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(((PM))),

I loved your story about the woman in the car. It happens to all of us, if all you see is the negative, and all you think is negative, all you get is negative.

I see that you have many positive thoughts going on, even though I know that those negatives can intrude and temporarily get you down.

I also agree w/whatdidido as far as your husband's moods and emotons swinging just like yours do. They are able to hide it, since they've started closing us out of their life.

Keep up the great work - thoughts and prayers for you and your little ones.


Me - 45
D - 19
D - 17
S - 14
S - 13



Final - 1/15
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Hi PM. I've just been catching up on your sitch. I'm really sorry I've not been past in a while. I think I've maybe been a bit too self absorbed in my own problems. You've been such a strength to me though and I'll appreciate that more than you'll ever know. I even noticed you trying to rally up some support for me in your own thread. This to me speaks volumes about how good a person you are. Thank you.

As for your sitch, it sounds like you are doing amazing. I think you seem to be in a good place right now. the extent to which you've improved yourself is an inspiration to us all. I know you still haven't reconciled with your H but in my mind, there's not a single thing you could do more than what you already are doing to better your chances. I'm pretty sure your H must be noticing changes in you. God, I've noticed changes in you in the relatively short time we've been posting to each other and I live on the other side of the world. You mentioned that there was no harm in going on as you are and just waiting to see how your H progresses in his growth. I totally agree with you here. You're not pinning all your hopes to your M now but you still don't want to rule it out completely. Very wise IMO. You and only you will know when enough is enough and it's time to move on.

You're doing fantastic. Never stop smiling. (((PM)))


Me: 32, Wife: 22
Son: 2
Married: 2 years
Separated: January 5th 2009

Sometimes you have to become lost before you can find yourself.
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Hi CIW and Davidswife, thanks for visiting. Your words are food for my soul. Thank you very much!

Everyone who is reading, Can It Work is going a tough weekend. I know we are all busy over this weekend but please please check on him in the Newcomer's thread as his wife is moving out MONDAY!!!! He needs all of us to prop him up. So if you have a minute, please visit his thread http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1700190#Post1700190

Remember those first few days when all we feel is numbness? We have progressed so far, please help a fellow DB'er with his growth.

Signing off for a week or so, will catch up with everyone later on!

Last edited by PositivelyMommy; 01/23/09 01:17 PM.

Me:39
H:40
S:9
D:7
First Bomb ONS:June 07
Second Bomb OW: March 08
Separated: March 08
M:15 yrs
T:18 yrs
H deep into A with OW
Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09

'Yes, I can.'
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PM - just wanted to stop by... thank you for your post on my thread... I've been off and on lately ...

I do read but haven't found time to post and I need to lend a hand with some of the newercomers on here too...

you always have great feedback ... I have my 2nd DB coach session this week and I'll see what Jodi has to say too about H confessions.. HA!!!

hang in there - you are a strong women..

xoxo


Me: 38/H:40
M:7yrs
TG: 10yrs
2Girls: 4yr & 7 month old
Bomb 8/22/08
OW/EA/PA 8/23/08 with 25yr old
Moved out 9/22/08

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1631985&page=2#Post1631985

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I was away but now back. Not visiting the board everyday really got me down. I think this BB really helps keeps me focused and not dwell on the uncontrollable. I started thinking the worst and my imagination ran wild. Then I got so anxious about coming back. But I DB'd my as* off. Acting 'as if' and everything went smoothly.

I am really happy with myself at the moment. My emotions have calmed down a lot and my expectations are low. There is a bit of a calm in my M, no improvement but no backtracking either. I guess what I am trying to say is that I have peace. I have not had peace for a long time but peace is SOOOOOO Good. It is the closest thing to happiness and what I have been praying for. I really hope that I can find peace no matter what my situation is.

Thanks everyone for listening.


Me:39
H:40
S:9
D:7
First Bomb ONS:June 07
Second Bomb OW: March 08
Separated: March 08
M:15 yrs
T:18 yrs
H deep into A with OW
Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09

'Yes, I can.'
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Hey PM, peace of mind is a wonderful thing. I'm glad you've finally found it. It's good to hear you talking so positive. You're doing wonders for my self esteem too by coming and posting on my thread. Also, I want to thank you again for trying to drum me up some support here. When you're going through such a hard time yourself, it shows a wonderful strength of character to be so selfless. It shows how good a person you are.

