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#1672423 12/12/08 08:46 PM
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swashy Offline OP
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Well I see a few familiar people on here. I haven't been on in a while. Probably only a handul of posts over the last year. So if you don't know me - hi, I'm Scott and I lived on the boards for about a year and a half.

Today it became official. I am Divorced. It has been the most trying and sometimes rewarding 2 years and 4 months of my life. I have gained so much through this website that I thought it only appropriate to come back on today.

It hasn't been easy but I am at peace with it. She came by yesterday to get some of the kids stuff and I realized that it was the first in I don't know how long that we have been alone in a room together. And although somewhat sad, I looked at her and felt nothing. It's almost hard to believe we were together for so long.

I still carry some bitterness for what she did to me. But I'm slowly learning to deal with it. I'll get there.

My R with my kids is ten fold what it was before. And I clearly see her being a better mother too. She is still with the guy she left me for and has brought him into my children's lives. Had Thanksgiving with him etc. That has probably been almost as hard to deal with as her leaving me. But...again...with each day it gets easier. I know I can't control it so I do my best to focus on my life and my R with them.

I have dated my fair share of wonderful ladies over the course of the last year and a half. One being an amazing woman from these very boards. All of which has taught me a lot about myself, helped me grow as well as heal. It's amazing how much damage a bad M can do to ones self worth.

I've come to realize how good of a guy I am. How much I do offer to others. I've learned to express myself and my feelings far better than I ever have before. I've learned to listen. I've learned patience. However, I've also learned that I am certainly not perfect and that this life is a journey. A jouney where you need to learn and grow. And that at the end of this journey, it is the things you pick up along the way that make all the difference.

Tonight some very good friends who have stood by me through thick and thin are taking me out on the town to celebrate this new begining....although it is, in reality, already begun.

I thank all of the wonderful people who have stood by me on here and who have helped me. I really have no idea where I would be today without you. Amazing really.

If you are still trying to save your M. God bless you. And I hope you do. And I hope you are happy in the end. If you have given up the fight and trying to find your way, please have faith that at the end of the day life is what you make if it. It is a gift. Enjoy it because you only get one shot at it.

I wish you all love, peace and happiness.
Scott
PS: my laptop died and I'm doing this from my phone so sorry about typos, etc. ;\)


Scott: 38
X: 39
M: 13yrs D: 12/12/08
S9, D8, S6
MLC/EA/PA
Bomb: 8/10/06 S: 01/07 Asked for D: 05/07 Mediation 07/07

"And when all's been said and done
It's the things that are given, not won
Are the things that you want"
- Gomez; See the World
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Scott..

Someone who posts such a heartfelt message from his phone has to be incredible.

To new beginnings and continued growth.

*hugs*

Joined: Dec 2007
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Beautiful post Scott. Thank you so much for sharing your insight. Those of us who haven't been on this journey as long as you have appreciate your view. Don't be a stranger!


T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!

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swashy Offline OP
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thank you both! \:\) gypsy - the four agreements is good stuff that has helped me a lot! Stick with it!


Scott: 38
X: 39
M: 13yrs D: 12/12/08
S9, D8, S6
MLC/EA/PA
Bomb: 8/10/06 S: 01/07 Asked for D: 05/07 Mediation 07/07

"And when all's been said and done
It's the things that are given, not won
Are the things that you want"
- Gomez; See the World
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,518
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Scott, what a nice post. Obviously this has been a long journey, one you hoped you'd never have to take. Those of us just starting down the D path appreciate your insight.
Hope you enjoy your evening with friends. Peace. Goldey
p.s. impressive all was done on a phone!

Last edited by goldeylox; 12/12/08 10:37 PM.

Me:44, WAW hx bi-polar H:48, hx of abuse
S:22, S:19, D:16
Filed Oct 08, dismissed
Filed again Jan 10, dismissed
Now Piecing
alter persona: SuperBoots
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Swashy, my friend and my brother, what a long a amazing road this has been.

