Ok, I am here, now what?

[whitneypinch]

Hello all,
So I am divorced and separated from my W for a year now. We are friendly, and there is no anger. Recently my W has even signed some emails with hugs and kisses. We don't spend time together but usually text daily about our kids. We send photos of the kids to each other and share responsibilities with the kids equally.
So, here we are. The perfect couple that should not be divorced. I guess it's time to try and detach. I have done the 180's, GAL, PMA and become a great father. I have worked on myself and made amends with everyone. I have been caring and kind to W as well.
I see her when I get the kids sometimes and I just want to grab her and kiss her.
I do still have a bit of anger. It just feels like I am a great babysitter for the kids now and she can go do all that she wants. Yes, I know I can do all that I want as well. I just want my family to be a family again.
Should we be working on the stage of friendship or should I detach.
If we are supposed to be working on friendship then do I initiate and ask her out or not.

Confused what to do?

[Ready2Change]

Hi,

I haven't followed you sitch, but I will give you my 2 cents.

Your communication in R is magnitudes better than mine. Count your blessings.

You want to grab and kiss her. I feel that would be too aggressive. How good are you at flirting? Do you practice flirting with other women? The book "Teach Yourself Flirting" was a good read. I am very comfortable flirting now. When I get the chance with MrsR2C, I will flirt with her now that we have a base agreement on parenting responsibilities (IE Final Divorce papers)....

A bit of anger is not healthy for YOU. The book "Radical forgiveness" helped me deal with my negative emotions.

As far as detaching or working on friendship, I can do both at the same time. I can be emotionally detached from EX and still be happy, friendly, kind, empathetic, understanding, patient....

As far as asking her out, Read "Hold on to you NUTS" and the flirting book for lots of insight.

I will summarize my thoughts: The woman will give you signs that she wants to be asked out, it is you job to pick up on the signs (See the books), Women are indirect on what they want.


(I have links to the mentioned books at the top of my current thread)

[whitneypinch]

Thanks so much for your help.
I have calmed down about the anger. The truth is we all change hour by hour.One hour we are angry, sad, happy, scared, etc.
I have flirted with her in the past and she shut me down. I flirted with her a few days ago and she was kind of receptive about it.
She has mentioned recently that it would be ok for us to talk about stuff and to even get together. Her reference to getting together was sort of to talk about the kids etc. I don't think it is for us to go and have fun but maybe I am not seeing the baby step here.
Since you have read the books and I have not can you offer examples of signs that women want to be asked out?

Thanks again,
Greg

[whitneypinch]

Ok, I read some of your thread and just went an ordered Hold On To Your Nuts. It will be here tomorrow.

[whitneypinch]

Ready2change,
So, you motivated me to get the courage to ask my W out to go skating. She said that would be fun to do with the kids this Saturday.
I also went out and bought the Hold onto Your Nuts book.

So thank you for that !

[whitneypinch]

We went skating and it was so nice. I could see my W was strained though.
Over the next week we had some decent interactions and she was actually nice to me a few times. Then I said something and it triggered something in her and she laid into me. I kind of told her that we were just talking at each other and not to each other.
Anyway we sort of ended up in a bit of a R talk. She wants us to be one of those divorced couples that remain friends and I told her I wanted more. She then started to negotiate with me to which I said that I think it's best for us to only have contact when we need to discuss the kids. She said she did not want it to go that way. I just got to the point where I could not take it anymore. She was not being truthful to me and it just hurt too much. I think she really does not like it when someone does not like her. I think there may be a bit of guilt in there as well. My W has a completely different life now. I don’t believe we would fit into each others lives anymore.
So I am on day 2 of no contact. Since the day she dropped the B we have not gone more than a few days without talking. I know this is the best for me and in some ways I think it may be better for her to really feel me being gone. Will it have any effect, probably not. I just have to focus on me and my kids so much more now.
We are officially divorced now.