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Hope4us Offline OP
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Locked another one.

Previous thread.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1657326&page=2&fpart=1

Didn't realized I'd locked up. Guess that's some form of detaching huh?

Did my Christmas party last night. And it was weird. I was more uncomfortable than I think W was. It was just hard being there knowing that a number of the people who work for me know what has gone on, not because I've told them, but because they figured it out on their own. I can see now why W would be apprehensive in her own right.

But W performed her bosses W's duties quite well. She hasn't seen any of the people who work for me in over almost two years so I was introducing her to the guys and she was just fine. She went outside a number of times with the smokers group, one of which is my admin, and they always came back in laughing, smiling, etc.

W was helping me with the head waitress and the budget we had for the party, was even doing some things that showed me she was glad she was there.

After the party broke up I asked W if she wanted to go have a drink at this little tavern near our house and she told me she was really tired as she'd had a long day at work so we came home. S16 had gone to the H.S. basketball game and then to a friends house. So W and I just sat and talked for a bit. At one point she was just staring down at the floor, obviously deep in thought, but what those thoughts are, who knows, but I know, not for me to worry about. On my way to bed I told her thanks for going with me and that I'd had a good time and she didn't really say anything.

It was all so normal it was scary.


Hope4us

Me - 49, W 49
S22 & S18
Dday 9/4/07
W claims NC 4/7/08
8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
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What did you say to her when you noticed her staring at the floor?

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Really ont know your whole situation,but thought I add some of my thoughts to this.My wife also does this sometimes act all normal but then I guess realize what she doing and if I make a gesture lets do something. No I am too tired but thanks. It is weired its like they want to be with you but are fighting it.
As of when she stares and eem she is in deep thought. Maybe tell her i had a real good time with you tonite. reminded me why I married you n the first place. Well have a good night and you know the rill end th conversation and keep her thinking.
I think its the small things we say sometimes that make them think and wonder.Especially if its all we say. I figured that out with my wife instead of talking in circles say one sentence and let it simmer. It usually gets a good response. What do you think of that? Maybe you can let me know more of your situation.

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hope,

Glad all went well last night.. I just wish she could freakin muster out.. I wanted to go with you... or something of that nature.

All in all you sound upbeat..

\:\)


me: 37
H: 44
Married for 18 years this june
S7
S3
porn issues, and much more... since 7/06

Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
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Originally Posted By: InLikeFlynn
What did you say to her when you noticed her staring at the floor?


Nothing. I was just a quiet observer.


Hope4us

Me - 49, W 49
S22 & S18
Dday 9/4/07
W claims NC 4/7/08
8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
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Originally Posted By: tiredandlost
hope,

Glad all went well last night.. I just wish she could freakin muster out.. I wanted to go with you... or something of that nature.

All in all you sound upbeat..

\:\)


Thanks TAL. It really didn't bother me too much. Most times I take her not responding like that as good. It's like I KNOW she had a good time so I didn't need a response. And her not responding and also the looking down at the floor were GOOD things as it shows me she's really conflicted and is really thinking.

Today has been GREAT. We went shopping for Christmas decorations, bought some stationary to print the invites to our open house, stopped at another little shop, had a cup of coffee and bought some more Christmas decorations. Came home and put some of them up, W made the invites and printed them out and we've been watching football since. W just took S16 to the H.S. for a concert.

And she's been more like herself than I've seen since we were on vacation. I'm really wondering if my theory of her work location triggering her repeatedly is true. She's not been in her regular office for going on two weeks and she's just a different person.

She's still quite foggy, she's talking about refinancing our home mortgage, talked about getting some fall decorations for the house at this little shop near us, all ignoring the fact that she KNOWS I'm going to be transferred. She also talks about this temporary assignment becoming permanent and how nice that would be. So is her mind just not letting her face the reality that we'll be moving in late May at the latest?

Not going to worry about that. Just enjoying having a normal W around the house.

Tomorrow W is going shopping for a dress for her Christmas party and I'm going to get a new pair of pants, shirt and tie and do some grocery shopping. Then I'll see if S16 wants to go out and watch some NFL football for a while.

I'll check in tomorrow.


Hope4us

Me - 49, W 49
S22 & S18
Dday 9/4/07
W claims NC 4/7/08
8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
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Well, the night just kept getting better and better. When W got home from dropping S16 off she sat down and went through all of her cookbooks looking for things she/we could make for the open house. And talked and talked and talked.

