March 14th is official "steak and a blow job" day, as proclaimed by men everywhere, in response to Valentine's day being just focused on the women, men wanted their own special day, too.
I'm taking mine to Benihana's (they have excellent steak) and then for his special treat back home.
Just wanted to remind everyone!
If you're a guy and you don't think your wife knows about March 14th, I think if you do a search on the internet you may find some kind of article or something about it you could forward to her. And hey, if you are normally rejected for sex anyway, then what can it hurt to risk asking this time, eh? You might get lucky! Especially if you ask in a pirate voice.
Thanks for the heads up (pun intended) sounds like a fun way to get things started. Tomorrow we will be too busy so I think I will put this into my plan of action tonight.
Shelby
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
Well, as predicted when I suggested SBJ Day to Mrs. Cinco she tole me I had already gotten *that* for the week.
I did bring it up in a playful way. It's just more proof of just how far apart our attitudes about sex really are.
On a different note... on SNL there was a joke commercial about SuppressSex. A pill guys can take to keep from having erections. They showed a chart with a red high heel stiletto pump at one end and a Crock at the other. This was showing how the pill takes the guy from *Hot* to *Cold*. Then Mrs. Cinco made the comment about wishing that the pill was real so she could give it to me.
To myself I thought... Just wear the ugly shoes and dress in saggy baggy stuff, that will do the trick.
Oh, Cinco. Reading this makes me sad. I'm so sorry.
Have you ever wished for a pill to take your drive away? I have many times because I had nowhere to go with it. Any drive we might have is a blessing. To wish it away is disrespectful.
Ever see "Chocolat"? Chocolate-covered espresso beans were the magical remedy to LD. If only it were that easy.
Have you ever wished for a pill to take your drive away?
No, I would never wish to take my sex drive away.
We had a discussion here ages ago about this very thing. My answer then was if my drive ever went to zero "just shoot me". Taking it away intentionally? Why would I do that?
Well, as predicted when I suggested SBJ Day to Mrs. Cinco she tole me I had already gotten *that* for the week. *snip* I did bring it up in a playful way. It's just more proof of just how far apart our attitudes about sex really are.
Mrs. SF promised me a bj for my birthday in January. I'd be upset if I had actually believed her. I would occasionally remind her in a playful way. She always had an excuse for why it should be next week or the week after. The excuses became entertainment in and of themselves. Unlike Charlie Brown (the one in peanuts, not this board), I know that Lucy isn't going to hold the ball.
Originally Posted By: Cinco
Then Mrs. Cinco made the comment about wishing that the pill was real so she could give it to me.
My wife discussed chemical castration with me several times. BUT WE HAVE ALL OUR KIDS.... Only recently did I realize how disrespectful that was.
Originally Posted By: Cinco
To myself I thought... Just wear the ugly shoes and dress in saggy baggy stuff, that will do the trick.
With ya buddy. "And could you sigh real big, put on face cream and curlers for ML?"
Same here spin free - thought there was a chance for my birthday. Nope - shouldn't have gotten any hopes up.
Cinco - your post makes me think maybe you have gotten that recently. If so count me as jealous. It has been over a year for me and I think there is a real chance I'll never get another as long as I'm with my wife. My wife could care less about what I want or like.
Cinco said: We had a discussion here ages ago about this very thing. My answer then was if my drive ever went to zero "just shoot me". Taking it away intentionally? Why would I do that?
You would do that so that you could stay in your marriage, remain faithful, and erase the anguish. It's not a realistic thought, just a desperate one. None of us would really do it if we were given the choice. Of course.
This topic got me thinking about the remarkable progression that oral sex (for me, by my wife) has taken over the course of our SSM recovery for the last 1.5 years. If there is a take-home lesson here, it is that:
(1) your wife has to begin to discover and explore her own sexuality again, or perhaps for the first time, and then
(2) she has to trust you and feel intimate enough with you to share her discoveries with you -- and not just keep them to herself.
BOTH steps are hard for a woman, especially an overworked / overwhelmed Mommy, to do. Many woman have had the Nice Girl's Don't mentality drilled into them so that if they DO start to explore their own sexuality, they may initially be appalled at what they find really turns them on. They have a hard enough time admitting it to themselves, much less sharing it with you. It takes deliberate work on both of your parts, time, trust building, and honest discussion / sexual experimentation. You have to both be willing to try new things, and if they don't work, laugh about it and move on.
