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God bless your state!!!

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Originally Posted By: Puppy Dog Tails
God bless your state!!!


^^^

Somehow my state allows "no fault" divorces, but not "no fault" traffic accidents. Someone is getting a ticket in a fender bender.

/crazy


H: 38
W: 36
S: 8
S: 5
M: 16
Bomb: 8/25/08
OM: 9/21/08
EA (Possible PA) with co-worker since 5/08 (at least...)
Sep: 9/21/08
D Filed 9/23/08
My Situation
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It appears you don't have children?

My personal suggestion... don't EVER have kids with this woman.



There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
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I think that's my biggest question, running. Could I ever trust my W to raise my children the way I want them to be raised?

Right now she's so fogged out and selfish that I thank the Lord everyday that we hadn't had kids yet. That's a question that my IC asked me very early on. He said "Would you really trust your W to raise your children?" At the time, I said that I didn't know. That was a couple weeks after she moved out.

Right now, if he asked again, I'd say no way. As long as she's in the state she's in, I don't trust her one bit. I don't even trust her as my W, let alone the mother of my children.

Which is why I'm now debating whether or not to end this whole thing and move on. I still would rather have her come back and try to reconcile so that I could walk away without any regrets if things don't work out. I'm no quitter, and I always give it everything I have until I move on. But in this case I can only do so much.

As I've said before, I deserve better than this. We all do. My W treats me like a stranger, or worse, like an enemy. When really she's her own worst enemy. I'm just the scapegoat.


Me: 33
WAW/MLC: 33
M: 4+, T: 10+
Separated: Nov 08
A#1: Oct 08 - Jan 09 (exposed and ended)
A#2: Feb 09 - ?
1: http://tinyurl.com/mrmistakes
2: http://tinyurl.com/ckch9t
3: http://tinyurl.com/stillwaters3
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Hey Still,

I haven't heard from you in a day or two, so I came over to read your thread. I want you to know that I admire the way you have handled yourself. I have children, and to the best of my knowledge, my wife has not had an affair.

I'll be honest, if I did not have children, and my wife had had an affair, I would be saying "to hell with you!" I'd be sitting in a lawyers office right now trying to figure out just how badly I could hurt her in the divorce.

The fact that you have not done this yet means that you have a tremendous amount of character. I also figure that it also probably means you're a man who trusts God, but I'm not trying to make any assumptions; also, I digress.

I hope these words have been some encouragement. Hang in there, stay dark, work on you; you know what to do better than I. We reniassance men have to stick together.

I never have my DB book with me when I'm at my computer. I keep running into abbreviations that I can't match in my head. What's GAL? Someone please let me know.

Take care, and give me a shout when you have time.


Me: 39
Wife: 41
Boys: 8 & 5
WAW: 02/11/2009
She Filed For D: 03/26/2009 - Yeah it was that quick!
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GAL stands for "getting a life".


Me - 45
D - 19
D - 17
S - 14
S - 13



Final - 1/15
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SW,
I'm still following your story because it's still close to my own. I admire you for sticking it out with your wife. On the same token, you are young - don't allow the best years of your life to pass you by while waiting for this crazy woman to stop being crazy. Do what feels right to you, but don't stay in limbo longer than you need to, It's my only advice.

Take care, brother,
-ECJ

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Thanks ECJay and Uncool. It has taken an enormous amount of strength (and prayers) for me to stick it out like I have. Even my W's sisters have told me that I don't deserve this and should pack it in. But I'm still here, standing strong for my marriage. I will always look back on the months before the bomb with regret that I wasn't able to see the warning signs. But I am determined to never have to do the same for the months following the bomb. When the s&*t hit the fan, I stood and fought.

But I won't fight forever. Right now I have a July 4th deadline in my mind. If my W doesn't commit to working on our R by then, I will file. Depending on how things go, that date might move up. But that's what I'm working with now.


Me: 33
WAW/MLC: 33
M: 4+, T: 10+
Separated: Nov 08
A#1: Oct 08 - Jan 09 (exposed and ended)
A#2: Feb 09 - ?
1: http://tinyurl.com/mrmistakes
2: http://tinyurl.com/ckch9t
3: http://tinyurl.com/stillwaters3
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Originally Posted By: Uncool Cat
I'll be honest, if I did not have children, and my wife had had an affair, I would be saying "to hell with you!" I'd be sitting in a lawyers office right now trying to figure out just how badly I could hurt her in the divorce.


Me too! But I know it's difficult. I think there are a lot of strong emotions controlling our choices. For one, most of us do really love our spouses and, number two, it's really hard on the ego to be "left." I think there's some strong emotions that we want to redeem the situation to prove our own personal worthiness (ego). It's much easier to leave, then be left. That's why some marriages split up after reconcilation and the LBS becomes the WAS.


There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
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Originally Posted By: runningoutoftime
Originally Posted By: Uncool Cat
I'll be honest, if I did not have children, and my wife had had an affair, I would be saying "to hell with you!" I'd be sitting in a lawyers office right now trying to figure out just how badly I could hurt her in the divorce.


Me too! But I know it's difficult. I think there are a lot of strong emotions controlling our choices. For one, most of us do really love our spouses and, number two, it's really hard on the ego to be "left." I think there's some strong emotions that we want to redeem the situation to prove our own personal worthiness (ego). It's much easier to leave, then be left. That's why some marriages split up after reconcilation and the LBS becomes the WAS.


I think that's a really interesting point. I think you're right.

Puppy

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