At one point I asked her something about work and she told me to look at it on her division's website so I grabbed my laptop, signed on and pulled the site up. She came over and sat VERY close to me, kept leaning in showing me stuff on the site, etc. This went on for quite a while. At one point I'd hit the 'back' button and the site didn't respond so I hit it again. And THEN it responded, went 'back' two pages and guess what was the site I was on prior to the company website? Yep. DB. Luckily, when the page pulled up it wasn't at the top of the page, but in the middle with all the forum lists so she wouldn't have been able to know what site it was prior to me hitting the 'home' button really quick, but who knows? If she was really quick and looked in the address line she sure could know where I've been spending some time online.

But it didn't seem to phase her. She got up and went out and fixed something to eat and came back and sat right down where she had been sitting and there was even more body contact with her leaning in etc. This went on for another good while. Man, it was everything I could do to not just grab her and throw her back on the couch, but I didn't. She finally got up and moved to her normal seat on the sectional couch and a short time later I told her I was tired and went to bed.

I'm sure hoping that my 'detachment' last night makes her want me, but not counting on it. Just going to enjoy the day, have a good time doing my shopping and watching the Steelers kick the Cowboys butts!


Hope4us

Me - 49, W 49
S22 & S18
Dday 9/4/07
W claims NC 4/7/08
8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
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Hope,

^bumping you up^.. how are you?


me: 37
H: 44
Married for 18 years this june
S7
S3
porn issues, and much more... since 7/06

Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
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How are you doing? Are you continuing to feel progress? My fingers are crossed tight for you.

Kat


Me-53(and learning!)
S24, S21, D18, D17
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
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Haven't posted for a while. Hasn't been much to post about.

We continue to get along great, but there in lies the (latest)problem.

I NEED more from her.

Last night was W's work Christmas party. We had a lot of fun and there were a number of further postivie signs. W had bought a new dress for the party and she looked GREAT. Ok, TOTALLY FRICKIN HOT! And I told her so a number of times through out the evening and she responded with smiles, etc so I know she appreciated it. She wore the pearl necklace we got her at Disney and...wait for it....the diamond tennis bracelet I got her when we renewed our wedding vows 10 years ago! Still no rings, but I thought the bracelet was a GREAT sign.

But there were a number of things that happened and things I observed last night that really bothered me.

I know a number of people W works with, both from my work relationships with them and people I knew who I used to work with in our old location. With those two groups of people, W was fine, talkative, all of us in the conversations.

But with the people I didn't know from her work, she was DIFFERENT. A number of them she didn't even introduce me to them while talking to them. A couple others introduced themselves to me and W would say "Oh, yeah, this is H4U" (never mentioning I was her H). It was like she didn't want anyone who didn't know me to know she was married. It was like I was her 'date'. She was talking to this one lady about some stuff we'd done last weekend and W kept saying "I" did this, "I" did that while in reality WE had done it together. I called her on it a couple times (not about not acknowledging I was her H, but about not introducing me) and she apologized (bout lost my dentures when she apologized). It was like she's got this work persona that is so DIFFERENT from her true self. It was just amazing to listen to her talk to her new friend M. M is a nice person, but is just not someone that W would normally be friends with. Again, she's nice, but listening to W talk to her it was like W had to change herself to (and I hope this doesn't sound mean) dumb down to M's level.

It was like W would be one person with me and the people I already knew and a totally different person with the people I didn't know. And it was very evident to me that she really doesn't enjoy them because shortly after dinner was over and we'd talked to a few people that W said she was ready to go. But not because she was done with the evening as she asked if I wanted to go to the little tavern down the road from us, so we did.

Sat there the rest of the evening, having a good time, got S16 some carry out and came home.

So back to the needing more from her. I just feel like we'll stay in this limbo land forever. It's really not bad the way things are now. It's like we're just really good friends. Get along great, spend lots of time together. W has asked me a number of times this last week to do things with her that she could do alone or with M or EGF.

I know there are a whole lot of people on this board that would kill to be where I am. And if I trust that DB really works, us being the friends we are now is just a step on the ladder to us putting our relationship back together. But I'm just not sure I can be patient enough to last as long as it takes for her to get to the next level. I don't want to be her "friend". I want to be her HUSBAND.


Hope4us

Me - 49, W 49
S22 & S18
Dday 9/4/07
W claims NC 4/7/08
8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
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