Thanks Snodderly! Well it's a little late I did invite h over today, only because my sister asked me to on her behalf, but yes you guessed it. He is nowhere to be found.
I find it weird though, he seemed to reach out or was he just being polite and returning my call from yesterday?
I will call ex h sis today and see what is happening. It is the season to reach out. I have nothing against those in my past. I am just thinking it would be weird to talk to my ex-h.
He was my high school sweetheart and we were together for 17 years. Still not sure what I would say to him or actually more afraid as to what he might say to me.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Glam, He was just returning your call. It's in his hole and will be there until after tomorrow. Don't expect anything from him at this point except silence. You tried, now let it go.
As for xh number 1, I'm excited for you! To reconnect w/people you've not been in contact w/for years and years! There has to be a reason for them all to be thinking about you and it could be you've been sending out vibes and they picked up on them. Who knows, but I would certainly take a few minutes and contact the xsil.
Glam, you have nothing to fear but fear itself. You have control over this particular situation and can end the communication at any time. You won't know what is on his mind until you speak to him.
Take care and have a beautiful day tomorrow w/your family.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
You are so right Snodderly all he was doing was returning a call. For a fleeting moment I thought just maybe he would say he missed me and wanted to come over tonight and on Christmas.
I was just praying and hoping that he would have a change of heart. Afterall, God is still in the business of performing miracles.
Maybe the one miracle that is happening is that S20 might just hear from his dad after all these years.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Glam, How would your son feel about it? I do believe a miracle is in the works for you and your son this Christmas. I don't know why they are all thinking about you and your son, but for some reason, the vibes are "hot" and they need to reconnect. I'm hoping everything turns out and your son finally gets to speak to his father after all of this time.
Good luck!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
GG, interesting wacky coincidences... but two thoughts came to mind. First, of course contact the xh since he has reached out to you and that took some serious effort on his part Maybe he's sick and dying or making amends...who cares? Even if you have NO interest, your son deserves the chance to hear his father's words...
Ironically, you hesitiate to return the contact from your xh when it must have taken a lot to get him to reach out to you and his/your son after all these years...yet you obsess about your present (but AWOL at Christmas) h finally returning one of your several messages, calls or texts, AND then not leaving a message. Now you want to CALL HIM??? I'm sorry but I don't get it. What happened to "no expectations"? What happened to "zero pressure"?
It's Christmas and he's hiding from his own kids and wife, and it isn't the first time. He's in a hole. Don't go digging for him. As for the kids, what have you been telling them all this time? I mean, why would they expect him to be there if he has missed 4 in a row? For them, this is "normal". He's too busy this year, or can't make it, or whatever....but he loves them and sends his best and if there are any presents from the "both" of you, great. The thing is, they're looking at YOU to see if Christmas really is okay this year, or if it's going to stink again b/c daddy hurt mommy's feelings...remember that the feeling a child gets when a lonely parent commits suicide is that the child feels as if his own welfare wasn't enough of a reason for the LBSer to go on...and in a way, it's the same when LBSers show their kids that the hurt they feel from the WAS outweighs all the love and joy and importance their children provide...
Let your h go for now and be with your children. Please stop thinking of him and get the STOP SIGN out so you don't keep obsessing. He's an alien and he's not on the same planet right now. IF you see him this holiday, so what? Be pleasant, and do as Snodderly suggests. HE missed out, not you!!
Make sense? Where the head goes, the heart will follow. Get your head on straight about this and your heart will be in alignment, with time and God's help.
I hope your contact with your son's father goes well. Listen to what he has to say. If he just wants to make amends, accept them and let it go. THAT man has lost a great deal as has your son.
I don't want to carp too much on this, but I have to ask, what happened with your first M that there'd be NO contact between the father and son? Is there any similarity between the men you chose to marry? What role do you think you played in either or both M's issues? Hey, no one here is blaming, just looking for solutions and patterns that we can identify.
Any 180's or new "traditions"? Sounds like the sistah time is a good one...
In the meantime, good luck with the XH's contact and your s20...I'm praying for it to be a healing, enlightening experience. I am NOT suggesting you tell h of this, but it'd be very interesting to know HIS reaction when he learns....oh well, la dee dah.. (( j )0
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
OMG OMG OMG I had just finished a shower and had a robe on and drying my hair. Sis was on the bed watching TV and in walks h. We were in shock. H says hi and gives my sis a nice long hug.
I gave him a nice hug and a kiss and said hi h thanks for coming. We had a nice visit. Enjoyed a few snacks and opened a few gifts with the kids.
H seemed to be in good spirits. When he left he said goodnight and that on Christmas day he was going to sleep all day, so not to expect him. He said enjoy the kids and that he would be back on Fri to take my sis to the airport.
For now, I will consider myself blessed to have h here for a few brief hours. We had prayed all day that he would show and God answered our prayers.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
25 yrs my ex-h was an alcoholic, drug addict, and was verbally and physically abusive. I had a restraining order against him and it was a life and m that I needed to leave behind. I chose not to keep in touch with him because of what I just mentioned.
My current h does not drink, do drugs, nor does he smoke, and has never been verbally or physically abusive. They are night and day.
Now I had control issues in both M's and maybe somewhat bossy, but I am working on that. I have a very dominant personality.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
It was nice of your husband to make an appearance and that it was nice.
Today, enjoy it with the kids and your sister.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
