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A Message from Michele
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Re: TxMom - how to get through the pain #3 post [Re: TxMomw/2girls] #1683156
12/30/08 12:34 PM
12/30/08 12:34 PM
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 714
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PositivelyMommy Offline
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PositivelyMommy  Offline
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Posts: 714
TxMom, it's always the surprises that get me. Like the lawyer charge or the weekends away all of a sudden. We all need stability right now is this awful situation and every surprise is like a punch in the stomach. You will need a couple of days to recover but believe me, you will recover. So just keep your cool, don't think about it too much. If he brings it up just agree with him and catch him off guard. As in, "yes, you are absolutely right, we should get a D. That is the best for us." Then in actuality stall, stall, stall.


Me:39
H:40
S:9
D:7
First Bomb ONS:June 07
Second Bomb OW: March 08
Separated: March 08
M:15 yrs
T:18 yrs
H deep into A with OW
Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09

'Yes, I can.'
Re: TxMom - how to get through the pain #3 post [Re: PositivelyMommy] #1684378
12/31/08 08:10 PM
12/31/08 08:10 PM
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 372
Dallas Texas
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TxMomw/2girls Offline OP
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TxMomw/2girls  Offline OP
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T
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 372
Dallas Texas
I'm feeling little weird today... NYE I guess... having some friends and neighbors over tonight at my house ... should be nice to spend a few hours with friends....

I am having my first DB coach session Friday with Jodi at 5pm... I figured I'd give this one last shot as I H talked about filing in January.. also I think filing and him getting into the D role might help things for him....

still can't believe this is really all happening somedays ... I pray to God to help me stop hoping and start detaching if that is what is meant to be. I need and want to be OK with Divorcing him and I want to want it but I'm not anywhere near that yet....

Happy New Year all


Me: 38/H:40
M:7yrs
TG: 10yrs
2Girls: 4yr & 7 month old
Bomb 8/22/08
OW/EA/PA 8/23/08 with 25yr old
Moved out 9/22/08

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1631985&page=2#Post1631985

Re: TxMom - how to get through the pain #3 post [Re: TxMomw/2girls] #1686756
01/04/09 08:17 AM
01/04/09 08:17 AM
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 724
H
hope3343 Offline
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hope3343  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 724
TX Mom {{{{hugs}}}}
Well we made it through the holidays. My girls had a tough time when we were back east to visit. They really felt the void without their father. It was tough on Christmas Eve, it was like ghost of Christmas past. I expected H to be around every corner.
I am glad that your girls enjoyed the holiday with their father.
How did you do on New Year's. Mine was really sad. My oldest D took meto the casino. My H has been in Las vegas this week with the Ow. I think he too is going to serve me with D. I am very sad and discouraged. Between the OW, drinking and spending money like crazy I don't know what to do.
I am praying and trying to keep the faith. I hope that our Hs have an awakening in the future. As you know in Tx a divorce could be done in as little as 2 months. I am going to try and slow this process down if it comes to it because I worry my H will jump into another M with the OW. I know the OW really wants to get her hooks into him because she gave up a 4 year relationship with her BF. I worry about the future.
Take care. Let me know how your new year went


Me 53
H 50
D16, D29
M 22 years
bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H
8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also
bomb II - H moves 10/1
expose ow 10/22
D to be final 9-09
Re: TxMom - how to get through the pain #3 post [Re: hope3343] #1686907
01/04/09 04:35 PM
01/04/09 04:35 PM
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 2,556
NC
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Tawnya Offline
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Tawnya  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 2,556
NC
{{{Tx}}}} Just checking in and seeing how you are doing..hope your weekend is going okay.

How did your DB coaching go?

Tawnya


Me:39
H:40
D18/S12
M20/T21
Bomb 10/11/08
One
Two
Three
Four


Re: TxMom - how to get through the pain #3 post [Re: Tawnya] #1687347
01/05/09 07:48 AM
01/05/09 07:48 AM
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 1,108
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Little Engine Offline
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Little Engine  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 1,108
Thanks for checking on me! Hope '09 is great for all of us.


M42
S12/D9
T17/M12
Bomb 1 3/22/06
Bomb 2 7/11/08
Bomb 3 7/31/08
W Filed 8/1/08
D granted 12/17/08
D Finalized 1/29/09

A man who compromises his principles never had them in the first place.
Re: TxMom - how to get through the pain #3 post [Re: Little Engine] #1687486
01/05/09 04:06 PM
01/05/09 04:06 PM
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 59
Chicago Burbs
A
AllW8SBF Offline
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AllW8SBF  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 59
Chicago Burbs
Hey TXMOM, I just wanted to jump back on read your thread, and have seen some of Hope333's posts also and well looks like we are all in the same boat, want to take a cruise somewhere nice? H has told his p's yesterday he is filing and we are going to rent out our house or try to figure out what's best as that is concerned and he's going to see a divorce lawyer. I told him per my DB coach that we can divorce at any time, lets just separate and deal with the house and then maybe he can file. He says it sounds like you are still holding out.
In any case - I have been praying for you Hope, and T2L, oh and a new prayer partner Dixie. I am trying to hold on to faith but I have not heard a word in a while from God and think maybe the promise I thought I heard was my mind and not God. Ever feel that way?
I pray for our salvation, today, tomorrow and always.
Hugs girls we will make it - you have to, you have wonderful children who need you.


