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Yoyowife #1771118 05/21/09 01:57 AM
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Happy graduation!!! My dtr's is tomorrow night, too. We are meeting at a restaurant (her dad, his gf, aunt,uncle, and me!) after graduation. Figured a neutral place was best since it's the first time we'll be public together! I'll be ready for several slushy decicious beverages by your pool after that! Can you open your pool a bit earlier for me???

Mattie

Matilda2 #1771312 05/21/09 01:54 PM
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Mattie,
Congratulations to your DD. You might need to drink a couple of those slushy delicious beverages at the restaurant tonight! Then head south and we'll have some beverages together!!!!

Update...Ugggghhhhhhh!!!! Sorry this is so long.

So, just when I thought H couldn't be more of an a$$, he tops himself. Yesterday, I asked DD if she had heard from her dad as far as graduation plans go. She said she had not. About 10:30 last night she walks in the living room crying and saying "Dad is such an a$$hole. I called him to see what his plans were for my graduation". He told her had a meeting in another city at 3:00. This city is about 45 miles away. She reminded him that graduation starts at 6:00. Honestly, I'm wondering if he will be able to make it. Let's say the meeting gets out at 4:00, then he has to drive back, get to the convention center which is about an extra 15 minutes from our little suburb, find parking, most everyone gets there by 5:30 at the latest to get a seat so they can see their grad so parking will be difficult. I honestly don't know how he will make it. I think I would have had to bow of the meeting telling them that my DD was graduating, but apparently business comes first to him.

During their conversation H asked DD if she had mailed everyone a grad invitation on the list he gave her last Thurs. She told him that she had already mailed 4 of the 6 before he got the list to her. She told him that she didn't know the other people who happened to live 3,000 miles away from us and she would feel weird sending them an invitation so late. He started griping at her saying that they wanted to send her something. He told her that she had plenty of time to have sent them of course adding some "adjectives" in there that he refers to as construction language.

I went over and hugged her and told her not to worry about it. I told her it was her night and I wanted her to enjoy it. She started crying harder and said, "I guess my graduation isn't important." I said, "You know that is not true". Then DD20 told her,"I don't even know why you let him upset you". The girls then ended up getting in an argument. DD20 ended up leaving upset. So hopefully, she'll get over it enough to go to DD17's grad. Wow, and who says that separations and divorces don't affect the children?

I asked him well over a month ago to get me a list of his relatives and friends he wanted to send invitations to. The night DD was doing them she called and asked him for addresses for his sister who has recently moved and his aunt who had also moved. I had the addresses of one of the other two aunts. He had to call his mother and get the addresses. He called back and gave them to me. At this time nothing was brought up about the relatives who lived so far off. Then just last Thurs. DD20 brings his list over Thurs. night with 6 addresses of relatives in his mother's handwriting. As I said we had already sent invitations to 4 of the 6. Honestly, I thought it might be a little rude to send an invitation out a week before the ceremony to someone who I'm not sure if they had ever even laid eyes on DD. I wasn't even sure if they would get it before the ceremony.

My life is a soap opera and I'm ready to switch channels!!!!




Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are.
-- Bernice Johnson Reagon


Yoyowife #1771320 05/21/09 02:17 PM
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Ok, I am officially handing you the remote! Feel free to change the channel at anytime, just don't keep flipping or I will get a headache!lol

Congrats on the graduation tonight. kat


Me-53(and learning!)
S24, S21, D18, D17
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
kat727 #1772471 05/23/09 11:20 PM
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Yoyo, I hope your H made it to graduation... Either way I hope it was a glorious celebration!!! Now both our dtrs have a new adventure! Congrats and I hope you have a chance to relax; take time for YOYO!!!

Matilda2 #1774996 05/29/09 12:36 PM
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Yoyo

How did graduation go. Hope that it was a memorable time for DD and you and a good memory at that.
Hope Matilda's DD's went well for them too.( have to post here since Mat doesn't have a thread I can find.

How is life treating you in general? Summer is coming!!!!

JAK


You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
JAK58 #1775266 05/30/09 02:10 AM
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Thinking of you, dear Yoyo. I hope everything is well with you and your DD's.


Me: 49
WAW: 47
S11, S7
Years Married/Together: 17/18
Bomb: 6/15/07
Separation: 7/6/07
D: 4/3/09

Real love is a decision.
Marriage is a commitment.
NoCodeBlues #1775587 05/30/09 11:54 PM
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Hi Yoyo, stopping by the playhouse. Have not checked in too much but think of you all.
I will be updating my sitch also. Hope DD graduation rocked in spite of all the drama...
Prayers with you.


