I read on a lot of the threads of wives with WAHs how the H has all this "pain" that they need to work through. It got me wondering whether I'm different or if these women have the wrong impression based upon how they perceive things. So, I wanted to see what other guys on here thought.
For me, if things are good in the marriage, I'm fine with everything. I don't dwell on past slights or hurts. I don't think negatively of my wife, even if during an argument I do. I just don't get the sense that guys hold on this "pain" inside and then walk away, as the women on here seem to indicate. Based on looking at this site for three years now, I'd say that when the guy starts talking about all the wife's faults and wanting to leave, there is almost always some other woman in the wings that they are using for comparison. I doubt they are thinking about a fight from two years ago...but maybe it's just me that has a short memory.
So how about it guys? Do you hold on to old grudges/fights and eventually that will make you snap?
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
I do think that some guys -- conflict-avoiders, classic "Nice Guys" -- can stuff their pain, and after avoiding conflict time and time again can one day snap.
But I don't think it has one whit to do with their infidelity, if that's what they've done.
I think most men who have affairs do so out of some combination of a sex-starved marriage and lack of respect and affirmation from their wife.
Over the summer my W had challenged me to come up with 5 things she did to hurt ME during our marriage...she said if I could she would forgive 20 of mine. It took me a WEEK of HARD thinking of our pre A R to come up with 9!! I don't really dwell on "chit" if you catch my drift
H 34 W 31 M 11yrs D 11 D 9
6-1-08 I wanted to fix marriage 6-11-08 I found out about OM
That's like me and what I'm talking about...keeping a list of past injuries just doesn't seem to be in many guys' nature. And it's so easy for women to throw how mightily they have suffered in the marriage, all the sacrifices they've made, and all the abuse they've taken because us guys seem to have a short memory of those things too.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
My wife, when she tried to justify her affair, kept talking about "having to stay home for 20 years and take care of the kids." Someone else pointed out to me that "a", that was what she WANTED to do, "b" ENJOYED doing, and that actually, I could just as easily say that it was MY hard work and "sacrifice" that allowed her to do what she'd always wanted to do.
My W actually used the word "sacrifice". She has givin everything...I was getting a free ride.
I 2nd this. Over past 2 weeks I have heard how much my w has "sacrificed" for this M & the kids & has NEVER felt appreciated for it. So that justifies her current behavior & decisions?
For me, the one person I didn't hold grudges against was my w. Whatever the issue was after a couple days if things appeared to be back to normal the problem was just forgotten/dropped.
I never found myself recalling how 4 yrs ago on this date you did such & such to me & I have never forgotten it. Maybe males have long term memory issues when it comes to relationship conflict :-)
Me/W 39/37 T/M 9/6 S 4, D 2 Bomb 7/17/08 OM confirmed 7/23/08 D Filed 7/25/08 D served 9/17/08
I am a forgive and forget guy. I remember what my W did in the past but I have no ill feelings against it. I concentrate so hard of self improvement, I forget her part in the issue.
Now if I felt something wasn't resolved, I would "hold a grudge" until it was resolved. That I need. My W is very immature about taking blame. In fact, her taking blame will cause a panic attack so I have to be careful with that.
That's funny...not really but you know what I mean. I read in five love languages book about the "point" system women use...1 day of us working=1 point. Them doing the dishes=1 point...you can see where this is going. We work 1 week=5 points. They do dishes, housework, kids to school etc=1000 points. From what I understand THIS is where the resentment builds up.
Ladies...please be kind... I read it in a book...books don't lie..LOL
H 34 W 31 M 11yrs D 11 D 9
6-1-08 I wanted to fix marriage 6-11-08 I found out about OM
