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Hey TxMom, How are you doing? How are you feeling nowadays? Coping well?

Superstar, I totally agree with you regarding men needing approval from the women in their lives. I have recently learn this from reading. Thanks for the confirmation. I know it's crazy that they wreck all this havoc and now seeks approval!! WTH? So what is TXMom or I or other females out there supposed to do? Give them approval to screw around on us? Say it's OK when it's not and hope they come back because we give them approval? Or stand up to them and say 'No way' and really screw up any future chances because now our men feel more rejected than ever? From you male point of view, are there any other options you care to share with us??


Me:39
H:40
S:9
D:7
First Bomb ONS:June 07
Second Bomb OW: March 08
Separated: March 08
M:15 yrs
T:18 yrs
H deep into A with OW
Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09

'Yes, I can.'
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 1,108
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Hope you are well.


M42
S12/D9
T17/M12
Bomb 1 3/22/06
Bomb 2 7/11/08
Bomb 3 7/31/08
W Filed 8/1/08
D granted 12/17/08
D Finalized 1/29/09

A man who compromises his principles never had them in the first place.
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TxMom, are you working hard so just feeling low and not posting? Keep in touch so we can listen. Vent here :-)


Me:39
H:40
S:9
D:7
First Bomb ONS:June 07
Second Bomb OW: March 08
Separated: March 08
M:15 yrs
T:18 yrs
H deep into A with OW
Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09

'Yes, I can.'
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 372
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thanks guys,,,,

I have been busy and needing the break from my "crisis" and talking about it all the time... I have turned another chapter and I feel that this marriage is over ... don't get me wrong I love and miss my husband but I just feel in my heart that this is not going to get better...the door is cracked. But maybe I'm just really detaching, and feeling good about it. I can see a glimmer of light and hope that I'll be just fine without him.

H has the girls this weekend and his Mom is coming to town... I'm going to dinner with him and girls tomorrow and will probably see his Mom Sunday for lunch or church (she hasn't been up since my youngest baptism at 3months old) ... I've just decided that I don't want to be without my girls all weekend when it is not my weekend so I asked if H was ok with us getting together at some point and he said yes.

No D filed yet but I'm sure he will this month.... good news is OW must not be pushing him for D...

I will stop by this weekend and check on everyone else... hope all is well.


Me: 38/H:40
M:7yrs
TG: 10yrs
2Girls: 4yr & 7 month old
Bomb 8/22/08
OW/EA/PA 8/23/08 with 25yr old
Moved out 9/22/08

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1631985&page=2#Post1631985

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Hey Txmom, glad you checked in. You do sound so much stronger then when we started this. See how it plays out and see how you feel. The good news is that he has not served you yet. I got served on Monday. Not what I want but I am dealing. Need to make final decision on atty. give me a call or e-mail. Praying for your family


Me 53
H 50
D16, D29
M 22 years
bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H
8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also
bomb II - H moves 10/1
expose ow 10/22
D to be final 9-09
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Hello everyone.. I'm only on once or twice a week now so sorry for not checking in as often ....

Well my H filed for Divorce last week, Feb 10th ... I haven't gotten served or any paper work from him yet. I'm actually ok with it.... I'm more fearful where me and my baby girls will live... and how financially I'll end up. We just bought our house little over year ago so no equity in a horrible housing market. Nice

I don't know my H anymore, he continues to surprise me with his actions... I am done with him and this marriage.. not sure I even have the door cracked ... today, at least, I don't. I think by the time this D is final and if we have to move and lose all our money we put into our house I will be working on all the anger and hate that I will have for him for financially ruining me... but one day at a time right...

I know I will still have a lot of pain trying to get through this.. still can't believe this is happening at times.. can't believe he seems so OK with all of it and that he is not having any pain.... so selfish

I have so much anger and hate right now I don't know how to rid it out of my body.... it is toxic and I hate feeling this way..

more updates to come


Me: 38/H:40
M:7yrs
TG: 10yrs
2Girls: 4yr & 7 month old
Bomb 8/22/08
OW/EA/PA 8/23/08 with 25yr old
Moved out 9/22/08

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1631985&page=2#Post1631985

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Hey, TxMom, we all get those days. Some days I love my H and want him back, the next I am filled with venom and want him out of my life. It's frustrating to go back and forth, I guess that's what they mean by roller coaster. I know you have your hands full with work and the girls, but can you fit in more exercise to keep your endorphins flowing? I know tennis has helped me quit a lot. How about a counsellor, anyone else you can talk to in order to get things off your chest?

Don't think he is not having any pain. He is having tons of pain, he is just trying to escape the pain with Ow, rather than dealing with it. Don't worry, it will catch up to him one day. You, on the other hand, is dealing with it now so you won't have any baggage in the future. If you decide to move onto another R in the future, you would be free to do so, an understanding of yourself and a strong mind and spirit. Your H, on the other hand, would be ridden with guilt, doom himself to escape any problems and just repeat the same patterns with new OW's if he doesn't look inward to solve these issues.

You can't control how he lives his life, it's time for you to put yourself first. Take care.


