Oh... Your parameters will begin to tighten quite quickly! There are a TON of people out there to meet and many, many, many of them are someone else's WAW and they are spewing the type of character flaws that we have worked so hard to distance ourselves from. I've been given the advice to "make a list" of the qualities I am looking for on more than one occasion. While I don't know that I'm the type of organized person that would actually do something like that, the idea has a ton of merit. Both guys even insisted that they shared their "list" with some of their potentials to make sure they would "buy off" on the items. Again, I can't see myself doing that.
However, I do have a mental checklist of things that I look for, positive and negative items.
- Someone who can deal with the fact that I am a DEDICATED father of four kids - Physical appearance (yeah, I'm shallow) - No drama - Positive person - Someone who doesn't have to be center of attention - Someone who doesn't display obvious relationship problems *** (see below) - Someone who has children - Someone who doesn't want any more children - Someone who doesn't have a problem communicating (there are various ways to communicate effectively, they need to have one)
And it goes on a bit, but you should get the idea. You might as well start thinking about things like this yourself. Initially they don't mean all that much as you will probably just be in "practice" mode and will want to keep things casual. But at some point you'll be ready to move beyond that and will not want to waste time any longer on people who have no potential for a longer term relationship.
*** I swear, I've met people who have current restraining orders against boyfriends, boyfriends who still live with them, etc, etc.
- Had no idea on how to express my intentions and expecations
I want everything involved in a relationship without the relationship.
Originally Posted By: SteveInTN
- Had no idea where to go to meet women
Me neither. Suggestions?
I hear ya on the everything "without" thoughts. That is a good place to be (IMO) for awhile, but at some point you will want to move past that. Ease into the relationship thing. I guess the first step beyond that is deciding you want to be exclusive with someone.
Suggestions on where to meet? This is the tough part. The correct answer is EVERYWHERE! For me I discovered that I had to realize this fact and be on my best behavior and acting accordingly at all times. You have to be willing to look your best at all times and to actually SPEAK (even if it is just a hello) to women that you see. Believe it or not, staring at them is not a good way to get an intro. You have to engage them, even if just a hello.
While pubs & bars are obvious places to meet people, I found that the quality of those I was meeting tended to drop off quite significantly there. Always fun, but I think the majority were people like my X. However, they ARE there, but perhaps they aren't the most aggresive or noticeable ones.
Church! Yes, church... I go to a very large non-denominational church and it is packed with single, attractive women. Quality goes way up here.
Friends. Make sure you are hanging with your friends and networks WILL mesh. You'll end up meeting a "friend of a friend of a friend".
School functions for my kids. When I was married I never realized that some of the women I was seeing and talking to were in fact single.
Really, everywhere is the best answer, you just need to be on your toes.
