It's Complicated! Part 3

[glamgirl]

Well it was an interesting day to say the least.

I had sent h an e-mail early early day. Needed to make sure he was meeting the insurance adjuster for the car. He e-mailed me back and said he would be at the house around 2pm.

He called before 2pm and said hi Glam how are you. Now I hadn't spoke to him in a few days. I said just fine h. We talked about the rest of the day. H was having the insurance adjuster look at his car and then he needed to drop it off at the body shop and pick up a rental.

He called when he was done with all that and said before I pick up D4 how about you and I go grab a bite to eat. So h comes over to my work and picks me up in his rental car.

We had a nice dinner. Now h starts telling me h wants to get off the AD's altogether. He wants to work out and that he is going to his Dr next week.

Get this! He said that he has been focusing on all the negative's about me and that is not fair to me. It was a little dissappointing at first to hear that he was doing that, but hopefully this will now change. He said that he too has to rememember all the positives too. He said Glam let's make the good better and the bad let's not make it any worse.

I did ask h what positives he liked about me. Not in a gloating fashion, but what is it exactly that he likes. It is important to me to hear what he likes about me too. Remember I don't hear this very often.

H said Glam you are a good w and mother, you do a good job of balancing work and child responsibilities while I am not in the home. We (as in h and I) do a good job of parenting together. You do a good job of managing the home. You are very patient with me. I felt pretty hopeful that h did really like me for a change. Many times I have felt that he really hasn't cared. This was huge for me.

H even agreed to go for a drive to the coast with the kids on Sat. This should be fun for the kids and h and I. We haven't done this probably in 3 years. I did suggest staying overnight on Fri, but h said no to that. That is fine, we really don't need to be gone the whole weekend, but think a weekend together could be a possibility in the future.

He said I will pick you up from work for MC tomorrow and then left. Hmmmmmm is he awakening or what?

[glamgirl]

H also said something about me getting on board, as on the same page as him. He said if I wasn't able to do that, then we would have to go our separate ways. Something like that.

Not so sure what all that meant. I did ask for some clarification and he said something like not being bossy, telling him what to do, not undermining him with the kids, doing what I am told. Stuff like that.

All of that is nothing new, but I guess my h hasn't seen enough changes from me. This is all so really tough, but I am trying. Many would have given up by now, but I have learned much on this journey and God isn't finished with me yet.

It's interesting. Everyday I have been praying for my h when I am at the gym to remove the hardness in h's heart. I keep getting the same vision of something that looks like a heart, with red in the center and then like a yellow glow around the heart, with a hard ring of black crust around the lighted area of his heart.

I will keep praying that God is making a dent to his heart. Could that possibly be the focus on the positives of me that h's heart is softening which is exactly what I have been praying?

[MidwesternGirl]

I have to ask:

Did he tell you all of these things while on the AD's or has he already gotton himself off of them?

I guess I am asking because if he goes off of them, it will probably make him think/feel quite differently. That is my concern.

I am glad he had that talk with you about not focusing on the negatives and that is very positive but getting off the AD's is a concern. What if the doctor says to stay on them and he goes against the doctor's advice? I know AD's change a person but getting off of them can be difficult as well.

I guess we will just have to wait until he meets with the doctor.

[glamgirl]

Thanks MWG h is still on the AD's. His Dr appointment is next week.

We did go to MC yesterday. Overall was a good session.

We had not seen the MC recently due to financial, but we are back on track 2 sessions per month or more.

Most of the C was spent updating the C on what took place the past 6 weeks.

I did mention during the session about h's lack of communication and not showing when he is suppose to. H took full responsibility. He said that he needed to follow through with his committments to his family regardless of how he was feeling.

What he said is that he has been very depressed and it's as if he is paralyzed. He said he just lays down and only his eyes move and he just thinks and sleeps.

Now he did say that he hasn't called to let me know because he doesn't want to hear my RATH. Hmmmmmm, but he also said that he didn't want the future to dictate my past response. Yes in the past I probably would give him the rath, but I do feel I have changed.

H said he would try to communicate better with me. Next appointment set for 2 weeks.

After C we picked up D4 and picked up some dinner. H helped with the kids and then said see you on Saturday.

Just as I was typing h called and asked how my day is going. Mentioned his day and then said see you tomorrow morning. We are going for a drive to the coast tomorrow. It should be fun. Just for the day and have fun with the kids.

Hopefully this is all called progress in the right direction?

[Truelove]

Hi glamgirl,
Good to hear that your H likes you these days. Good luck with his progress!(((HUGS)))

[job]

Glam,
The session went quite well. Notice how he described the depression..paralyzed. I've heard that quite often w/these guys.

As for the ADs, he may need to be weened off of them very gradually.

Glam, hang in there and please keep your expectations at zero at all times. He's going to have ups and downs for quite a while.

[glamgirl]

You are so right Snodderly. He did say at C that when he is so deep in depression that he doesn't want the kids or me to see him like this. That is why he doesn't call or show.

The C suggested that at these times if he could use text at least to let me know he is not coming.

Yes, the expectations have to be at zero. It is hard though. Like tomorrow he says he is coming. Hopefully that will be the case.

If he doesn't that is when I need to go on whether h makes it or not and not let his actions dictate my mood, behaviors or plans.

It's not easy though. I can say that for sure. Especially when we make plans or my h sets an expectation himself. I do think he will be here on Sat though. He seemed much more normal, not like the holiday depression we went through.

[Jeff3]

Hey GG

sounds like some progress is being made, it's a good thing that you are able to go to a MC together. Progress I am learning is always slow

cheers

Jeff

[glamgirl]

Thanks Jeff. We are at a snails pace here. My h does admit in C that he is slow. I think he could win an award for taking the longest to figure life out, but then that's my h NOT me.

Life' too short.

[plentyhope]

I think he could win an award for taking the longest to figure life out, but then that's my h NOT me.

Glam, My H takes a while to figure life out too. Don't feel too badly.