I know it must be hard for you still that your M is not yet back on track but I think you're doing so well in yourself. I see you as an inspiration in how you're coping. You're doing well. Keep it up. Your H obviously doesn't know a good thing when he's got it.

Keep smiling.


Me: 32, Wife: 22
Son: 2
Married: 2 years
Separated: January 5th 2009

Sometimes you have to become lost before you can find yourself.
Joined: May 2008
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CIW, you are incredibly strong as well. I was a wreck in the early stages, I mean really really bad. So bad that I didn't even recognize myself. No one could help me. I really felt helpless.

You, on the other hand, are doing an amazing thing, congratulate yourself everyday. You are going through a difficult stage in your life and you are handling it like a champ. No one can ever take that away from you. Remember that and it will motivate you to keep on going.


Me:39
H:40
S:9
D:7
First Bomb ONS:June 07
Second Bomb OW: March 08
Separated: March 08
M:15 yrs
T:18 yrs
H deep into A with OW
Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09

'Yes, I can.'
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{{{PM}}}} I'm so happy that you are at peace..ahh..that is a wonderful feeling and one I am hoping to get to VERY soon!! \:\)

I hope you have a wonderful week!!

Tawnya


Me:39
H:40
D18/S12
M20/T21
Bomb 10/11/08
One
Two
Three
Four


Tawnya #1709487 02/04/09 09:42 AM
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Thanks {{{Tawnya}}}. Yes, my jobs are going well and I am doing exercise and seeing my girl friends. My life is now pretty full and there is not much time to ruminate. Of course, H is on my mind most of the time but it is usually with annoyance and confusion than sadness or anger. I don't feel that a part of me is ripped apart anymore. I am finding that I can feel whole without him. It's a great feeling.

My love tank is emptying and I don't know what there is anymore. My C asked if I still love him. It's a tough question because I don't love the man that he is now. I don't know if he can ever be the man that I want him to be.

Now I am thinking maybe this IS my chance to start anew, maybe find someone who deserves my love, who will be faithful and considerate and who can put me above his own needs. I have lived that other way for so long that I have forgotten how to receive love properly. I want to learn how to do that again. I want to feel worthy, not worthless. That is how he made me feel when he became unfaithful.

I would love to save my marriage, that is what my heart wants. But my head is telling me that he can't be the man I want because he doesn't want to be. I guess over time, without ever saying in so many words, that he doesn't love me anymore and can't love me again.

If so, then why am I trying so hard? Why do I want to bring back a man who doesn't love me? I am not saying these things out of any anger, just questioning. The anger is gone. I just want to make the best choice for me.


Me:39
H:40
S:9
D:7
First Bomb ONS:June 07
Second Bomb OW: March 08
Separated: March 08
M:15 yrs
T:18 yrs
H deep into A with OW
Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09

'Yes, I can.'
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 463
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Hi PM, thanks for calling in on my thread again. It sounds as though you're reaching a turning point in your sitch. It's good to hear that you're not hurting so much any more. However my sitch turns out, I want to get to the stage where it doesn't hurt any more.

You've got so much to be thankful for. Keep embracing that and you're going to be just fine I think. If you feel you're ready to dip your toe in to the waters of love again, you go for it. Above all, we all deserve happiness. Even if I can never make my W love me again, I'd still want her to be happy. She's given me so much in life already with my beautiful Wee Man. I would love for us to share his life and growth but know that may not be possible. It's still too early for me to give up though.

I think you still want your M to work and are still trying so hard because you know what your H can be because you've seem it before and you want that man back. If you were to meet your H for the first time today, maybe you wouldn't hit it off at all. There's a lt of history between you though and that's something worth hanging on for. I would advise you not to completely abandon the idea of a reconcilliation with your H but don't wait around for it either. It's time to start living for you.

One request though, if you do go off to find love again, don't leave these boards. You're presence here would be a miss if you did.


Me: 32, Wife: 22
Son: 2
Married: 2 years
Separated: January 5th 2009

Sometimes you have to become lost before you can find yourself.
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