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A Message from Michele
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Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 [Re: AllW8SBF] #1649114
11/14/08 06:35 PM
11/14/08 06:35 PM
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 59
Chicago Burbs
A
AllW8SBF Offline
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AllW8SBF  Offline
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So I have some questions - what a shocker!!! Hey I'm laughing that's two laughs for the day! \:\)

Well as I was praying yesterday I got to wondering, see I'm praying that my H will find the Lord, I'm telling you if he did that even if it wasn't with me (I don't want that but I truly believe he'd be so much better if he found God) I'd be happy. But in any case, so I was wondering what would happen, which prayer does God answer if one person prayed to restore the marriage and the other person prayed to end the marriage peacefully? How does he answer those prayers? I really want to ask that to Charlyne and Bob.
It's funny because just in the last what week or so of me praying for that, H has started talking about God more. Not that it's necessary anything good about God, not out right bad, just 1) God gave him this Bipolar and hasn't taken it away so he doesn't listen to H as H is like God won't take that from him. and then last night it was 2) Well I guess God did bless my throat (he was doing awesome on his radio show). I did lots of praising and laughing and deposits in the love bank. At least I think I did - he laughed at me too, and he stuck his tongue out at me.

Next ???

Ok argggghhhh despite all that fun stuff, I got SOOOOO angry. My fault I know, and I knew at the time I stomped around I was doing probably exactly what God didn't want me to do - not sure though you tell me.

I happen to overhear a convo my h and a "friend" (I think their still just friends and that may all it ever will be, but they talk ALOT) H told her he screwed up, a girl he's interested in (Stephanie - I so want to go onto Yahoo and send emails to all the chicks with profiles that H may be interested in and say hey I'm fighting for my husband, if your interested hands off. And even tonight when I go and meet these new girls, I want to say if you see this man, hands off)I think he was to go see her in Indy, well H had not heard from her so he left her ANOTHER message (I heard part of this too - he goes into his bedroom but I can still kinda hear), he said haven't heard from you, I'm guessing your busy, but I will take your no call as a not interested, and I will not be available this weekend or (something like that). Well he told his "friend" about leaving that message but that he JUST got a text or VM from Stephanie that said sorry I had not gotten back to you but my grandma is sick and had not been able to call because she's been with her at the hospital.
So I got pissed, I prayed the whole time asking these evil people to leave H alone, etc. But I just started thinking about How many nice things and loving things, and friendly things I have done for H but what has he done for me lately.
So how do you deal with the urge of getting angry when you've done all this and showing love to your H but get no love back? And if you tell me GAL I'm going to put my hands through this computer and strangle you!

Ok now Hope question for you, sorry I may have missed this in one of T2L earlier posts but, I'm a little lost at how it's possible that no one at your/H's work doesn't know. I mean, they can't see how your acting different around each other?

So I answered the SAA test at the back and Affection is one of the top 5 how do I do that if H gets mad when I do it? I rarely ever did it before, and now even if I just say good night and drag my fingers across his back he flips.
It's just one more thing that he lets others who do crap to him, and even treat him WORSE then I ever have and he's all nice to them. He lets them and wants them to give him his top 5 needs but me NOOOOO don't do it. So what do I do then?

Now I'm going to go and look at TXmom's thread. I'm like T2L I don't go to other threads that often.

Oh tonight is my dance class and I'm meeting some new friends for dinner - GAL - and tomorrow I'm going bowling with friends from work.
GAL, doing the GAL dance, <dancing around><arms in front in circles> doing the GAL dance, woo hoo.


Jen
Me 32
H 35
Married 8yrs 3/11/2000 - Together 10 yrs
No Children

1st Bomb - 7/1999
2nd Bomb - 8/2004
3rd A - 10/2006
4th A & Bomb - 10/12/08

Done sweeping things under the rug, I need to start doing something...But what?
Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 [Re: AllW8SBF] #1649479
11/14/08 09:05 PM
11/14/08 09:05 PM
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 724
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hope3343 Offline
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Posts: 724
T2L, just "stole" borrowed your verbiage about thanks for your financial support blah blah blah in an e-mail I sent to H. I just went in and transferred the agreed upon money into my acct. I am sure it will blow his mind, especially after him having argument with D and then I send him a nice note with no reference to anything.
What are you plans for the weekend everyone? TGIF


Me 53
H 50
D16, D29
M 22 years
bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H
8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also
bomb II - H moves 10/1
expose ow 10/22
D to be final 9-09
Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 [Re: AllW8SBF] #1649680
11/14/08 11:12 PM
11/14/08 11:12 PM
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 302
Southern California
T
Trying2live Offline OP
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Trying2live  Offline OP
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 302
Southern California
ALL,
ok LOLOLOLOLOLOL.. I can hear your frustration. I understand. This is a long haul type thing so your humor is actually gonna help you. Laugh as much as possible guys funny thing this crap is real! LOLOLOLOL I feel like we all should be on Jerry Springer LOL.

