Maybe I should be in piecing part 4?

[Hope4us]

Last one locked after only 10 pages, WTF?

Anyway, last thread

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1651368&page=3&fpart=1

Back from out weekend away. We had a really good time. Lots of fun shopping and lots of talking, some of it pretty deep (not R talk). Watched OSU kick Mich's arse.

We discussed our move. I told her S16 wants to move a the end of the semester. W said "sometimes you don't get what you want". And I thought about that for a little bit and then I said to her "Do I get to have an opinion on this? I just feel like this is a decision we should make together, not just you flat out saying the way it is without my imput in the matter". And it was like someone hit her in the head with a 2x4. Attitude totally changed from the beginning of the discussion. We were having a great time prior to that, but after, it was like someone had pointed out to her just how she was being.

I'm not going to get into recounting the whole weekend, but there were a number of things that happened that make me think she's almost there. So my question is, what do you think about giving her a note showing her how there is hope?

[kat727]

What would your note say? Does she seem to be on board with the earlier move now? Is she considering others feelings/thoughts on the matter?

It sounds as if a lot of talking was done. Maybe she needs to soak some of it in before you throw something else at her(not literally of course).

kat

[whatdidido]

If she was showing you signs that she is "almost there" then she knows there is hope. The next conversation you are waiting to have is about why you want to move, the real reason. And, having a R talk about how you want her to read some books, possibly see a ocunsleor or retrouvaille, etc. Or, at least talk to you about your feelings on what happen.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I'm not going to get into recounting the whole weekend, but there were a number of things that happened that make me think she's almost there. So my question is, what do you think about giving her a note showing her how there is hope?

I think she'll only perceive it as "pressure", to get your way.

I'd just back off, and let her chew on all of this.

Puppy

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Last one locked after only 10 pages, WTF?

I think they lock at around 100 posts, regardless of how many pages. Could be that you had more, shorter posts on this thread.

[Hope4us]

What would your note say? Does she seem to be on board with the earlier move now? Is she considering others feelings/thoughts on the matter?

It sounds as if a lot of talking was done. Maybe she needs to soak some of it in before you throw something else at her(not literally of course).

kat

Kat, She still thinks it would be best for her and S16 to move at the end of the school year, and I kind of agree with her that that would be ideal. But I don't feel as strongly as she does about not moving at the end of the first semester. And S16 WANTS TO MOVE NOW. We didn't come to a decision one way or another yet. I did tell her that I'm concerned us being apart for 4-5 nights a week for 5 months waiting for school to end for them to move.

I asked her if the reason she wanted to wait to move was because she really didn't want to move at all and she said no, that it was just what she thought was best for S16.

[Hope4us]

If she was showing you signs that she is "almost there" then she knows there is hope. The next conversation you are waiting to have is about why you want to move, the real reason. And, having a R talk about how you want her to read some books, possibly see a ocunsleor or retrouvaille, etc. Or, at least talk to you about your feelings on what happen.

I saw more and more things that make me think she's almost there. But I also saw things that show me I don't know if she'll ever give me what I need to move forward. So I just don't know.

She knows the big reason I want to move. I'm not sure if it'd be productive to bring it up again.

[Hope4us]

I'm not going to get into recounting the whole weekend, but there were a number of things that happened that make me think she's almost there. So my question is, what do you think about giving her a note showing her how there is hope?

I think she'll only perceive it as "pressure", to get your way.

I'd just back off, and let her chew on all of this.

Puppy

Part of what I was going to put in the note was basically saying to her that I know I can't push her to accept my time table for us, but that I know I won't be able to do this for an infinite time while she decides.

I didn't post it, but on Saturday morning I went into the park by myself for about 4 hours and I think during that time alone I finally let go of the anger. I almost feel like I've forgiven her (not that she's done anything that warrants it). It might have had something to do with the deep conversation we had on Friday night about when her grandpa died (he was her male role model growing up) and how her grandma and aunt both told her she was not allowed to cry or show weakness at the funeral (nice huh, your grandpa dies and a 16 yr old is told she's not allowed to cry) so I think I gained a better understanding of why she has these walls built up (along with those other things we've discussed previously).

So I kept thinking what you said Pup about her feeling that it's hopeless so I wanted to talk to her without talking to her (honoring my promise to not bring it up) and give her some hope.

[lost_in_space]

H4U

I have been watching and admiring the movement here. FWIW, I'm with Puppy and would let it be for a bit. I know you want this to be over, but you have perservered this long... you know you can do it.

Hang in there - and come back to your corner for all the reinforcements you need.

Take care.

[Hope4us]

Thanks Lost.

I hear what you guys are all saying, but with W seeming like she's right there, I thought a little push would help. Need to think on it some more.

I just thought of an interesting exchange we had Saturday evening. It just shows the kind of restraint us LBS's can have.

W and I were discussing one of the shops in Gatlinburg. It's pretty much a junk store, but they had one thing in the window that I thought would be neat to get. So I asked W if she wanted to run down there and pick it up. here's the convo.

W: No, I'd rather not.
Me: Ok, but I really think it would be neat.
W: I don't do white trash (her description of the store)
Me: (hesitating)..uh...
W: What?
Me: Nothing.
W: No, what were you going to say?
Me: Really, nothing.
W: I want to hear it.
Me: Trust me, you don't.
W: Trust me, I do.
Me: W, you really need to let this drop.
W: No, I really need to hear it.
Me: W, You really really don't. So just drop it.
W: ok.

What was I going to say to W saying, "I don't do white trash"? I was going to say, "that's funny, didn't stop you with OM".

So tell me we can't control ourselves.