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muah! horay for you in school, just went back myself smile


Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2

30something
2kids
survivor of S, MLC, A, D
I have peace in my heart, at last.
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I haven't posted on my thread in awhile. Just saw your post Cat .... thanks, and awesome that you've gone back to school. I just love it. Sure keeps my poor, battered brain active. What classes are you taking?

As for my M ... no changes really. Still trying to get him to work with me as a team re finances. He always gets defensive, but he is improving with his responses. I'm not sure if I love him anymore, in that romantic, breathless way that I used to ... you know, like when I couldn't wait for him to come home from work. I am still glad when he returns from a trip, but it's pretty bland, no excitement. But, I do love him and care about him as a very dear friend and family member. I think he's starting to notice when I didn't go with to pick him up from the airport ... S22 did so. I was studying, and didn't see the point in two people going. That would never have happened previously.

I am so glad that I am allowed to drive now. One never realizes how much it is a privilege until it's taken away.

So, this is where I stand. Trying to get fit, lose weight, last child graduating this year, have the whole summer of thinking to do, reading, writing, have another MRI to get through and praying the tumour is still gone, etc.

An optimist is the human personification of spring. - Susan J. Bissonette, and spring is here, and I am trying to be optimistic about life because I love it, love learning new things, experiencing adventures, etc. Still wish it could've been different where my M is concerned, but not much more I can do about it.

Take care y'all.


Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed.
D35,S/D twins28,D22
EA4/04 End? Who knows?
"Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
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I need some advice! Lately, H has been dismissive, impatient and sometimes sharp in responses with me in conversation or when I ask him something. He has no interest in my life, what I am doing, etc. He has been doing this in front of friends now. I, of course, suspect he has OW. I am tired of it all. Of waiting for him to come around .... it's been 5 years of no change despite the fact that he said things would be better if we came here. I have wasted valuable time on someone who just doesn't care. I could've been doing something else, living a more authentic life without wishing things were different with him. Well, it's done now ... can't bring all that time back. I have to move forward, and I feel it is the right time now, to end this marriage. It's not a real marriage, anyway.

I'm not sure how to proceed. should I email him and lay it out. Or, should I wait until we have a chance to talk? In an email I can think about what I want to say, rather than blustering my way through conversation about the end of our M.


Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed.
D35,S/D twins28,D22
EA4/04 End? Who knows?
"Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
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This is what I want to say:

"Dear H, five years ago, you begged me to stay your wife and said coming to this place would be a fresh start. You promised it would all be okay in our M, and that you loved me and wanted us to stay together as a family. You did all you could to get here, then once we were here, you backed off on any promises you made. I have waited patiently for you to be the man I hoped you could be. But, for me, you are not anymore. Maybe for another woman, you might start over and be that man, but I suspect things will start out well, and it will end up just like us because you refuse to change for anyone or even meet one halfway or discuss issues and problems. For me, you are no longer that team player and partner you once were.

So, what to do? I am no longer happy in this M. I haven't been in a very long time. Having the tumour made me initially not want to make any changes, but now when I think of all the wasted years, it makes me want to leave this miserable M and see what life I can make without you, emotionally. Financially and as parents we will always be tied, and I will try my best to lessen the first as much as possible once (I so hope) I get my new career going. You did promise to pay for my classes, but I won't hold you to that. I will try and pay for them out of alimony money. All of that side of the end of our M will have to be discussed and organised. But, I do not expect to leave a pauper, and do expect your children to still have an involved father. If there is another woman, I hope she doesn't take you away from the kids and grandkids. But, that will be up to you.

I am sorry it has come to this. I loved you passionately during our 24 year marriage, but now I just feel sad that I don't love you at all. I care about you as the father of our children, and as a dear friend that I hope we can become eventually. Too many lies and wasted opportunities to set things right, has left me untrusting, and suspicious. And that has killed the love I had. I regret it, but I doubt I can change it, nor if I want to. I just now want the opportunity to live a happy life with what time I have left, and I am hoping for many more years.

So, H, I wish you well. I wish you happiness and I think you will find it if you do some thinking and changing. You cannot live life always hiding from the people you say you love. I am sure none of this is a shock to you. I doubt you love me particularly .... I hope you care about me too .... but I have felt the lack of love and romance and it hurt, but it doesn't anymore. Twenty four years is a long time being together as a couple, so let's end it with dignity, showing the children how it can be done.

Your wife, BM"


Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed.
D35,S/D twins28,D22
EA4/04 End? Who knows?
"Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
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I think I will move my thread to "I'm thinking about leaving".


Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed.
D35,S/D twins28,D22
EA4/04 End? Who knows?
"Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
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... or MLC where there is more traffic. I really feel I need some help here, and you guys have been really awesome with other people.


Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed.
D35,S/D twins28,D22
EA4/04 End? Who knows?
"Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
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wow BM, this makes me sad to see. I have fear myself sometimes that I will be wasting my time as well in my marriage and I will fall out of love with my H. After waiting over 3 years for him to come out of the fog.

Have you sat down recently and discussed how unhappy you are with him?


Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10
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Over the last 5 years, I have approached him on a yearly basis to let him know that I am not happy. But, it doesn't change. We don't ML or have fun. I think he's putting on a mask for the children. He doesn't want them to think he's a failure. I don't know anymore. All I know is that he made promises that were unkept, he is a total hypocrite because my D22's bf lies, and yet her father is the biggest one of all. I sit there while he spews his self-righteousness about the bf, and he doesn't realise that he may be more passive, but he is a worse partner than he.

I just don't love him anymore, and I think I can't stand being married to him one more year.


Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed.
D35,S/D twins28,D22
EA4/04 End? Who knows?
"Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
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Haven't been here in awhile BeingMe...sorry I haven't stopped by earlier. Have you given him the letter?


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Sorry, late to the party too. How did the letter go over? It is quite interesting that he can't see how much he is just like the D22's BF. I'll check back and put in my 2 cents worth.

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