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didn't get it did you include: its

at the beginning of the address?


Me-38 H-38
Married 18years
Daughter-17 & Son-9
Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08
Left home 5/08/08
Moved in with OW 08/01/08

The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family.
-- Lee Iacocca
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Posts: 724
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Hi everyone,
T2L, quiet? are you keeping busy? take it day by day and see what happens. Plan B in full effect? Is there a Plan C (ok ok a little humor)

I am doing ok, feeling really detached from H but I miss him. I met with C tonight. Talked about thanksgiving and how to get through holidays. Tough time of year but can't obsess about it or I will get too down.

How is everyone else doing?


Me 53
H 50
D16, D29
M 22 years
bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H
8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also
bomb II - H moves 10/1
expose ow 10/22
D to be final 9-09
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 372
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Hi ladies,

I updated my thread yesterday.... I'm in a good place today and Sunday... and hope the week will be nice too.. I do feel I'm moving on best I can... I made a list of all the things I need and want to do over next several months... for me and the girls.

I think I'm going to still have my holiday party... something I would have done with H here so why not huh?? working on my girls 4th birthday party weekend after thanksgiving. Getting excited about the holidays too... I also am going to book a girls weekend in Cancun for the last weekend in February... emails just started going out this week.. so things to look forward too which get me excited. I am also trying to plan a trip to visit a friend in LA in Jan... If I have a few things on the books then it will get me through the rough patches...

If I don't see H as much it does help ... I do want to call a DB coach too... Some days I read up on stuff on the is board and get so motivated to stay positive just knowing my H will come back ... the negative thinking will sure hold us down huh? Remind me of this when I email my next sad and horrible day....

I'm traveling on business next two days so will only be on at night... I'll catch up then.

hope everyone is holding up...


Me: 38/H:40
M:7yrs
TG: 10yrs
2Girls: 4yr & 7 month old
Bomb 8/22/08
OW/EA/PA 8/23/08 with 25yr old
Moved out 9/22/08

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1631985&page=2#Post1631985

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Hey girls - I don't mean to be a bother but I need to post a quick question and then I'll go back and read what's been going on here.

What would be a nice way to ask for a gift? See it's my birthday the day before Thanksgiving, and H has brought it up, saying he doesn't know what to do in this sitch.
So I was all sweet and said awwww your going to get me a gift, how sweet.
Here's my problem, he goes into this scenario of how someone else asked ever so cleverly for something they wanted by saying "oh my anklet broke and I've been meaning to get a new one but just have not made it to the mall to look for another one. And he responded to her, really, where were you thinking of going? And she said Piercing Pagoda, and then He's like really, were you going to go sometime this week, her response was yeh I was going to try but I just don't have the time"
So I play the game and say, "you know I've got this clunky round watch and I've been meaning to go and get one that is a little more femine but still casual. I want something that will match most of my jewelry so either silver or two tone. "
You know what he says - that sounded so fake!
When I told him what I wanted he got all upset saying that he felt like he was in a boardroom and I was dictating to him.

I am so frustrated and this is something I've always been frustrated with. No matter what it is, if I mimick a conversation like the above or, dress up because he makes a comment about how someone else looks and I do that. I hate doing it because it seems so copy cattish but by telling me it leaves me with no option - I want to do it because he likes it and it sounds cool wish I would of thought of it type of thing, but then if I copy it, its not as original, if I don't copy it, he's not getting what he'd like. I can NEVER WIN!

So what would be some creative ways to ask for this gift I want. The things I've come up with that I want, (I've already listed them to him so he kinda knows) are:
-Jane Seymour has a necklace out of 2 hearts we saw the other night while watching the game and I said that was pretty when I saw it - and I brought it up again last night and he said He was kinda thinking of that.
-He bought me a tanzanite ring a while ago that I hardly wear because I don't have earrings or a necklace or bracelet to match.
-He bought me a ruby and diamond heart necklace, but I still need earrings to match and a bracelet.
-And last but not least, I'd love if he'd pick out a nice perfume for me. I've got tons of lotions but I'd like a perfume that he picked.

The only ideas I've come up with to let on those hints (he said I could leave a note), was either to send a note complimenting how great he is picking out jewelry and that if he could get finishing pieces for the items he's gotten.
Or a note saying I'd love a new fresh perfume.

or I could send a 12 days of Christmas/Birthday gifts thing to list my ideas for him to choose from.

How do you drop hints for the things you want?

I feel so lowsy posing this question here but I have no where else to go, I don't really have friends.

Any help would be great - or is he being ridiculous about having to have me do things like he says.


Jen
Me 32
H 35
Married 8yrs 3/11/2000 - Together 10 yrs
No Children

1st Bomb - 7/1999
2nd Bomb - 8/2004
3rd A - 10/2006
4th A & Bomb - 10/12/08

Done sweeping things under the rug, I need to start doing something...But what?
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Hi everyone!

T2L - I added the 'its'...let me know if you get it..

Hope - I'm looking for a C in my area. I need to get through this time as well.

TxMom - I hope you don't mind me asking but what to do you do that has you travel so much?

