L - Well handled in the ediator sitch. Good thing to say to W. Is that a delay tactic on her part perhaps ????
Also, well dodged on the nesting thing. Why 2 years ? Why anytime at all ?
Well sir, you are doing unbelievable given all this as usually, from the outside looking in we can maybe grasp something that you can't but jees, what exactly is it your W wants ? D ? Reconsilliation but scared to admit it ? Has she had an A that has either ended or she now regrets and wants you back ?
Man, I'm confused bigtime, and you are handling everything better than I could I think. Keep the eyes and ears open, lkeep watching and keep doing what your doing.
Thanks for checking in. I had a great weekend with the kids skiing. My S5 snowboarded for the first time and I was very proud.
Back at home things aren't so good. W and I had a therapy session to discuss the nesting and I fell apart. I am having a hard time standing up to her. She wants to nest for 2 years for the kids and I wanted to start my own life. She made such a good argument that my therapist even sided with her. Today turned out to be the hardest day of the whole 14 month ordeal. I have the kids tonight but I am having trouble holding it together. I am thinking bad thoughts. My L is telling me to stop talking to my W, but my W always comes first with me. So I am paying my L huge dollars and I am not listening to her advice. I have even agreed to meet with another mediator that is more business-like that my W thinks will be better for us. I tried to explain that we are coming from different places. She has moved on and I am still in love, but I just sounded like a moron. I want to die, but my kids dig me and I know that one day I will get better.
I feel like a failure and I am embarrassed to tell you all of this but that is what is happening.
How are you?
Me 41 W 39 d7, s4 M 13 Bomb ILYBNILWY November 28th, 2007
Lucas, I think you need to stay strong and listen to your lawyer. The well being of the kids is paramount but same goes for yours as well. The kids need to see Dad in a good place and sometimes you've got to do what you've got to do. Divorce is messed up no matter what, and I don't think that nesting will remove a lot of the tension that will naturally occur.
I must do some journaling. I just had a phone conversation with W. She was calling because my paychecks aren't coming fast enough to cover our expenses. I "lectured' her, her words, on how our spending rate isn't covered by my paycheck. She then said something about her wanting to work and that she would one day but that it would probably take two years to start. That part was the part I wanted to write down. I wish it was a email exchange so I could look at the words. Two years for what? She has never mentioned her plans before and "just wanted to, you know, throw that out. You know me, I want to work." Now that seems like she expected me to read her mind. Then I thanked her for telling me about it and that I would be supportive of anything that she did. Then I sarcastically reminded her that I had always been somewhat supportive of her in the past, bad move. She laughed and reminded me that one of her complaints was that I was only somewhat supportive of her during our M. Then I did something I never do. I got mad. I was extremely supportive of her every move. She wanted to be a rock star, we got her a band. When she couldn't get a record deal we became her record company. When she did work I built new things for her to return to. It seems to be so easy for her to put together a history that tells her what she wants to remember. I can remember an new business idea that she had that I thought sounded hard to pull off. She can use that time as an example of how I was only somewhat supportive.
I have decided to pursue the D! I have been unwilling to discuss the D with her because I was doing my DBing by not helping the D and not bringing up R talks. On this call I did a 180 by telling her that if she files I will begin to restructure our finances to reflect our new situation. She said that nothing will really change because we are keeping the houses and nesting. I didn't go into my plans. They are only ideas anyway. Simple ones, like getting my own bank account.
We have had two mediation sessions and it has taken 5 months. She has not filed. I'm not tired of waiting for the D at all, but her spending is driving us into debt.
As for the aforementioned affair, I still have no evidence. I find it a bit sad that she is alone and that she would cause so much pain without someone to run to.
She just called back. She said she was sorry for the earlier conversation. I wasn't. So I got right back into it. HA. Then I turned it into laughter with my infinite charm. It ended with the standard, I'm glad we talked, we have to in order to move forward blah, blah. When we hung up I said, OK, bud. She said don't call me that. I said OK. Lots more laughter. HA. I hope she is smiling like I am. This D thing really is bringing us together. I do think that after 18 or so months I am finally starting to be able to stand up to her a whole lot better. I do think that the only thing that is making that possible is that I'm starting to not like her as much. It is all such a shame. Wasting perfectly good love.
Good luck to you all. I know you need it.
L
Me 41 W 39 d7, s4 M 13 Bomb ILYBNILWY November 28th, 2007
hey there, it is a hard sitch so dont' be hard on yourself.
Quote:
She said that nothing will really change because we are keeping the houses and nesting.
What a control freak, she seem like she's made the decisions for both of you, glad you are standing up to it -- I mean, 2 years?? that would be agony and not fair at all to you. The kids are affected by the amount of conflict more than with the D itself, so I disagree with your T, if nesting is making you so miserable then you shouldn't settle for it.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