For example:
For most of our 20 year SSM, BJ's were only an occasional 'rare treat' for me, done grudgingly for only a short amount of time, and never to orgasm. If queried, my wife would say that she just "didn't really like doing it," so I rarely put in the request -- and it became just one more thing that I resented about our infrequent and Ho-Hum sex life. Sounds pretty familiar to you guys, right?
HOWEVER, with the deliberate effort on both of our parts to fix our broken marriage, repair our sexual relationship, and to achieve and maintain a high degree of intimacy between us, oral sex (for me) has undergone a complete revolution. The change has occurred in small steps, beginning with my taking a much more dominant role in the bedroom, as I've discusses at length in my threads. In this area, if I wanted oral sex, then I needed to direct the action in that direction, *not* ask for it, but essentially 'demand' it.
Further into our recovery, we were listening together to an audio recording of John Gray's "Mars and Venus in the Bedroom," and John was advising men that during oral sex (for them) that most women hate having the man take the woman by the head or hair and direct the action, that we should be 'hands off' and let her 'be in control.' My wife stopped the recording and told me that at least in her case, John had it completely wrong [hint, hint]. Later in the recording, John mentioned 'swallowing' as a some-do and some-don't situation, and my wife only shrugged. We hadn't tried *that* for many years, and she honestly didn't know how she'd lean (it made her gag 22 years ago, and that was the last time). However, her indirect hint was again, that if that is what I wanted to do, then --> I <-- had to take control and demand it: she wasn't going to volunteer it. We tried out both of these hints, and she liked it, to both of our surprise.
Further along still, as the months went by, it became apparent to both of us that what *really* aroused her is when I took full control of the oral sex and really put some passion into it. The common term for it is Face F'ing or Throat F'ing --> demanded, forced, and a little 'rough.' It's important to note, however, that this requires a very high level of TRUST on her part: I am expected to never get TOO carried away (she is turned on not just by my passion and dominance, but also by my self-control in that state), and I constantly monitor her breathing and gag response, and regulate the action accordingly. It's also not something that we do all the time (over-indulgence would be a turn-off, as the act does push her endurance limits), and there are less forceful, more woman-in-charge times, as well: the variety keeps it fresh.
My point is: don't second-guess your wife, with regard to what she may or may not ultimately enjoy in a healthy sexual relationship. If your current relationship is strained, and if you wife has lost touch with her own "inner-Diva" and sexual-self, then you both may be surprised at where the road to SMM recovery leads. Obviously, your mileage may vary, and your wife might fit John Gray's advice perfectly (but she may turn out to be a wildcat is some other area that my own wife is not). For example, my wife has never been a fan of oral sex for HER, and we are *only now* at the stage were I am permitted to try it...for short periods of time. But I dearly want to return the favor for what she does for me, so I'm working on it. Every woman is different, sexually, so as I said in the beginning: (1) get her to discovery HERSELF first, then (2) get her to share (or at least hint regularly) at what she finds. You might be pleasantly surprised at what happens.
-- Bagheera
Me 50, W 45, M for 26 yrs S25, D23, S13, S10 20+ year SSM; recovery began Oct 2007
(1) your wife has to begin to discover and explore her own sexuality again, or perhaps for the first time, and then...
Baggy, man this is where she/we is/are stuck... this is the woman that wants me to forget my own sexuality for gosh sakes. She wants me to take the damn SupressSex pill! Even if only jokingly.
I DO get bj's and that's exactly what they are from her... a job, a chore. I don't think she really enjoys giving me this pleasure but she WILL do it and IS good at it. (I know I'm killing all of the guys on here saying to themselves, "What the hell is wrong with you Cinco? You've got it pretty good, quit complaining.)
As far my returning the favor. I enjoy doing this, I want to do this, it's a turn on for me, I can't imagine ML without it, and for Mrs. Cinco it results in the vast majority of her O's.
So what's the problem?
My complaint is that she does not WANT sex for herself, doesn't enjoy it any longer. She only obliges me for the sake of keeping me around. I've been at this almost a year now and still can't get this point through to her. Her wanting *it* and me is what I truly want.... She still just wishes I would lose my desire for sex altogether.
I want mutual desire between us.... she wants a platonic roommate that pays the bills.
I'm stumped as to how I get her to find the joy in sex, especially when I don't think she wants to find it.
