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#1703808 01/28/09 01:44 AM
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Originally Posted By: jeff223

Time for a Better Man quote:

"If God looked directly into your eyes

and said

"I command you be happy in the world,

as long as you live"

What would you do


Remove the things from my life that interfere with my happiness. Find the things that make me happy and do them.


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Quote:
Probally complain that he couldn't. ; )


That wasn't very loving Jack......


M- 48
XW- mentally 17
KIDS- 3- S19, D23, D28
Married- 17 years
Divorce final- 10/16/09

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I winked.
Sides...not exactly looking for man love.



Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis

Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans

Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK

TRUST THE PROCESS - Cadet

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Originally Posted By: Jack_Three_Beans

Sides...not exactly looking for man love.


Turning over a new leaf are we ;\)


M- 48
XW- mentally 17
KIDS- 3- S19, D23, D28
Married- 17 years
Divorce final- 10/16/09

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This is the fastest moving thread I have ever seen. I leave for a couple of hours and its 3 pages longer and locked!!!

Proud of you Frank. So what (exactly) are the things you are going to change? I want to hear what you are doing for you....


Me: 46 FWS: 36
Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07
Baby Girl born 3/08
Kicked him out because OW: 7/08
5/10 He realized what he had and lost.
Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
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Ohhh Frankie Poo. I tried to call you!!!

Hi gang.

So Ian and I were talking and I thought I might give you a call. I tried and it went to VM. I hope you might be in a meeting.

I'm not sure I ever told you this. We spoke by phone in Dec. of 06. It was close to Christmas. The man I spoke to on the phone opened my eye (I only have one) to so much in the short convos we had.

I was not D at the time and was still struggling with keeping my damn mouth shut and focusing on me. I was a posting fool on here and just wanting everything to be ok. And something struck me not but an hour or two after our conversation while I was in KS visiting family.

Guess what?! Everything is ok. I am fine. I'm happier now then before. I have learned so much about myself and those around me. I've embraced life as it comes towards me thanks to you and so many others on here. And the BEST part.. I didn't need CL back in my life to accomplish this. It happened because I focused on me. What Tyson/Tiara Boy/Confused Mess needed.

What did I need? I needed me without another addiction in my life. Whether it was alcohol, drugs or my EX that's right-- EX Wife. I have been addicted to all three. I have removed those demons for today.

I found Tyson. I now know what Attorney Tom had always preached. He kept telling me to focus on ME. I finally started doing it. And I love me (yes Ian, in more ways than one).

What I realized by focusing on me is that I will be ok no matter what. Everyone in my life is just an added bonus.

My gf (you all remember val) mentioned to me tonight (and I am not sh*tting you here) that in all her past relationships she felt as though she would not be ok on her own. In this R "I have learned from you that you are a bonus and I could and would be ok without you. I'm not saying that I wouldn't be sad, but I know that life would go on and I would do just fine..." That is something that made me smile and two years ago to hear that from my ex wife I would have been writing here and bawling on the phone to any one of you.

I don't want to make this too long (hahaha i know... it's already a novel) but just a few things I have learned through my D and this place...

1. I have NO control. None, Zero, zip. I can control my thoughts, my actions and me. That's it. My ex... nope. My gf? nope.. My job.. Only what I,ME,Tyson can do. I cannot control how people will react, what they will say or what they will do. I can however control how I respond to it.

2. Expectations are the devil. They really do cause us to be miserable. Case in point: Everytime I would talk to CL before the "breakthrough" I would play the entire scenario through in my head. How she would respond, what I would say....blah blah blah. It never worked out that way and I usually ended up worse off. Even at work I would walk into an office thinking that I was there to fix a simple issue. It turned into a 4 hour ordeal. I was PO'd. If I would have walked into the office thinking "Let's see what this experience has in store for me"... I would not be surprised or upset by anything.

When we expect others to act a certain way, respond a certain way or be a certain way we are setting ourselves up for a huge disappointment. I even did that with myself for so many years that it kept a straw in my nose and me in the bottom of the bottle. Now I just do what I can and let the pieces fall where they may.

3. Faith or belief... everything happens for a reason and in our loving, comfortable place known as the pity pot we fail to see this.

I will finish my novel now.

Make yourself a priority Frank. You owe yourself that. You owe your kids that.

And don't let Ian try to talk you into picking anything up for him. It hurts!

Just be my friend and you will be fine.


M-35 going on 15
D-8
S- 3 yrs
ex-CL(w)- 30

D over one year

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
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I meant that to say "JUST BE" and you will be fine my friend. Not just be my friend. I mean, you can be my friend. You don't need to be my friend for things to be fine though. You would be fine if you weren't my friend, it would be nice if you were though.

I quit.


M-35 going on 15
D-8
S- 3 yrs
ex-CL(w)- 30

D over one year

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
Douglas Adams
"Just Be"
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Quote:
I meant that to say "JUST BE" and you will be fine my friend. Not just be my friend. I mean, you can be my friend. You don't need to be my friend for things to be fine though. You would be fine if you weren't my friend, it would be nice if you were though.

I quit.


lol \:\)

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Originally Posted By: Tiara Boy (CM)
I meant that to say "JUST BE" and you will be fine my friend. Not just be my friend. I mean, you can be my friend. You don't need to be my friend for things to be fine though. You would be fine if you weren't my friend, it would be nice if you were though.

I quit.


That adult ADD is a bitch aint it tyson......... ;\)


M- 48
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KIDS- 3- S19, D23, D28
Married- 17 years
Divorce final- 10/16/09

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Thanks Tyson. This whole thread has been like a bad remake of "It's a Wonderful Life". Frank has done so much for others and nothing for himself. Even to the extent that by failing to do for himself he has hurt his family.

A big lesson.

And I don't have control over anyone or anything. Only myself. Like you said, I just need to shut up and deal with my own crap. That's it.

Tonight we went 'as a family' to our favorite restaurant for D18's birthday. We picked up W at her house and I drove. W sat in the back seat with D18 and D18's boyfriend. Lot's of joking and stuff going on during the 1/2 hour drive.

At dinner we were all pleasant. W had no trouble talking to me and making eye contact, even making a joke or two. The girls had fun and of course the food was good.

She offered to pay for half of the bill but I told her this was my treat for D18.

On the way home I kind of realized that I am no fun to be around. I haven't been for a long time. Something to change.

Dropped W off at her house and she even said goodbye to me.

I agree with you Tyson, I'm addicted to the pain. I'm addicted to being a victim. I'm addicted to being rejected by W. I'm addicted to alcohol.

Like I've said before, 10 years ago I wasn't like this. I was on top of the game.

I'll put the time and energy into myself with no expectations as to what will happen with my family, except that I will love and be loved by my daughters.

Not drinking tonight even though I feel like crap.


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