Making peace with it

[22tango]

Tomorrow would have been 7 years...together for 8 1/2. We have a 10 month old son that will never know what it is like to have both of his parents. He will never see how much love there was in our lives and marriage...

It has been a long and hard road for me and my family and I am now certain it is over. I do not know how to post links to my sitch, but there was never much action on my threads anyway.

I know that things will get better and that life moves on, but I miss him, I miss our friendship, I miss everything that made us so great once. I don't know how to keep breathing sometimes. I was doing well, but tomorrow will be so hard. We used to love ushering in a New Year celebrating our love and marriage. Now New Years Eve will never be the same for me.

Tango

[cat03]

hey there, the "first" are always the hardest, hug your little ones and focus on what you do have. Negative thoughts are so strong, it's easy to get lost in them, fight them, KNOW that you will be ok, that you will make it regardless, do something different for nyear's.

[No_hill_for_a_Swimmer]

I agree with Cat
Your number one enemy is negativity. I've been in singleland for 3+ years and beyond the normal mourning for a lost relationship I felt the negative thoughts were the number one problem to the point I did not pursue things with the gusto needed to be successful.

If you look back on your marriage do so on a lessons learned exercise not to beat yourself up. That is a point in the DB books.

The book "Rapid Relief from Emotional Distress" discusses the practice of cognitive redirect. It's out of print but probabaly available on the internet and like any self help book it tends to promise more than it delivers but the concepts are sound and a highly recommended read.

Cognitive Redirect is basicly the process of defining a moment as
This stinks
to
I like how this stinks
to
I wish this would stink more

I realize mourning period is normal and necessary for emotional healing like the healing of a broken bone but longer and more difficult but 99.9% of lifes disappointments are lesser that what brought you to this board many can be turned around.

I do not post much on this board anymore due to time constraints and other interests so
Best Wishes

[hope2wrkitout]

firsts are very hard. i seperated right before the holidays last year, but i consider this truly the first holiday we are seperated because last year we were seperated, but we still shared a residence. This year I am in my own place with my son and for the first time it truly feels like we are two different people only coming together to raise our son. My H honestly feels like a stranger. We no longer know eachother at this point in our lives. I need this feeling though in order to keep moving through this difficult process.

Anyway, just know it does get better. Right now it may feel like it won't, but it does. I had many of those I can't breathe moments. For the sake of my son I had to push past it. You will never know how strong you are until you go through this and you will. What kept me going is reflecting on all the moments in my life that I never thought I would get through and then realizing I got through them. This too shall pass. When it starts to hurt, just take it for what it is and know that you will come out on the other side. I still think about my H and the friendship we had and I hurt for my son knowing that he is from a broken home, but I do believe that GOD would not bring me to this without bringing me through this. Surely there is something better in store for you and for me.

[22tango]

Thank you for the responses. I know that my posts can come off very negative, but I am ok for the most part. Yesterday actually went better than expected and I welcomed the new year with my kids and couldn't have had a better time.

I am looking back on all that went wrong and trying to learn from it all. I know that there are things that I did to contribute to the end of my marriage, but I also know that I fought it and gave it all I had and can live with the knowledge that I did not give up.

I still hurt and suppose that there will always be some pain, but I know it will get better.

Happy new year

[cat03]

hi, I didnt' mean to imply that your posts were negative, but I wanted you to remember to keep your focus on good positive thoughts on those times when the whole thing falls on us like a ton of bricks. Sometimes we are our worst enemy. I'm glad to hear you had a good new years))))