All - I would just point it out in a magazine or on tv. He should get the hint from that and then I would just leave it alone. Remember NO EXPECTATIONS! If he gets you something great! If he doesn't then he doesn't and don't dwell on it.

As for me well I signed up for the dance class! Two of my friends and I will be going for our free lesson tomorrow. I'm excited. Then next week is our road trip to Oklahoma. That is going to be so nice to be with family.


Me35/H35
D16/SS14
M-1yr/known H 18yrs
1st Bomb: 4/26 OW35
2nd Bomb: 8/17 OW21
Moved out 8/21/08
H filed D on 9/9/08

God determines who walks into your life...it's up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.
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Hi Everyone,
Marisol, you are in the grove! that is great. keep it going. I went to C yesterday and we talked about holidays (I know I am down because of them). Need to get through this time. I am having trouble making my airline reservations to fly home for xmas. I am just not dealing well with it but I have to get on the ball and just do it.

All, Don't let H make you insecure. H sets up crazy scenarios and basically tells you to follow them and then say "you are not doing it right". H seems very passive-agressive. You decide how you want to tell him. Notes, leaving out a magazine with a picture -- fine. Don't obsess about what is the "right thing". If H doesn't like it -- that is on him. I would not put too much energy into this. There is no "right way".

T2L, hope you are well. Now is the time for patience -- something that is tough to do. You have support here. What are you doing to keep busy? take care. {{{hugs}}}}}}}


Me 53
H 50
D16, D29
M 22 years
bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H
8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also
bomb II - H moves 10/1
expose ow 10/22
D to be final 9-09
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 302
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K guys, can just get on for a bit. Got stuff to handle, mediators for my Plan B quit since H was pissed at them so I am setting up a new one today. Doing well, staying focused and busy so I don't think to much....will be back on later this evening....thanks for the support ya'll....Muah!

Marisol, By the way I'll check that address later....


Me-38 H-38
Married 18years
Daughter-17 & Son-9
Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08
Left home 5/08/08
Moved in with OW 08/01/08

The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family.
-- Lee Iacocca
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 302
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OP Offline
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 302
Oh yeah sorry I didn't respond All, personally I would just wait to see what he gets or what he does. I wouldn't want present that needed to have a hint dropped about. It just would feel right. I would want a gift from my significant others heart and creativity and not because I hinted. But that's just my humble opinion.

Just have no expectations and either way you will be ok.

Again, focus on yourself as it sounds as if he has some stuff to work through before he can be all that you need.


Me-38 H-38
Married 18years
Daughter-17 & Son-9
Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08
Left home 5/08/08
Moved in with OW 08/01/08

The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family.
-- Lee Iacocca
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 372
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 372
Marisol,

I am a regional sales manager and I have about 6 states as my territory..... I work from home so the perk is nice but my H knew with his job only going to increase in travel (sales too) that I was going to look into going back to school or do a franchise or something to stay home more for our family and kids... sucks b/c if D does happen I can't continue to travel, and also share my kids every other weekend, so I will have to find another job in a horrible job market and hopefully make as much $$ which might be hard. I'm trying not to think about the future so much as it scares me.

A - I wouldn't mention a gift either.... he should be able to figure it out.

HOpe - I'm going to my C on Friday - I go twice a month - to talk through holidays and other stuff too.... remember we have to plan and make plans without our H's in mind... so move forward with your plans.... Also do you think the DB coach is worth the money?? I've been trying to decide to call or not.

back on later


Me: 38/H:40
M:7yrs
TG: 10yrs
2Girls: 4yr & 7 month old
Bomb 8/22/08
OW/EA/PA 8/23/08 with 25yr old
Moved out 9/22/08

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1631985&page=2#Post1631985

Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 724
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Hi everyone.

{{{t2l}}}} glad you checked in or we would have to track you down!! lol... Did H contact the mediators and he pissed them off or they just had a change of heart?

I am trying to be productive today. I am working at home but I think I have been in a funk. I am worried that after the new year that H will ask for D. (you know be a nice guy and not ask me before the holidays), But I have to stop worrying about what has not happened yet. Today, I am going through paperwork, organizing and trying to be productive. I know this mood will pass but I am still doing well detaching.

I think I got a little depressed because when I met with C yesterday, he suggested getting a private investigator so if H asks for D I will be prepared for a fault divorce. Then he gave me the name of one! Any thoughts on this? It makes me feel bad a that christian "pro-marriage counselor" is trying to lead me down the D path. I did not like that. But then again maybe I am the stupid one that I don't get blindsided if H serves me and I am not prepared especially being in Tx where there is no waiting period and 50/50 community property so I would have a lot to lose. any thoughts??? sorry to steal the stich!

TxMom, I am glad you reminded me. I have one session left with DB coach. Would be a good time to call I would think. You are right, I need to plan some things for the holiday when I am back in CT or I will just collapse. I am planning on going into NYC with some friends to go see the tree and go to Rockfeller center which will be nice. I will also go to the casino with my Mom and sister.

wish you all can come here for Thanksgiving -- I make a great turkey!


Me 53
H 50
D16, D29
M 22 years
bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H
8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also
bomb II - H moves 10/1
expose ow 10/22
D to be final 9-09
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