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Right, I know I'm all over the place. Just confided in my brother. He was great. reckons that i sound too angry to issue ultimatum right now and that I need to do when I'm not angry because it may come back to bite me.

He said ignore H, text him tomorrow and say sorry somethings come up and then start preparing for a possible divorce.

Right, I'm going to expose affair too.

I think she will love living with H, her old boss, money, he doesn't like kids though.

I know I'm all over the place, going to get my act together very soon.

Had you left your Husband Polly, see I chucked him out. Silly girl but I just couldn't deal with it at the time


H 36 2nd marriage
me 32 1st marriage
no kids

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Hi regrets - No once my a was snapped H left and came back, left and came back , left and came back. I wanted to work on M immediately. Lots of C later , H left for good with the help of another woman.......

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I'm sorry x


H 36 2nd marriage
me 32 1st marriage
no kids

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Regrets,

How are things?


Saffie
me 46
H 46
M in 1986
D20,D18,S16,D13
H's A 01/05 to 07/06
H recommitted to M 07/06
renewed vows 09/06
Going from strength to strength
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Hi Saffie. i'm a bit all over the place.

Went out last night and had great time, saw one of his friends and didn't bother me, just said hello and carried on with my friends.

I'm down today, I'm tired and sick of being miserable. I keep trying to block negative thoughts, really bad thoughts, wondering what he is saying and so on.

I'm going back tomorrow and dreading it, I think I need a break from him totally, I'm not going to see him on Tuesday, he will think I'm playing games but I don't care. If I see him Tuesday and he finishes it, I'll forever feel I pressured him.

I'm not going to allow him to manipulate me, if I need money, I'll text him or leave a note, I kept thinking as he always called his ex a money grabber, that I would show I can handle my own finances, well stuff him.

He can tell whomever he wants whatever he wants, I know the truth and one day he will realise it too.

Wish I knew how long the pain would last.

I said to someone how I would get over it faster if he was abusive both verbally and emotionally, kept me short of money or just grinded me down but he wasn't. He was a wonderful Husband and I adored him. I don't want to regret losing him the rest of my life. I suppose that husband is in the past and it will never go back to being like that. I hope with all my heart that we can move on but I really don't know how to reach him.

I need to concentrate on me right now, if I see him anytime soon, I'll end up frustrated and angry.

I wish I knew when the pain would go away.

thank you for asking after me.


H 36 2nd marriage
me 32 1st marriage
no kids

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meant back to work tomorrow


H 36 2nd marriage
me 32 1st marriage
no kids

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I also keep thinking how I maybe shouldn't have put him out but it was right at the time, my mental health was in danger and it was torture knowing that all along he knew and wouldn't admit it.

Maybe it is EMLC or just pure selfishness but what he did to me in those weeks, what he witnessed me doing to myself is beyond mental cruelty it was wicked beyond belief.

I know I have to take responsibility for my own actions and feeling but I don't know, there were a thousand other ways he could have informed me and he choose to continue texting her in front of me. My self respect and esteem have taken an extreme beating and I know need to work on that before I even think about what I want.

I now no longer believe in true love and maybe I was immature believing it in the first place. Got a lot of soul searching to do and what I don't need while I'm doing it is more hassle and [censored] from him, or more lies so the best way not to get his lies is not to ask the questions. For the time being anyway.

Hopefully I will just shut right down and never ever allow myself to get to a stage like this ever again.


H 36 2nd marriage
me 32 1st marriage
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Meds help dull and give you a breather for a while.

I also am tired. I want in or out now. This limbo s$%^ is exhausting

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it is isn't it.God I have work tomorrow I#ll never get up at half five in the morning, mind you I haven't been getting to sleep til then.


H 36 2nd marriage
me 32 1st marriage
no kids

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Regrets--

I hope you got some sleep. You sound a little better this week. I know you have anger and I know you cannot make any sense out of this at all right now. But I will tell you that you have to STOP looking at this as what he has done to you. That train of thought will bring you nothing but misery and anguish. You have to say this is what he did and this is how I REACTED. The first step is healing, and right now all you can heal is yourself, is to change your reactions. I told someone else, it may have been on here but I don't think so, that if I held all of his actions against him, then I would have to believe that my H INTENTIONALLY meant to hurt me. When someone intentionally hurts you, then they are not the good person you thought they were. I have been with this man since I was 17, so 19 years. Although there have been many things that hurt, I can't believe that MY judgement is so skewed as to have stayed with someone for that long who is not essentially a good person. That would just be self-abusive.

Were my reactions wrong? No but they were not good for me and although some good has come out of it (I lost 40 pounds, I have found confidence again) there came a point when I told myself that I was not taking good care of myself and I needed to. WHO in their right mind would ever want to spend time with someone who was starving themselves, had huge black circles under their eyes from lack of sleep, had puffy eyes from crying, who couldn't even smile? I didn't even want to spend time with myself. LOL. It takes a lot to get yourself out of the rut that you get into becuase of the shock of the situation. But it is necessary. Once you start feeling better and taking care of yourself, you will begin to be able to really SEE the situation and make decisions that will move you forward. It is not an easy process. The rug was snatched from under your feet. But you will get up, you will dust yourself off, and you will be ok if you choose to take responsibility for you.


If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
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