. Since then there has been a little email communication between us. I called her today about the marriage retreat that she suggested for next Saturday for us. I called to find out if she wanted me to sign us up for it since they called me back about it. I had to ask her first since she was going to try and swap the work day with some one else. Well its a no go - she couldn't find anyone to work for her. frown

Now here's my dilemma - one of the other things she mentioned was for me to book a weekend away in the next couple of weeks. Just the two of us. With us having so little communication at this point would it be a good idea to book it. I spoke to her boss today in the event that I do book it, and we will let her have off the Friday and Monday for the weekend.

I feel like I'm in a bind here - if i book it - she tells me I'm insane that she's not going, or if I don't book it then I get you couldn't even do one of the things that I suggested.

I could use some feedback hear on this. Thanks everyone.


Me 35
W 30
S 3
M 7 : T 13 yrs
Separated 2/20/09
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Spent a little bit of time on the phone last night with W. Confirmed my thoughts that everything she had said about our M and R the end of the last week a mistake on her part. She said that she was feeling over emotional and slipped up.
She told me we can never be back together, because of all the hurt and she can't get past it. Then she told me it doesn't matter how long i wait, how much I change, she just won't move past it. She already in the past told me that she will not see a C for help to get past it.
I asked her about what she had said about a weekend getaway - told me to forget it, the only way she would consider it is if it was something like a Retrouvaille, she said it might help improve the conversation between us.
What conversation I asked her? She doesn't return any calls or call me.

I then tried to talk to her about seeing my S3 more often, and she said why? I told her I want to be a part of his life and spend as much time with him as I can. No answer. And yes I was getting emotional and trying my best to hide it in my voice - I think she knew though.
She ended the talk by saying that she has to go. That this is not as easy for her as I think it is. And that once you make a decision you have to stick to it. I told her that people change there mind all the time and to have a good night.


Me 35
W 30
S 3
M 7 : T 13 yrs
Separated 2/20/09
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W returned my call last night in regards to seeing S3 tonight and spending tomorrow with him. She agreed that it would be OK for him to sleep over and get some extra time with me rather then just tomorrow.
I could here something different in her voice - almost like she was crying or sad - very low soft spoken - I asked her if something was wrong or if she didn't feel good and all she would say is nothing.
Then she tells me she thinks its best that we don't talk at all anymore. Asked her why - she said she had spent the day with her aunt and uncle(someone that I though I could trust as a friend and speak with - guess not) she said that he told her that he feels that she shouldn't speak to me anymore. And to think he promised to me that he would not discuss the W and I with her.
She said that she wants to move on She said last Friday and Saturday that she was just over emotional, and that she felt no love for me at all when she was there that day. I told her I understand that. And again she pressed the issue why am I trying now all instead of in the past when she had wanted me to try. Told her I was just stupid and didn't see things as bad as they where, that it took her leaving for me to realize it.
I'm going to keep doing what I can and work on my changes, pray, and be the best father I can be for S3 and wait and see what happens.


Me 35
W 30
S 3
M 7 : T 13 yrs
Separated 2/20/09
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Journalizing

Had a great day with S3 - spent the day at W's uncles house working on him learning how to swim. Of course W called to see how he was. Later in the afternoon W called to see how he would be when she came to pick him up from home. Told her that at noon already he was saying that he wanted to stay at home and not go sleep at Nana's with mommy. Got a brief lecture - I knew this would happen - that's why I wanted him to sleep over tonight and not last night so that it would be only one night and I would get him from your parents after work. Apologized to her my mistake - thinking not worth the fighting - you're the one that wants me to have him more often - better to just let her win.
We spoke at bed time on the phone, for about 10 minutes - a long time for us lately - spoke about how each others day was, and what we did - her at work and me with S3.
Wished her a good night/sweet dreams, and a great day at work - she wished me the same.

Life is ironic - as I am typing this in she called me up at work - we talked for about 10 minutes - mainly about finances and the mortage payment scheduling - about my friend staying with me at the house until his job transfer goes through at the end of the month. Got questioned about him using the computer and everything else at the house. She mentioned it because she saw him on facebook last few nights - I made the mistake of assuming that she gets to spend alot of time on facebook - tone in her voice changed - and she said oh and you don't? Apologized and said no not really - just occasionally - she said well then don't assume.

She told me she would call me later - At this point I think when I speak with her later I am going to bring up Retrouvaille again, to see where she stands about me signing us up for it, if she is still willing to participate.


Me 35
W 30
S 3
M 7 : T 13 yrs
Separated 2/20/09
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Looks like the ride on the roller coaster is going to get interesting in the next couple of weeks. Today about an hour after my earlier post, I was lucky enough to be one of the few to be let go/laid off from by employer.

I immediately spoke to W - after all we do still have mortgage and bills together. To my surprise she was amazingly supportive, and told me to just come down and take my time to look for new job. Its not like her to be like that, normally she would be you have to hurry and find a new one, but this time the 2 of us seem to be playing opposite rolls. She even suggested that I spend more time with S3 while looking - already told her that I planned to.