Jen
Me 32
H 35
Married 8yrs 3/11/2000 - Together 10 yrs
No Children

1st Bomb - 7/1999
2nd Bomb - 8/2004
3rd A - 10/2006
4th A & Bomb - 10/12/08

Done sweeping things under the rug, I need to start doing something...But what?
Re: TxMom - how to get through the pain #3 post [Re: AllW8SBF] #1687828
01/05/09 09:38 PM
01/05/09 09:38 PM
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 3,933
Tulsa
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S.T. _I Made It! Offline
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S.T. _I Made It!  Offline
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Posts: 3,933
Tulsa
I don't think, as a christian, we should ever be okay with divorcing, because it says, let no one break what God has brought together. Divorce is not what is suppose to happen, but sometimes sin enters in, and since we cannot control anyone but ourselves, well, that is why life can be hard.

Quote:
but my H honestly thinks or tells himself that we would have ended up Divorced eventually... that he was that unhappy... wouldn't I have been able to tell if my H was really that unhappy???


this I actually disagree with. yes, I do believe you knew your H, but really knowing if he was unhappy, well, sometimes the unhappy person doesn't even realize...until the think they've realized true happiness. and that, is usually a mirage. That is why that D's usually involve an A.

I didn't realize how unhappy I was until my H threw the bomb at me, and I was able to look at our sitch with open eyes.



sorry I've been gone, it's easy for me to lose threads.



Jen... God definitely gave you the promise of a saved M. He did not bind you together just for it to be broken. Keep your faith. the faith of a mustard seed can move mountains, Jesus said, and your mountain CAN be moved.


Me 33 H 34 S9 S3
M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs)
EA/PA 1/2006
DB 5/2006
H wants D 6/2006
H wants ME 8/2006
H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006
H erased OW off phone! 2/2007

"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Re: TxMom - how to get through the pain #3 post [Re: S.T. _I Made It!] #1688078
01/06/09 03:00 AM
01/06/09 03:00 AM
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 2,556
NC
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Tawnya Offline
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Tawnya  Offline
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Posts: 2,556
NC
I agree with ST..we HAVE to hold onto the promise of God, tho our spouses have a free will, but we have NO idea what God is doing in them and US actually thru all of this..

I HAVE to hold onto the fact that I still believe our marriage is going to survive and be amazing on the other side, even tho right now my hub's goal is to be moving out of our house by the end of this month..

{{{TX}}}}

Tawnya


Me:39
H:40
D18/S12
M20/T21
Bomb 10/11/08
One
Two
Three
Four


Re: TxMom - how to get through the pain #3 post [Re: Tawnya] #1688112
01/06/09 03:27 AM
01/06/09 03:27 AM
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 372
Dallas Texas
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TxMomw/2girls Offline OP
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TxMomw/2girls  Offline OP
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 372
Dallas Texas
Ladies,,

thanks for stopping by... I've been on and off lately... just can't find the time to jump on as much. ST (Crissy) I agree but I do feel that I need to start detaching more and leave the window cracked so to speak.

I am in a tough situation with Texas not having legal separation I feel I'm pinched financially with all the spending my H is doing and him not really feeling the affects of this seperation when he doesn't have to pay one bill. I have prayed and thought it over and had many good Christain friends share with me that I need to still keep the faith BUT I have to protect myself and my girls b/c my H is not looking out for our best interest. I know he will file this month and I'm just tossing up if I'm going to file first now ( I never thought I would until lately) I'm the only one caring about him in this whole mess and he could up and take money, remove me from insurance, and take OW on trips (all things he won't be able to do when you file.. it freezes all assests) I wish Tx had legal separation.. sucks. and I want to stall, stall, stall.

I also, believe that God has it all mapped out anyway as many of my fellow Christains have said. Doesn't he already know how this is going to end up so even if I file our my H does we can always stop it. I feel in my heart that my H will want to come home but I am now less certain that it will be anytime soon.... his affair has to run it's course and I do feel that a Divorce could be enough pressure to break them...

I talked to DB coach on Friday... it went better than thought. I'm going to work hard on my changes. It can't hurt right.

I'm torn and I will continue to pray about it...


Me: 38/H:40
M:7yrs
TG: 10yrs
2Girls: 4yr & 7 month old
Bomb 8/22/08
OW/EA/PA 8/23/08 with 25yr old
Moved out 9/22/08

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1631985&page=2#Post1631985

Re: TxMom - how to get through the pain #3 post [Re: TxMomw/2girls] #1688138
01/06/09 03:48 AM
01/06/09 03:48 AM
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 724
H
hope3343 Offline
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hope3343  Offline
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H
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 724
{{{hugs}}}} tx mom, I just posted on my sitch. Stop over and read. Feel we are in he same boat. My H is spending like crazy, drinking (but has no problem) and the list goes on.
He wants a D. I saw 2 L and will see a third this week. Your right we need to protect ourselves financially. Yes we love them, we pray for them to restore their souls and hearts to us under God's plan. But we do have to protect our families.

I think our Hs know that they can rack up the credit card debt and figure we are 1/2 responsibile. I have been looking at his charges and have made copies so if it goes to court I can show the reckless spending on the OW (vegas, SA, mexico all in a 2 month period, while we are trying to watch our bills.

Texas Divorce is pretty bad with the community property so you need to claim fault to cover yourself.

If it comes to D, we cannot stop it but I have read other sitch where D were final and the reconcillation came after.

God has a plan and someone told me that we are where we are supposed to be right now even if we don't agree.

Continue to pray for each other.


Me 53
H 50
D16, D29
M 22 years
bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H
8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also
bomb II - H moves 10/1
expose ow 10/22
D to be final 9-09
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