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Considering how much you have been giving her, I think keeping more for yourself is totally fine. Especially since you have two of the kids with you a lot of the time. That wasn't in your budget, so adjust fire accordingly.

Not sure if your state works on the status quo thing, but that is a factor you should consider. Considering the nearly ridiculous amounts of money you two make (IMHO as a broke student LOL) it seems to me it shouldn't be a problem for her to pay for some of her own stuff too.


Michelle - Proud DR Rockette
S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09
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FL,

Some things are fair, some things are not. When it comes down to reality, divorce is not. The bad thing about DB is we tend to think in terms of keeping our marriage together and do things that are not good for us or our kids going forward. Because we don't want to PO our STBX.

But when we come to the end, we realize (possibly late) that we also want to give our kids a good life. Before the D, it's never too late.

And that means two separate households.

So you must do what is best for your kids. It's what you have to do regardless of who gets PO'd. That is life after D.

Never wait too long.

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Oh yes...

And waiting costs money.. lots and lots of money. My ex spouse racked up another $70K on top of the $65K he previously spent. It's amazing that we have to divide the total counsel fees and each pay half. But that's the price of the learning curve on all levels.

One thing I learned was to listen to my lawyer and trust her. It took me a long time but as I sat at the defendant's table I wondered why I didn't.. couldn't .. do it sooner. The answer.. emotion, fear, panic. Just as in our marriage, it took the two of us to get where we were in our divorce.

Take the lead... but make sure you have a strong lawyer.. I can give you the names of the attorneys I know have strong reputations.

Good job on focusing on works for everyone, not just your spouse's wrath.

*hugs*

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Good morning, FLTC. I wish you a stress free weekend! When does D18 go back to college? Seems like it (and I'm too lazy to go back and read the old posts). It's about time for another Army weekend, isn't it? That always seems good for you.

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Thanks, ladies. I sent her my offer yesterday. Since it is just what the mediator recommended, I feel fine with it. It is a full $1400 less per month than I pay her now. Sorry, but as Happy said, that is the price of divorce. She tried to make me feel guilty about offering college money that is half the tuition of the University of CT, saying D18's college is much more expensive. Oh well, UCONN is a great school!

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What has your wife offered YOU????? Doesn't she make a good salary? Does she have a retirement plan? You get half of that, too, don't forget. (maybe subtracting from half of yours or whatever. Even if it's just on paper it does count!!!)

My ex was adamant about not putting the college fee in the divorce settlement. He said he was willing to pay, but didn't know about his job situation and didn't want it to be court mandated. Not sure how you feel about that (or what your lawyer says).

When is your next meeting with the mediator? We will want to give you extra moral support at that time!!!!

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FL,

I urge you to get a lawyer familar in military law.My ex didn't.I ended up getting 60% of his retirement.Of course it helped me that when the judge ordered him to give me 35 percent he cussed the Judge.(Don't do that!LOL)

Also something that you should do is go to every legal on every base.If she were to be told to do that you would not be able to go to them yourself.I know.Mine did that and I was blocked out.

I went for everything I could get my hands on.Of course mine left me with five kids at the time under 18.I needed everything I could get.I was a stay at home mom for the whole time we were together.

I still didn't fair as well as my lawyer told me I would.But I got what I could.

I'm not sure what the law is in your state.But in Florida the judge can grant up to 60 percent of military retirement.You might want to check into that.I don't think you deserve to lose everything.Your a good father and you should be able to keep what you can.Your going to need it.

Later Friend
Briget


The grass is always greener over the septic tank... Erma Bombeck Treat hate with Love... DR. Martin Luther King
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Haven't looked at the specific laws there but GENERALLY I would say this: Since his W has not been a SAHM the whole time and has her own retirement, the standard in most states is split each 50-50. Her share of his can cancel out his share of hers though, or at least reduce the amount she might be able to try and claim. He can also buy her out now instead of waiting til he retires.


Michelle - Proud DR Rockette
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Or.. based on my personal experience..

You've been giving her a free ride of a lifetime.

Lawyers can only counsel, not tell you what to do. Ask him/her point blank what is the standard allocation, what is appropriate for you.. and go from there.

Saying you had bad legal advice and/or weren't thinking straight does NOT stop the court from seeing costs that you supported and viewing them as the norm.

The standard of living drastically changes with divorce. The consequences start now. Fairfield County children lose more advantages in a grounding that most kids have in their day to day life.

You Know You Are From Fairfield, Connecticut When...


*You have hiked up a golf course at least once to get to a keg party.

*You never went to a bar in high school.

*The fact that the Merritt and the Hutch were the same highway but named differently just because they are in two different states makes perfect sense to you.

*You thought no one could buy beer after 8 PM.

*You think New Jersey is a toxic waste dump.

*You party on the beach of Long Island Sound.

*You've drive to New York...just to buy beer.

*You have deer in your backyard.

*Your family owns more than one house.

*At least one parent works in New York City. They take the train.

*You know the crucial difference between SoNo and SoHo.

*Your high school has won the State Championship in soccer and/or lacrosse, and/or Ice Hockey (girls and guys) and/or Football several years in a row.

*You have taken riding lessons at the towns Riding Club.

*In high school you drank outside, regularly.

*You still don't understand why people say that Connecticut is the richest state.

*The diner is the only place open after midnight.

*You have at least 10 friends who drive Jeeps.

*You root for all or most of the New York sports teams.

*Anybody asks, you're from just outside of New York.

*You've never looked at a public bus schedule. You would also never get on one.

*You know girls and guys that have the same names.

*You think Bridgeport is the worst ghetto you've ever seen.

*You spend the summer on Cape Cod, in Nantucket or Marthas Vineyard.

*When you go to a real city, you sincerely feel bad for the poor/homeless people.

*The cars in your high school's parking lot were worth more than your high school.

*You were pissed that your sixteenth birthday car was a new sedan instead of an SUV.

*You never really went on a "real date" in high school.

*You know what Okemo is (and you or a friend owns a house there).

*You grew up wondering where the old cars in the parking lot at the grocery store came from.

*You found it easy to drink college seniors under the table within the first week of college.

*You don't have an accent.

*You know how to play Beruit, and how it differs from Beer Pong.

*You have more than one country club in your town.

*You're a Russo sister, sun or moon

*Your high school sent more than 10 kids to Boston College.

*You get pissed at anyone that doesnt know how to drive in the snow.

*You consider Fairfield County and the rest of Connecticut two different states.


Think about it. Last week my daughter learned what generic foods are and helped shop for them. Not a bad thing to know.

*hugs*

I got the list after doing a search on Facebook for Fairfield County groups. It's amazing how many of them are focused on being drunk.

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LOL I'm sure that would make more sense to me if I knew where any of those places were or had any experience with country clubs, but damn funny!


Michelle - Proud DR Rockette
S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09
http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
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