I know you want to meet H's top 5 emotional needs and it's frustrating. But remember NO EXPECTATIONS. This keeps you neutral and guarded to where you do not experience more pain. If your love bank gets too low because you keep getting hurt you are not going to care if he does come back because you won't want the marriage anymore. So when you are able to meet the top 5 EN's have no expectations. When you plant a garden you don't immediately run out to see a plant do you? No it takes time, 1st the seed, then the bud and so on.

If you start telling every woman alive to back off H are you ready to do this for the rest of your life? It needs to be HIS decision, and not you fending off everything. A marriage is a partnership so at some point, after he's out of the fog, he's going to need to pull his share, but that's not for now. That's much later down the road. BTW is he medicated for his Bipolar issues?

Alright, believe it or not the GAL'ing is prolly the only thing that is keeping you sane at this point. You probably don't notice it but if you hadn't you would have solely concentrated on ALL the H wants and truthfully probably need to medicated or you'd be severely depressed. So as hard as it is it's super important.

Have you seen the prayers I prayed over H? I think it was thread 3 maybe. Go back and find those. Its very different in the way that I pray and it explains why.

So when you took the EN test, you answered is if it was him correct? You want that test to be accurate to meet HIS needs.

Ok this is my opinion and nothing more so if ya like it great and if ya don't ditch it. I know it gets frustrating to hear the things I say about GAL and part of the reason I say this is because my loyalty, if I can say that, is to you and NOT your H so I am just sharing things that I think are going to help you.

Your H, like all of ours, has some issues to work through. So this season your in my friend needs to be about YOU not just him. That's why I push you to GAL. And you know what I already hear a more confident and different person than the one that 1st came to this thread. You need to take this time to find out who you are aside of H. This is an opportunity for all of us to do that. And you know what I am growing as a person with out my H and it's taken almost 7 months but now it feels good. I am a lot stronger than I thought. I each day I become more confident being just lil old me. I don't have to have my H by my side to be happy now. I miss him and love him and want restoration so when it happens I think it will be even better since I've grown.

ALL, Concentrate on you. If you can meet some of H's EN's then great and have no expectations on returns. I know your hurting but your doing great. Keep 180 too.

I do like the joking and laughter going on between the two of you very nice. Funny how laughter can change things huh. I think we get so focused in life we forget to laugh and get so darn serious about every little thing. Anyways very good there.

And i do appreciate you transparency and ability to just throw it out there on how you feel that's what this forum is for.


Me-38 H-38
Married 18years
Daughter-17 & Son-9
Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08
Left home 5/08/08
Moved in with OW 08/01/08

The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family.
-- Lee Iacocca
Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 [Re: hope3343] #1649682
11/14/08 11:16 PM
11/14/08 11:16 PM
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 302
Southern California
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Trying2live Offline OP
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 302
Southern California
Hope,
Very good your on a roll!

Weekend plans. Well H is here right now. He's been here for about 2 hours. Think he'll be here through the evening. Not sure if he will be back tomorrow for DS10 football game. It depends on his work schedule. Hopefully we'll see him Sunday.

Well 8 days left til Plan B per SAA book. Getting nervous, don't want to do it but have to as I can't be the other woman forever.

While I'm in plan b I'm going to paint my bedroom and both bath rooms, do some organizing, keep building my family website, learn to play keyboard and take more salsa classes. Next Saturday is Plan B day. Say a prayer for me ya'll. you can be sure I will be posting.

We'll he cheats on OW every time we are together, funny.

Better go in case he comes in here....


Me-38 H-38
Married 18years
Daughter-17 & Son-9
Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08
Left home 5/08/08
Moved in with OW 08/01/08

The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family.
-- Lee Iacocca
Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 [Re: Trying2live] #1649705
11/14/08 11:38 PM
11/14/08 11:38 PM
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 724
H
hope3343 Offline
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Posts: 724
{{{{T2L}}}}} have fun for all of us tonight. Are you absolutely sure about Plan B in place. Do you think you are ready for it and also H? I know -- NO EXPECTATIONS but we are praying for you. Where does the OW think he goes when he is gone overnight? that is curious to me.

I am a little freaked out. One of the guys that sits by me, says how is H doing? I said about the same I guess (still have not told work people), and he says oh one of the Gov people heard that H was leaving????? I have no idea what that is about but it sure is scaring me. Here we are by ourselves and I am wondering if H is getting another job out of state to get away from his unethical position. Would he go that far and not mention it to me? When I talk to H I will have to bring it up. Part of the reason I did not move back is so D15 would have a relationship with him. If that is the case then I will rethink turning them both in. The guy that told me sometimes is a bit of a jerk so I dont know how reliable it is but it really has me thinking. Say a prayer. I have not picked up the phone to call H about it. patience patience.


Me 53
H 50
D16, D29
M 22 years
bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H
8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also
bomb II - H moves 10/1
expose ow 10/22
D to be final 9-09
Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 [Re: hope3343] #1649951
11/15/08 08:20 AM
11/15/08 08:20 AM
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 15
Washington
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Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 15
Washington
O.K. I'll be picking up the SAA book tomorrow and get it read before I talk to H. I just looked at OW's myspace page and it says that she's wondering if she made the right decision. I'm sure she's talking about letting my H move out of her house! I so want to send her a message and say that she absolutely made the right decision; but I won't. After all, he lied to her for 2 years (he didn't tell her he was married until after she gave him a bj). At any rate, thanks T2L for the great advice on my post and the book recommendation. I've already read a ton of books, but I usually get the ones that are recommended to me.

Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 [Re: Mommaof4] #1650623
11/16/08 06:09 AM
11/16/08 06:09 AM
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 302
Southern California
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Trying2live Offline OP
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Trying2live  Offline OP
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 302
Southern California
K ya'll I went into Plan B today, just kinda happened. I am gathering my self right now as I am naturally very sad to have to go into Plan B(per SAA book) but it was necessary. Can't really be the OW to the OW forever. Doing just a bit of crying tonight, but I know I did an outstanding Plan A and I am proud at the changes I made in my self. I hope that H gets to benefit from these changes. I know he read my Plan B letter as he sent me \:\( about and hour ago. I did not respond and will try not to read anymore of his texts to protect myself. Overall I'm gonna be ok. Just gonna sit back and see how Plan B works on H. I know he's sad because of the sad face he sent, and I think that's a good sign. Gonna do my best to go totally dark NO contact with him what so ever. If I'm gonna do a good Plan B I'm gonna give it my all too. Plan A worked so darn well we'll see what Plan B does to him.

Anyways someone sent this to me to encourage me. Just passing it on.........

This is a letter from your Lord to you;
"I am your Shield of Protection. Many times you wonder where I am in the midst of the battle that rages around you. You feel abandoned on the battlefield. Dont be afraid and dont lose faith. I am here, and I am always victorious. I will protect you, but you must trust Me. Sometimes I will lead you to shelter for safety and restoration. Other times I will ask you to join Me on the front lines in the heat of the battle. I can kill any giant that threatens your life, but, as David the shepherd boy did, you need to march forward, pick up the stones, and face your enemy. I love to prove My strength when the odds against Me are the greatest and hope is the smallest. I am truly your Shelter and your Deliverer, and I will protect you no matter where you are."

Love, your King and your Protector


Me-38 H-38
Married 18years
Daughter-17 & Son-9
Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08
Left home 5/08/08
Moved in with OW 08/01/08

The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family.
-- Lee Iacocca
Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 [Re: Trying2live] #1650635
11/16/08 06:50 AM
11/16/08 06:50 AM
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 724
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hope3343 Offline
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hope3343  Offline
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Posts: 724
{{{{{{T2L}}}}}, how are you?? what happened that you went into Plan B sooner than planned??
How was H doing? When did you give him the letter and was he shocked?
I pray for you and Plan B. So you are crying? Be strong you have done a remarkable Plan A. No one could have done it better. We are with you every step of this journey.

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 'This is way; walk in it." Isaiah 30:21


I went to a bacholorette party tonight and will have to fill you in. It was a little sad tonight. Think H went to Mexico for the weekend with OW.

Will be in contact with you tomorrow and check up on you.


Me 53
H 50
D16, D29
M 22 years
bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H
8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also
bomb II - H moves 10/1
expose ow 10/22
D to be final 9-09
Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 [Re: hope3343] #1651139
11/17/08 02:21 AM
11/17/08 02:21 AM
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 372
Dallas Texas
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TxMomw/2girls Offline
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 372
Dallas Texas
T2L

Give us more... Hope asked all the questions we want to know too... I'm so sorry you are so sad... of course you should be and should just "feel" so you grieve and get it out...

You did a awesome Plan A better than I could have ever done.. you bet every ounce of H is so sad and he will be doing a lot of thinking... I'm not sure how dark is dark... but you know the answer.. just know the book is a guideline so if you need to alter that then don't beat yourself up... clearly he can't cake it and now or next week is probably all the same that Plan B went into effect. At least you got to feel him and lay next to him and hold him... there is no way he won't be thinking back to those moments too...

I would like to understand what your letter laid out to him... and how you explained the "why" to him...

we are here for you as you've been sooo supportive to us..


Me: 38/H:40
M:7yrs
TG: 10yrs
2Girls: 4yr & 7 month old
Bomb 8/22/08
OW/EA/PA 8/23/08 with 25yr old
Moved out 9/22/08

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1631985&page=2#Post1631985

Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 [Re: TxMomw/2girls] #1651171
11/17/08 02:45 AM
11/17/08 02:45 AM
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 93
Maryland
F
faithrunner Offline
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faithrunner  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 93
Maryland
T2L, I am thinking of you and praying for you. You have been such a huge support to me. You are so strong and have a great intuition about your H. You were able to change your plan of action along the way whenever you needed to. Today you saw the signs that Plan B needed to start early, and you had the courage to execute your plan. I am inspired by that. These tears are only for a season. You have had your eyes on the finish line of reconcilling your marriage all along. You will do whatever it takes to restore your family, and that includes days like this. Good for you. I am proud of you.


Me:33, H:34
T10, M8
S4,S3,S9m
ILYBINILWY 11/07
Separation 1 2/08-8/08
Back Home 8/08-10/08
Separation 2 10/08-
Too many bombs to count:(
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