Dude, they will probably never go away. Going dark doesn't necessarily mean you have to move on. I believe it means just concentrating on yourself, and only yourself.
I can't say much for it pushing her away, it's not doing either for my W.... she is already gone due to a number of factors. Going Dark is the least of them.
what is her problem? When we are in the same room together she does not say a word to me. And I don't care. I got a life and it does not involve her in any way. Last time we talked she said she does not like me does not want to work on a friendship ect.... Does not hurt anymore. So I am good there.
The thing I don't get is 5 text messages in 2 days and 4 were yesterday. 1st 1 telling me our tax appointment was ok Sunday. Next asking to get milk on the way home from work. Next was changing our taxes to Monday. Next was asking if I got milk and if I wanted her to pick up food for me.
And today she asked if she picked up oil for her car if I would change it for her. The thing with that last question for me is she used to kid about why she married me. She used to say she married me cause I was a mechanic. Ya ha ha. So if she married me for that, what makes her think I am touching her car now that we are not married.
Hey Ed, it's been a while, been super busy, you know, life gets like that.
Been catching up on your thread and it's what i mentioned to your before earlier in this thread or another.
You have stopped pursuing. You have stopped talking, stopped asking questions, stopped initiating contact, etc. You created a vacuum between the two of you and now she is the one initiating contact, even in a limited form. Asking for you to buy milk, asking for you to change her oil, etc.
I would still stay dark and limit your contact. Continue getting a life, get out of the house more, just don't be around as much, limit your conversation, only respond to her if she asks a question, limit your responses to a few words and also appear to be happy and doing well.
You sound like you're doing a lot of this and congrats, you're getting it. Act happy until you are happy and trust me, it will happen.
You see you aren't her stepping stone to emotional healing. If you had stayed sad, depressed hurt, etc. It would helped her more, it would have solidified the decision in her head to leave you because you aren't an attractive man in her eyes. But you getting a life, acting happy, doing stuff, moving on in general, etc. throws all of those ideas to the side because she can see that you aren't depressed and you are actually fine. It confuses her and makes her question herself and her decisions. It also allows you to discover the great individual you are, the one that got lost in this relationship.
As for the feelings, trust me bro, they will always be there, coming & going, some days strong, some days very distant. You can't fault feelings, you feel because you have a heart, it's not a bad thing. Don't ever believe that either.
Keep doing what you're doing and give us an update when you get a chance.
not much just a update. I am pretty sure she had her oil done last night. So I am glad I did not have to do it. I am pretty sure she had some else do her oil is cause I did not answer her text message. I now refuse. If she wants anything, she needs to talk to me. Should have seen her face when I got home to night from Bible study. She looked puzzled. I think this was the first time she was home already when I got home. Well she said nothing until I said goodnight. she said or mumbled good night. Oh ya one more thing......... I QUIT SMOKING!!!!!! I never thought I could do it. But I did and its funny how you can just tell it is going to last this time. Wonder how long it will take the W to notice??
Me 41 W 44 Together 7 years Married 6 Bomb Dec 2 08
she is noticing, that's the point, keep doing what you're doing, getting a life, not filling in the details for her, not doing things for her, being mysterious, being out of the home while she is there.
I'm certain she notices differences in you, it would be hard not to notice.
When she was planning to leave you and she went out all the time, you noticed. You noticed when she was home, what she was doing, what she was saying, when she went out, how long she stayed out, etc.
You were curious about those details.
Now you're detaching, you've created this vacuum of space between the 2 of you. You're no longer pursuing, it throws her off balance.
Now you're changing, getting a life, being different from your usual routine (which is very good, keep it up) and she is noticing.
Seriously bro, good luck on the quitting smoking, you can do it, you can do anything, never forget that - the only person that really limits you is yourself, nobody else.
Not sure I agree with you about the vacuum. She has not been here since thursday. Which is good for me. I dont want to see her. I am sure she will be gone all weekend. So, More about what I am going to be doing. I quit smoking. next I am going to cut out most of my sugar intake. get some help with my diet so I can bulk a little when I join the gym this week. I am good And I dont want her back, as of right now. I would have to see some drastic 180's from her to even consider taking her back. I have to start getting the bills separated so we have no more joint bills. I need to be completely on my own. I am not sure I will ever want her back. There are definitely plenty of other fish in the sea. By the time she comes around it may be to late. I am tired of waiting.
Me 41 W 44 Together 7 years Married 6 Bomb Dec 2 08
just remember slow is fast when it comes to resolving these problems - don't count the days waiting for a big fix to happen to clean up this mess. It's going to take alot of time, use the time to your advantage and work on you right now and stop thinking about her, where she is and what she is doing.
Slow is Fast and Fast is Slow when it comes to fixing these relationship problems.
Glad to hear you're joining a gym - putting all your energy into you and realizing some decent personal time for yourself on a daily basis is really going to wake you up on what you've been missing with regards to taking care of yourself.
Continue being dark, detaching, getting a life - the gym is a great idea, a great step in the right direction!!!
The vacuum principle is real, give it some time, you'll see. ;-)
well let's see.... I have not been here for a while. I want to thank everybody for the support. For all the noobs just want you to know that you will be happy and functional again. Up to you how long you want to suffer. Best advice I can give is to get over it now!!!!! And MOVE ON! It is the best thing you can do. You know what everybody here is telling you to do. "GAL" the sooner the better. I am telling you if I did sooner there might have been a chance for me. But there is none now. She's gone and I don't want her back. Happier than I ever have been in my life. For me there was a day when I looked at the ex and felt nothing. Felt sorry for her but nothing else. Funny I had a bad few days. But still happier than I ever was. Friday I flipped my truck. And moday I was served with the d papers. So cool!! I am free!! It's over never going to happen. I moved on. Everything in my life was crap and now 1 by 1 I am getting things straight. Just want to let you know what kind of person she has become. She just left finally. Walked away and started over. Left me and HER sons here. Then asked if the wanted to go with her or stay. And they chose to stay with me. They don't like or agree with her either. I have a new girlfriend and she is the best. I moved on. I gave up. it was too much. Could not deal. But I am not week. I am stonger than I have ever been. So thank you for reading my ramble and i wish everybody the best here. And remember god loves you and so do I. Lot of people here love you to so hang in. It will get better. I promise.
Me 41 W 44 Together 7 years Married 6 Bomb Dec 2 08
Best advice I can give is to get over it now!!!!! And MOVE ON!
Yep...
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It is the best thing you can do.
Yep...
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You know what everybody here is telling you to do. "GAL" the sooner the better. I am telling you if I did sooner there might have been a chance for me.
Yep I have been telling others that since day one. Few listen. Most of what you and I tell others about your "discovery" will fall on deaf ears. They need to get a clue.
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But there is none now.
Yep. Waited too long to let go. Many on here are doing the same thing and are getting the same result. Sad, but true. Slowly destroying the last glimmer of hope because they think hanging in there is the answer. How wrong they are...
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Happier than I ever have been in my life.
Taking charge and letting go for good will do that to you. Feels good doesn't it?...
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I have a new girlfriend and she is the best.
Yep. Good for you. I figured a new girlfriend was part of the reason for your obvious joy and happiness. Enjoy. Life is good. Accept things happily just as they are....
Stay the course... You will never want to go back to the old ways once the light comes on....
But I did and its funny how you can just tell it is going to last this time. Wonder how long it will take the W to notice??