Talk about being on the rainy side of life - when it rains on me it seems to pour. Even with this minor set back, I am still going to work on saving my R and M and having my W come home. In a way, I sort of hope that this helps the two of us come closer together - I know its a bad thought - but God and fate has its own plans for us, I'm hoping that this involves the 2 of us being together again.


Me 35
W 30
S 3
M 7 : T 13 yrs
Separated 2/20/09
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And so the fun begins - been out of work for 2 1/2 days now - haven't really looked too much for a job - Think its still setting in - plus I decided to use some of the time to bond with S3 and work on his swimming - and my tan smile

She dropped him off at home this morning around 8am - I made her a cup of coffee and her favorite bagel(onion with butter - nothing fancy). She took it with her to go - she was running late. It felt really good to do something for her instead of myself for a change - best part was I didn't want a thank you or acknowledgment of it - was just happy that she accepted it. On another counter was the literature from Retrouvaille, she picked it up and read through it, but never made any comments about it, guess it could be a positive sign that she didn't throw it out or even say forget it - maybe one day soon we will have a conversation between us where I can bring it up and possibly get her to go.

I know that my W has access to my email account - I never changed password - nothing to hide - unlike her changing her immediately. But she did call and ask if she had my approval to send out resumes on my behalf. No problem, nothing in there go ahead and log in. This was yesterday. Today started my weekend early with S3, she called me in the middle of the afternoon, asked if I had emailed out any jobs, and what I was doing. Told her in her uncles pool with S3, got a quick snappy reply - It must be nice. Not getting defensive in tone I just said, not really the time with him is great, but I would prefer to be working to know that money was coming in to continue paying bills. The call dropped or she hung up not sure.

She did call back later, and said that the circus is in area this weekend. I told her I was aware of that, and she said she had free passes to get in, that she would drop off at house after work. OK thanks. Got home and she was parked outside as if waiting for me to pull up. Now my/our friend is staying at house until his job transfer from NY to Vegas completes. She wouldn't even go in and say hi to him.

She gave me the tickets, I asked her if she wanted to go - got a sarcastic No. Asked her what she had planned for the night - nothing - wished her a good night as she drove off.

Missed a couple of calls from her while waiting on line for circus - called her back - she said Oh I just wanted to make sure that you would be able to get in. Yes, we are at front of the line and its starting to get long - she said enjoy the show and I'll talk to you later. I called her after the show - we started having a good conversation about each others nights and as luck would have it - her cell battery dies - and her charger is at work - great - hopefully we can pick up the conversation where he left off in a good mood after she charges her phone.

At this point in the conversations we have had, I'm not sure of what she wants from us if anything. The few times that it has been brought up she is still looking to get divorce - and she has put the movements on hold with her lawyer, not believing that I can change, but every conversation between us now is usually her trying to make me angry(which doesn't work) or her bringing up the past and not being able to let it go/move past it/ forget about it. I totally understand that - which is the reason for me changing - changing to be the person that I would want somebody to love me for - not the selfish !@#@$@%% that I was. Hopefully someday she will want to rescind the motion and continue to work on us.

Right now I'm am just going to back off a little on job hunting - did get a severance, and focus more on time with S3, myself , and my friend staying has been begging me to do the drive to Vegas with him and stay at his place for a week. I am considering it, but also weighing out the advantages/disadvantages it may have on my R and M with W, Vegas was someplace that she and I had always spoke about to together.


Me 35
W 30
S 3
M 7 : T 13 yrs
Separated 2/20/09
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Joined: May 2009
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Hang in there! Im knew to this too but from what ive seen some friends go through and other threads in here this can be a very long ride for you with as you know no way of knowing the end result. (ive seen several friends make it through though)

At least she sounds like she is fighting wanting to come back. (which in my book is agood sighn) shows she wants to be with you but just is not sure yet.. If I can look at your postings from a thirdparty (again Im doing no better prob worse but the things my wife is going through seems a bit differant) you really seem to be doing every little things she asks for.

she says jump your not even asking how high you just jump. it seems like your changes are getting a responce but I belive you might want to try slightly differant things.. when she gets upset that you call her maybe STOP! I know its hard but Ive done it and my wife calls or texts in someway everyday.. she has to see that you GAL jumping when she says jump is just showing her you are there waiting and ready like a little puppy dog.

now as far as the kiss.. or any past talk... you can try and give this a shot (at your own risk) you can suggest "That is the past and this is now" I think it has to show you have moved on from the bad things that happened and this is the new you who has a understanding and a LIFE

well again take what I say as only suggestions. nothing more than something to think about

Last edited by wifeleft2009; 07/19/09 02:36 PM.

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Thank You WL2009 -
I never looked at it like "a little puppy dog". I thought I was doing OK at GAL. Been hanging out with some of my old friends, going out. Taking S3 out when he is with me and playing with him, really starting to swim excellent.

I've been convinced(flying home at his expense) by my friend to go to Vegas with him for almost 2 weeks, leaving in 2 days - should be a fun time - and maybe just what I need right now.
I'm going to do my best not to contact her at all while I am away.

I never thought about it from the point of view that she is fighting to come back as a good sign, about her being unsure of herself. I feel like I miss out on little signs like that - really need to learn how to see without tunnel vision.


Me 35
W 30
S 3
M 7 : T 13 yrs
Separated 2/20/09
My Story
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