I look back at our time together and where we stand today and am so damn proud of you and the growing that you have done.

I know you, I know this is not how you saw things ending up and I know that inside today hurts no matter how you feel about her today.

I weep for your loss today of your ideals and your vows that you went into your marriage with being gone. For that I am so sorry.

At the same time I rejoice, yes this Jew said rejoice. I rejoice because thanks to our wives/exwives I was blessed in that I found you.

For over 2 years...not 1.5 you and Ty have been my saving grace. I honestly believe that the 3 of us will have a bond for the rest of our lives that will never be broken.

So on the day of the death of your marriage, and the rebirth of your freedom I can only say to you that I am very proud of you. I love you and while our marriages have failed, the three of us are the other type of success story that this website speaks of.

I am honored to be your friend and please know that you have been in my thoughts all day today. I do know what today means to you, I do know where you are today and yet how this still feels, and I do know that you deserve so much better than what you had and will get it.

Have fun tonight and I really wish circumstances were different and I could have been there with you.

You are an incredible man, an amazing friend, and as far as I am concerned the best brother a guy could have.......


Ian


M- 48
XW- mentally 17
KIDS- 3- S19, D23, D28
Married- 17 years
Divorce final- 10/16/09

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((((swashy))))


Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7
Bomb 1 10/07/06
Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15
Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07
Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate
2/08 slowly improving
7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!)
Current thread
NikB #1672786 12/13/08 12:37 PM
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Oh Swashy I'm so sorry (((((Swashy)))))

You have been a rock to me, you've called me down off the ledge a few times and even though we've never met you're one of my good friends.

I followed your sitch, helping where I could, snapping your thong (hee hee) and supporting you. You did everything you could to save your M but it wasn't to be. But you can be proud of yourself. You tried. You didn't give in to anger and bitterness (even though you do feel them), you took it all on the chin and worked darned hard. I awlays say there is nothing wrong with feeling angery or bitter, it's how you deal with the feeling that counts.

I'm glad to hear that your friends were taking you out on the town and i hope you had a great night. Keep them close to you, lean on them if you need to. You CAN get through this, time is a great healer.

Ian is right as well .... to me you ARE a success story. you've come through and listed positives, you have hope for the future. You are a great guy. it's wonderful that your R with the kids has improved.

This is a new beginning. One door has closed, and another opens ... go find it and go through it. Enjoy life, take the happiness that is out there ready and waiting. And take care of yourself

(((((Swashy)))))


Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05
Seperated Sept/Oct 05
Oct 06 - H recomitted
July 11 - I am now a WAW.
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swashy Offline OP
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Please forgive me if this is more brief than it deserves to be...still on my phone. ;\)

Ian and Jen...thank you so much for the incredibly kind words. I think my respect and admirations for both of you as well as so many others on here goes without saying. It was with the love and support from all of you that I managed to find myself again through this process. I thank you and love you for that.

Last night was most certainly a night of celebration. Good food, beers, cigars (late night entertainment) were had and enjoyed.

I am truly at peace with my M ending. Please don't be sad for me. Yes I had hoped that she would at one point step up and live up to her vows to try and fix what was so badly broken. However, in the end she proved that she was simply not capable of it. And that is ok. Not everyone is. However, I do know that, should I chose to, I do deserve to spend the rest of my life with someone who is capable.

In the meantime I will enjoy whatever life points my way.

It's all good my friends! Very, very good. ;\)


Scott: 38
X: 39
M: 13yrs D: 12/12/08
S9, D8, S6
MLC/EA/PA
Bomb: 8/10/06 S: 01/07 Asked for D: 05/07 Mediation 07/07

"And when all's been said and done
It's the things that are given, not won
Are the things that you want"
- Gomez; See the World
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 5,643
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Mr. Swashy,

I can see why Sally M enjoys being your friend.

I am sorry that your marriage ended, but so glad you have healed and can move forward. And I especially love that you and your wife has become even better parents (minus the introduction of OM on your wife's part. Blecky).

Take care and enjoy yourself!

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