It's Complicated! Part 4

[glamgirl]

Ok so h comes over on Sunday. He was so sick. Asked me to run out and get him some over the counter cough, cold and flu. I picked up some things and then out to the blue says Glam lets test out our bed.

Oh my gosh, I was so shocked. He was sick, but still wanted to have some sex. When he came over he gave me lots of hugs and kisses, touching me all over telling me how much he missed and loved me. Wow! What a day! H go on a trip more often.

H came over on Monday to help with the kids and he spent most of the day on the couch. He is running a fever and still very sick. He apologized a ton for being sick. I said h don't worry about it you are sick. He just said sorry I can't help more. He usually likes to help with laundry, dishes, helping with some cleaning.

He said he was going to call in sick on Tuesday, since he is not getting better. He also said he couldn't help witht he kids on Wed or Thur since he has day trips out of the area. I just said h I will get someone to help, that means me, s20 and possibly the neighbor girl.

When he left last night I said h when will we see you again. He said I don't know maybe Saturday. Now Saturday is V-day and our D4's birthday, so hopefully he will show then.

Oh well not going to stress. We are going out for dinner next week for V-day. We have never been much for celebrating it on the day. The restuarants all seem so crowded. We were going to go out this week for dinner, but now h is out of town.

We have MC this Thur, but now that will need to be cancelled. Don't know what this week will bring.

[plentyhope]

Glam, Awesome about your latest interactions! His being sick gives you a chance to show him your love. You're doing the right things by him. Happy V-Day!

[Upside]

Hi glam-
It is so wonderful that your H tells you he loves you. He does seem so committed to you and the kids but for whatever reason isn't ready to move home...but hopefully that will change sometimes soon. My H will only say he loves me if he is asked by me or our C.

Wow...even when your H is sick, he still wants to break that mattress in. Lucky you but I hope you don't come down with your H's cold.

Stay positive and keep enjoying the connections your H making with you and your kids even things aren't exactly the way you want them to be.

(((HUGS)))

[Truelove]

Hi glamgirl,

That sounds very promising!! - Your H seems to have made a lot of progress lately. He also helps you such a lot. Not many men do that.

Take it slowly, and hopefully, your H will end up home for good soon. (((HUGS)))

[glamgirl]

Thanks all for the encouragment. It really helps me to keep going. My h very rarely says he loves me unless I say it first, but since he was gone on his business trip he must of really been missing me and the kids.

He even said how much he missed me. Yes Upside it seems things are going well, but then no move home nor will he ever spend the night. It's as if I have the plague when it comes to that. I was hoping he would spend the night and then that would encourage him to move home, but ain't going to happen.

Thanks TL. My h has always been one to help around the house even before all this happened. I should consider myself lucky, but then h is like that from a fault and can come across as if I can't do anything right.

For example, he says Glam you need to clean as you go like in the cartoon movie Ratatouli. Well I am not some cartoon character. He also says things like Glam you need to be running the washer in parallel when you are cooking dinner, cleaning etc. See where I am going with this. It's nice, but he also makes me feel inadequate.

He tries to put his skills and expectations onto me, which is not fair. I DO NOT by any means lack the skill. I run a very organized and clean house for the most part, it's just that h doesn't seem to be happy with the way I clean or something. I often feel I don't live up to his standards or that I am not good enough in that dept. He is a perfectionist!

Oh well, I am NOT by any means perfect nor is he!

We could both use some work in this area! Haven't heard from h today. We will see what the rest of the week brings.

[glamgirl]

Ok so it was around 5:30pm and h calls and says Glam I am on my way to the house.

He says can s20 watch the kids so we can eat dinner out for Vday. S20 watched the kids and h and I had a nice romeantic dinner.

Ok so I got a litte bold. H was saying things like Glam I know it's not easy, meaning caring for the kids like I am on my own when h is not there.

I said something like, h you will be home soon. I think he said something like I know, that is what I am trying to do. I then said h what keeps you away. He didn't respond.

I said it's ok h if you decide you don't want to return. If you don't think I am worth it, then he says Glam there you go putting words in my mouth. He said I am trying to figure it out.

I know that this requires patience, but boy that tank is drying up. I also mentioned something about the kids needing there father at home. He said regardless of what happens, I will always be there father.

That statement really concerned me. Does he really think he might not ever return? Oh I don't know if I am wasting my time here.

We did have a very nice dinner. Then on our way to pick up the kids at s20's new place, he said something like it's funny that s20 is turning out just like me and doing the things that I have been running away from. Not sure what he meant by that, other than maybe caretaking.

My h has always had a passion for helping those in need. Good quality to have, but you have to know when to stop and when enough is enough.

Oh well not sure where to go or do now!

[Silent Chrleader]

Glam, I really envy you!!!!

And not just because you get romantic dinners with your H (although I do very much wish that for myself).

What I really envy is your grace and patience!!!!

Thank you for being one of my examples to following through this whole mess!!

((((hugs))))

[glamgirl]

Thank you SC. It has taken me a long time to get here. What I do have is hope now, that h is making progress towards home. He seems to want to be with me and the kids, not sure what stops him from making that step home all the way.

In the beginning, I didn't have much hope for my m. It felt like h was gone forever, so I do know those feelings of despair.

Overtime, he has been drawn home, but that didn't just happen by chance. I had to work at it. Everyday I had to choose to love my h unconditionally and love him from a distance.

Eventually he was drawn to me, but that didn't happen overnight. The loving unconditionally wasn't for my h, it was for me. For me to let go of the anger, resentment, disappointment. It was a way for me to let go and be me. Well, by doing that I got an added bonus, h was drawn to me.

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I am sorry you are having to go through this. I wouldn't wish this journey on anyone, but I do feel I am that much closer to God through all of this and am learning when to keep quiet with my h and how better to relate to him.

Hugs SC and thanks for the kind words. They mean so much to me. You would have been dissappointed with me from how I was acting in the early days of this journey.

[Cinderellaman]

wonderful website Glam....it gives me hope to become good parents together and maybe go through life, having forgiven H and myself. How important it is to let go and forgive !

I am so in awe of how far you have come !! xx

[Silent Chrleader]

Hey, [[[[[Glam]]]]].

I will definitely check out that website!