Me 53
H 50
D16, D29
M 22 years
bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H
8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also
bomb II - H moves 10/1
expose ow 10/22
D to be final 9-09
hope3343 #1775972 06/01/09 03:27 AM
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Hi Dear Friends,
Thanks for checking in on me. I'm doing fine. DD is now a HS graduate and 18 years old now.

My dad and stepmother came from out of state to her graduation. I took off of work that day and they got here early enough for us to go to lunch, do errands, and do a few things around the house for me.

H did make it to the graduation along with his family. They met up with us after the graduation ceremony. I was nice and took photos of them with DD. I also invited them to the graduation dinner, but my FIL wasn't feeling well. H brought them so he did not come to the dinner either.

The dinner turned out nice. We had good food and many laughs. The waitress even surprised the graduate with a cake! We didn't have the dreaded "pink elephant" in the room, so it was much more comfortable, but hey I asked.

DD left the next day for her senior trip in FL. She had a wonderful time. She was glad to get home though and I was glad for her to get home.

An update on my sitch. After 2 1/2 years I give up. I plan on trying to find time to call my attorney and make an appointment to file again. I have workshops I have to attend for school so it's going to be hard to find time. H filed in 2007, but dismissed it in 2008.

I'm tired of walking on eggshells. He still sees my faults and also finds fault with the girls. He has hurt their feelings several times too. He still doesn't see the damage he has done to our family.

Last night we talked and he told me we had been apart too long and he just didn't have any feelings left. He thought that if we had been able to get to back together sooner it might have worked. I told him, "we tried, but you were never willing to give her up". We had several near reconciliations, but after a few days, he "just couldn't do it." I never raised my voice. I just told him that we needed closure. He said then, "I think we need to divorce." I told him I agreed and said, "It will be the best for both of us." He then started smarting off. I told him I was trying to have an adult conversation and asked him why he had to be so rude. For instance, I asked him when he was going to file again and if he was using the same attorney he used previously. To which he replied very sarcastically, "I'll file when I find time and why do you want to know who my attorney is, do you want to use him now?" Which I calmly told him, "No, I was just asking a question." I also told him that if he was still with her don't expect the girls to ever like her because she will always be the woman who contributed to the breakup of their family. He then said "they will have to get over it." I said, "There you go again, it's always about you." He then became very angry. I've seen that look before and it's not good. I then left.

I talked to one of my dear friends briefly today. She was on a boat and we didn't talk long. She did however tell me the craziest thing. Our H's are business associates and friends. It was just last summer that I met them. In the meantime the wife and I have become very good friends. My H cannot stand it, he had the nerve to tell her H "As long as Yoyo and your wife are friends, I can't be friends with you." Oh my goodness how childish of him. My friend asked her H what he thought of that and he said he thought it was ridiculous, that he wasn't going to tell her who she could be friends with. Just a little background my H took the OW around them before they met me. My friend said, "I didn't even know anything about your situation, but I didn't like her at all. She is very goofy and trashy. Once your H introduced you to me, I made my choice and it was that she (OW) was never to come to my house." So I guess my H knows blames me for that. It appears that he thinks the H will forbid his wife to be friends with me and then he can take OW around again. As usual everything is my fault. I heard that MLC is alot like the spoiled teenage years, boy does that fit him to T!

I've always been told you will know when it's time to let go. Believe me the time is here. Actually, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I will no longer try to please him. I will please only me! I'm sure the divorce will not be pleasant, but at least hopefully the end will be in sight soon.




Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are.
-- Bernice Johnson Reagon


Yoyowife #1775989 06/01/09 04:02 AM
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Wow, Yoyo. You sound so different. You are accepting of the situation in a way I've never heard from you before. Maybe you were just waiting for your daughter to finish high school. I still think he's in for a big surprise when he sees what divorce means to him financially. You keep taking care of yourself.

Sara #1775993 06/01/09 04:20 AM
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Sara,
Yes, I do feel differently. I think for so long I always had glimmer of hope. Now, that glimmer has dimmed I think I am truly letting myself see the real him. I think a lot of it stems from the past 6 months. I've seen his "ugly" side so many time not only directed at me, but the girls. When he made DD18 cry the night before graduation, it really made me mad. My girls deserve so much more. Yes, I know I do also, but what kind of mother can I be as long as I "allow" him to do these things?

Of course he still has riduculous thoughts about the settlement. That's where it will get bad, but I have to put my faith in my attorney. She came highly recommended, so I have to believe she will look out for my best interest.

By the way I was waiting for DD to graduate. I wanted her to enjoy her time.




Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are.
-- Bernice Johnson Reagon


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