Me:39
H:40
S:9
D:7
First Bomb ONS:June 07
Second Bomb OW: March 08
Separated: March 08
M:15 yrs
T:18 yrs
H deep into A with OW
Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09

'Yes, I can.'
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 724
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Posts: 724
tx Mom, hugs to you and your girls. You know I am sorry that H is being a fool and leaving you and your little family.

Do you have an atty? I think I might have a name for you if you need it. Since we are in a community property state you need to prove adultery so you can get a fairer share of your assets. H was not fair to you so you need to protect yourself.

I know the anger bubbling up. Right now I am in just a funk state. I don't know why everything is hitting me again. Maybe because I have not been no contact with H, I think it is making me miss my old H. sad.


Me 53
H 50
D16, D29
M 22 years
bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H
8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also
bomb II - H moves 10/1
expose ow 10/22
D to be final 9-09
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 2,556
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{{{Tx}}} You know that is more right now what I struggle with than the hub leaving is the financial uncertainty and what we are going to do, my son, daughter, and I. My mom talks about all of the time that is very healthy to be angry and she actually thinks I have not gotten angry enough yet LOL..tho I HAVE had my moments..but I think, knowing you from your posts, you won't stay in that spot..but I hear you and I told my hub when he left the other night that the door is so less open than it was and I dunno if I could go that route..not that it seems to even be an option..who are these aliens who walk around in our spouses' bodies anyway?? LOL

I hope you are doing well and know that I am thinking of you..sorry I haven't posted to you as much as I should!! {{TX}}}

Tawnya


Me:39
H:40
D18/S12
M20/T21
Bomb 10/11/08
One
Two
Three
Four


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Hello everyone.... boy I have been out of touch.. I do email a few of you individually but haven't been on much in regards to my thread...

Some updates -here you go.. not sure what to think if anything really.

Two or three weeks ago the night before I was leaving for Cancun my H had a break down so to speak.. called me crying and it went something like this.

H - "I'm sorry for hurting you so badly", you didn't deserve it, you didn't do anything to me and you weren't mean to me.. I can't change the past and all the pain and hurt I've cause you and so many people. (he is crying through this) he said he is not looking for forgiveness from me, he isn't telling me this just b/c I'm leaving for Cancun or to make his pain any better. He doesn't know how it happened but it just happened. He said I don't know if we were meant to be together for eternity or not ... we were both crying 40 mins later we hang up.

Next Morning he comes over 6am so I can leave for airport.. he hugs me the biggest bear hug, kisses me, won't let go and is saying he is sorry again... we both kiss on the cheek. When I'm about to leave he is laying with our 4yr old in bed. I lean over to hug and kiss her (lean over him) he puts arm around me and won't let me get up and is rubbing my back etc...

Later that day he text me - saying he wants to coach our D4 soccer team that he won't let her down like he has so many others... then he texts that he is jealous and wishes he was there (meaning Cancun) and ends with "everyone misses you" second time since he left where he is trying to tell me his misses me ( I know him well enough)

Fast forward to last week - My DB coach told me to make sure I acknowledge how the convo above made me feel so he'll feel good about giving it again.. that he thinks he is a screw up and our marriage isn't fixable (he has said this before too) .. So I talk to him last week tell him how much it meant to me for him to open up, call me when he is feeling the pain, and not blaming me or the marriage for what happened. We talked for an hour on so many subjects - too much to put here.. just mentioned that I want him to find his truth in all this... what does he want out of life, "big picture" and I also touched on counseling as he mentioned a few people have told him he should go to individual counseling... I asked him what he is so afraid of? that it can only help him sort through some stuff... my H is ADD and has never been treated and through my DB coach have realized most of our marriage communication breakdown was due to this... I encouraged him to go for this reason alone...

Bottom line - he isn't ready to look at himself ... we talked D stuff and I shared with him that the OW will not be around our babies while they are little and that I hope he just takes some time with making decisions about his future and puts his girls first.. he cried some in regards to our girls. He is a very sentitive man and acknowledge the first 3 months he left are blurry to him and I told him he acted like a crazy man.. that I appreciate him stepping up now with the kids. He mentions numerous times how hard and painful this is for him too ... I finally asked him if this has been so hard for him why does he continue down this path and why he hasn't made any other choices.. he didn't have an answer for this.

One minute I'm done with this marriage and couldn't take him back and next minute I just wish I could say we tried everything for the sake of our girls before we throw in the towel for good... I really believe that if my H was willing to address his ADD and self esteem issues like I"ve address my faults in this marraige we'd have a great marriage and life together.. but I can't make him willing...

He thinks this OW is his answer and that they'll get married ( I know this through her facebook page) he doesn't tell me any of this but I know he wouldn't have just walked out of our marriage without any sign of being unhappy unless he thought this OP was his future... amazing that he could actually marry her - ugh...

He filed for D Feb 10th and nothing has happened since. Today I still want to work on this marriage but know I need to face reality that my H wants a Divorce... so hard to except...

My DB coach says he is breaking down a little now and the regrets will continue to increase if he is already feeling this way now... future is unknown.... I have to take it day by day...


Me: 38/H:40
M:7yrs
TG: 10yrs
2Girls: 4yr & 7 month old
Bomb 8/22/08
OW/EA/PA 8/23/08 with 25yr old
Moved out 9/22/08

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1631985&page=2#Post1631985

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